Hello! If you consider insecurity and low self-esteem a ligature, please do not bother to continue reading. I don't even know how to start, I don't even know why I waste my time writing when I know that whatever inspiring answers I get, nothing will change, I don't even know if I'm looking for advice ... I think it just made me cringe the feeling that I want to pour everything out and I will do it here, because I can't find it anywhere else. I consider myself damn ugly. I am a perfectionist, I want everything I do to be perfect, I want to be perfect. I know it's impossible that there are no perfect people, but I refuse to accept it. I see only the positive traits of others, while in myself I manage to find only flaws. Every day I wake up saying things that motivate me, setting goals, which give me a reason to exist at all and everything is six, and I feel good, and I believe in myself, and the moment comes when I have to go out among people who I think are above me, the moment when I have to face with all those ideals I have about beauty that I don't have. Then everything collapses. I can't relax in front of anyone, because I think everyone will find the flaws I find. I can't talk normally to anyone, I'm always with my head down, I never look him in the eye, because I don't consider myself a human being, I don't consider myself equal to the others. It wasn't like that before. For God's sake, I can even say when exactly it started, I remember it as if it was yesterday, but it really was 2 years ago.
My best friend, my only friend, had talked to an older boy. Everything ok until I heard the boy in question quote "Stay her, look how ugly she is." I don't know if from his words, I don't know if from the fact that my girlfriend reacted to this in a super nasty way by literally laughing in my face, but since then there hasn't been a day when I don't feel ugly. There are people with far more serious problems, I know, but do you have any idea how hard it is to live with that? I'm tired of spending at least an hour on my hair every time, fixing everything down to the smallest detail and then ruining everything, because I've created the illusion that when my hair is loose, my ugly nose isn't so visible. In seventh grade, a boy told me, I quote again, "Be careful not to break the chair." Bam! Then the complexes with the body began. I lost weight, but it became a curse, because now there is nothing, which not to eat without looking at the calories. I forbid almost everything. No jam, no bread, no other pasta, no meat. I blame myself for months, starve and feel like garbage, if I can afford something forbidden. I no longer remember when I ate something without worrying, without checking in 373663 sites if it is harmful. I've been thinking about help for a few days now. Help in the form of drugs. Adxi childish thinking, I know, but I have a feeling that only this will be able to make me feel good even for a short time, even with endless consequences. Honestly, I don't care what happens to me, I've been dreaming of death for years. I don't feel like committing suicide, so I just wait and hope it ends sooner. If I have to live this way forever, thank you, but I will refuse.
I realized I was at the bottom when my stomach hurt terribly weeks ago, because of all this torment with food ofk, and instead of seeking help, I just said to myself, "God, am I finally going to die" and lay there, writhing in pain, hoping it was over. I was even happy. The thought of being able to die makes me happy. You need a serious psychologist here, I bet that's what you think. I tried. No result. No one can convince me the opposite of what I think, and I really wish he could. My stupid dream of being a model makes the situation even worse. I've wanted it for as long as I can remember, but how will it be when I look like a horse. I envy, I openly envy all the girls around me who can be. There is a perfect girl in my class from to ... I look at her all the time and I break with envy. Why the hell can't I be as beautiful as she is? I am ashamed of what I wrote. A big pointless, insignificant movie, but I'm really upset right now. If I'm going to live a life at least I want it to be normal, that's it.
1 jesusdaily answered
You need someone to love you the way you are, to tell you every day that you are the most beautiful in the world. But you must also believe his words. To a large extent, everything is in your hands, but sometimes a person needs a small boost of help to start the positive in himself. At first, get rid of all the people you feel bad about. Everyone has a soulmate, so look for people who respect you and who like you the way you are, you can't be liked by everyone, but you can find friends with whom you get along. Remember something important - time changes everything, today a babe is beautiful, tomorrow she is a wrinkled grandmother, another day she is no longer in this world. Time flies so fast! Let's say you're ugly, even though I don't think you're ugly, I think you're pretty, even, but let's say you're ugly and so on, Does anyone care about this fact, is it something vital, does it change the world, the whole subconscious desire is to satisfy people's expectations, only they do not have expectations. People don't care what you are, they don't care what they are. Everyone has work goals and worries, it's all about whether you're beautiful or ugly, if you're beautiful he will meet you and say to himself - she is beautiful - if you are ugly she will say - she is ugly - and then she will continue to think in his affairs, he will not remember you tomorrow, and does that change anything. Grab life while it's time, tell yourself I'm ugly and what of it, does it matter who cares, start living your life calmly reconciled to the fact that you're ugly without taking it in, most people are ugly so much , and you will see at some point how people who like you will start to be found,