I Can't Get Over The Separation

Hello. I write simply because I wanted to express my emotion. We met abroad in a work environment, in a very large company with many workers. He was above me organizationally and I was above others. Married, hardworking, polite, smart, good and dedicated to his career. He always tried to help as much as he could. He hardly saw his family because he worked long hours and traveled. I was then studying at university and working part-time several times a week. It so happened that I started to like him and he liked me. It was bigger. I was 24 and he was 37. There was romance, etc., nothing sexual and not even kisses. Once I kissed him on the neck and gave him a hug. We hugged for some reason.

He also gave me hugs, but that's it. He knew I liked him because our body language was saying things, and I told him and told him several times. I started really wanting him, even though he was married. He was the perfect man in character, demeanor, intellect, soul. I'm not talking about the look and that it was bigger. I didn't care - I just saw something inside it, and beautiful faces grow old, and ideal bodies change at some point, whether people want it or not. I couldn't sleep with him and do this to his wife, and I didn't want to seduce him and create a temptation to succumb to. I didn't want to have a man for one night, two or three, and live a life of a knife in the back, with an end that would be painful for his wife, potentially for his career and the life he had built. Clearly, men think with those things too. In fact, he wanted love. I know that many people get married at some point simply because they want to stop thinking about love. It is also accepted publicly and personally that at some point it is time to stop as a family. That's why in most cases people build a family with a person who is not exactly what they always wanted, but simply because of personal need they got married. (And no, I'm not saying people don't love each other). Anyway. One day I wanted to talk to him. He knew what I wanted to talk about and that I would tell him things that would change our views, because the words would be spoken aloud. He avoided me.

One day, however, along with the teachings, the problems, the many changes, and my feelings for him, things came to me more emotionally. I told him I was leaving and we started talking. I told him that I was leaving because of experience with many things, and that he was the first man I had ever had strong feelings for and I couldn't have. I thought it would be best to leave. He asked me then, does it mean that he is guilty? I told him that it was not about guilt and that it was not a bad thing, but a good one, because I am glad that he was the first man I had feelings for. I told him all the things that came to my mind. Then I said I would give myself notice. Things got complicated the next day because he avoided me and there was no way. He began to behave strangely and aggressively. I left. It's been months since this happened and I can't stop thinking about it. I know I'm acting weird because I told him all those things, and because he wanted to get me out of his head. I know he was between a rock and a hard place, because he wanted me too and he was married and because he couldn't have me.

I think I did the right thing and we didn't cheat on his wife. If he does it once, he will do it again. I hope the incident has taught him a lesson and made him think about what he really wants in life. I just want him to be happy. I know he wants love most of all. I hope he appreciates his wife and she appreciates him. In relationships, life provides misunderstandings, surprises, unspoken words, misunderstood situations, emotions, thoughts .. sometimes it is very cruel .. I hope another valuable person will come into my life so that I can give him all my love. That's what I want most.