I Can't Tear Myself Away From Him!

I FELL IN LOVE! I didn't want to admit it to anyone, but it's the truth! I fell in love with a liar, I fell in love with a man who doesn't know what he wants, I fell in love with a man who sees only my outward beauty and looks at me as a sex toy. It all started about 3 years ago when we accidentally ran into each other at school. He was beautiful ... very, very much! In the evening I already had a proposal for friendship on Facebook, which I immediately accepted. We started writing to each other regularly. The next day we met in person at school. He did not hide his sympathy for me .. and so for several months our contacts were only on the social network and on rare occasions when we met in the school hallways .. One fine Friday night my friends and I decided it was time to relax, we went to a disco and he was there .. He was beautiful .. very, very much! Towards the end of the evening, after we exchanged countless glances, he came and kissed me. It was the most passionate kiss I had ever received. And at that moment I realized that it must be mine! But unfortunately after tonight things were the same for him ... again contacts only on the Internet and school. One day he just stopped writing ... for no reason. I looked for him several times, but alas ... there was no answer. I decided that I should put my method into action ... to stop looking for it and for it to do it after I stick to it .. Noo again there was no answer .. And so for months. One beautiful sunny day he remembered me and it all started from the beginning (again there were appointments, cafes, bars, etc.), but none of this came true and after a month of chat-communications again everything ended the same way. And so this incident happened twice more. At the beginning of this summer, everything started all over again and although I have one thing in mind for him, I can't resist getting caught again and again. Its charm is like sweet poison !! We started writing to each other regularly again, appointments again, and finally our first meeting followed. Meeting awaited for three years! We went to them, drank wine, talked, and suddenly I was in his bed. In a burst of passion on our first meeting I became his .. easy target .. The evening was unrealistically beautiful .. unforgettable. The next day everything was the same again (contacts only on text messages, Facebook and rare phone calls). After a few days I went on vacation. When I came back we saw each other again .. This was our last night .. three years - two meetings. I am in love, enchanted by his charm .. I am ready to jump into his arms again .. and everything continues to this day (rare text messages, even rarer phone calls and days when he "misses" me and writes me thousands of messages .. I can't break away .. he's like a drug, if you try once .. you can't stop. I realize that he is playing with me, but I prefer to be a toy instead of participating in his life in any way. I will never understand what it means to him, why he lost for years and regained his interest in me. Why does he forget that I exist, and he is jealously jealous of the men I date .. Why after I stop answering his emails and text messages he starts running after me and the moment he feels that I am "his" again he leaves me country .. why, why, why .. ? but I prefer to be a toy, instead of participating in his life in any way ... I will never understand what it means to him, why he lost and regained his interest in me for years. Why does he forget that I exist, and he is jealously jealous of the men I date .. Why after I stop answering his emails and text messages he starts running after me and the moment he feels that I am "his" again he leaves me country .. why, why, why .. ?? but I prefer to be a toy, instead of participating in his life in any way ... I will never understand what it means to him, why he lost and regained his interest in me for years. Why does he forget that I exist, and he is jealously jealous of the men I date .. Why after I stop replying to his emails and text messages he starts running after me and the moment he feels that I am "his" again he leaves me country .. why, why, why .. ??