I Can't Go On In This World Anymore ...

The Story

Hello! I am a girl almost 18. I spent 10th grade abroad and since I returned to Bulgaria for this school year, I am a different person. I was depressed while still abroad because of my mother's family problems, her boyfriend's, and my dull mood. I felt that I was bothering them, I was getting even worse. I became super aggressive. And I had great grades at school there, I had made friends, but after a while, I stopped talking at all and just went and went home. I also started arguing with my mother's friend. I hurt myself, I cried, I had insomnia. So, at one point I decided to return to Bulgaria alone and live with my father. The first three months were good - I had a little peace of mind, and in high school in Bulgaria I got good grades. But in the winter, depression seemed to return in a more disturbing form. Again, I had no interest in anything, but also panic attacks and it seemed as if my imagination was shut off. I couldn't concentrate and do nothing. Another thing that throws me off balance in the first place is an unrequited love. It lasted a long time, so I told the man how I felt about him. He showed understanding. But now I'm terribly sick - seeing him literally makes me sick, makes me vomit and I remember how it only poisons my life. I had very strong feelings for him for three years. But I can't take it anymore. I'm not sure if he accepts me or hates me a little because I want to be with him and he doesn't. During these years we talk like friends. I was hoping for more and that's why I'm suffering. And now he's just ignoring me and acting weird. There is no chance for a relationship, because he does not want to, and he is much bigger than me, with a boyfriend. It is extremely difficult to forget it.

Last Updated
September 25, 2020
Author:
jj15367

Comments