I've been in a very similar state and I'm still kind of working on it. Four years ago, when I was 26, I started going to swing dances. Then I started going to psychotherapy and then acting. I've been pulling a lot since then. All three things helped me very much to socialize, get used to communicating with people. I recommend at least one of these things to try, and psychotherapy, of course, is the more special pastime than the other two, it is most useful, but it is also the most expensive. But even if you start dancing, it's going to be a big plus.
Even though you were a valedictoriad, you don't believe you're smart enough to talk to others. Think about why you care so much about what people think. What happens if they don't like you, is the world over? You're not going to find any friends? You don't. You don't lose anything if you start talking little bit. And forget about the exposure. People are so busy with themselves that they don't think so much about others, including others. and for you. And they have their fears and insecurities, albeit for other things. Look for your uncertainty where it comes from and try to get over it. Someone might have told you something once when you were a kid, that you were talking nonsense or something, and you believed it. Now believe that you are no worse than the others, and there is a place for you, too, and if you want to be happy in the future, you have to forget about "what people are going to think about."
How do you learn to swim? In the water! How does the child learn to read? When he keeps a book and tries! How do you start singing the right tones? When you sing a lot! You know the birds go after them when they're thrown out of the branch? If it falls, it falls, if it doesn't, it'il fly.
I'm sorry, I'm going to try again, but this time a little more serious and a little nicer. The ability to communicate is like all the other skills in this world. You have to try. They're not always going to be successful, sometimes you're going to say nonsense, and other times you're going to fall into an environment that's not right for you. There are no successes without failures. As long as you watch your colleagues have fun and talk about common themes, you'il always be lonely and weep at night. I don't know you, but I don't want it for you, I don't want it for anyone. Among many new people, I feel just like you, and I need time to reject that feeling and stop communicating. I know what it's like to be anxious and kind of introverted. There was a joke that usually an extrovert "adopts" an introvert and teaches him to communicate. Sometimes it really happens, and our more conversational and open acquaintances teach us to relax and have fun. People are social beings, we need to talk to each other and relax. You have to take one step, then you'il fly. I can't guarantee you'il fit in with your colleagues, but you should at least try. Hey, there's a silent but nice guy in every company. Stop worrying, it's all in your head, it's not scary to say stupidity, everyone talks nonsense.
I'm in the same position! I'm 24, pretty, smart, big-city, student. It's like I wrote this! ... Are we twins? ... I've had a quiet, good life since I was a kid. And for that reason, I have no boyfriend and friends, and I have never had a shame, no shame. Like you at school, I was brutally harassed, then at university, in every possible way: gossip, braiding, physical and sexual violence, taunts, isolation, behaving like a moron, insults and epithletins, use. I was a valedictoriad, and they just used me. In general, they've always used me, and they've crushed my self-esteem: they explain to me how to behave, they cut me, they make remarks, etc. They've treated me badly everywhere, including. and my parents, I guess I'm provoking him. I can't start working, I don't talk to my colleagues, I envy them how they communicate, I can't relax among people, especially strangers or the opposite sex, talk in lectures, something drowns my throat, i'm worms, I'm shaking, I'm getting panic attacks and agonphobia. I went to a psychologist and drank medication, but I gave myself the money in vain. I think everyone's making fun of me, because they've really made fun of me before, especially because of the gait. I don't have any self-esteem. Even to the store, it's hard to walk, what's left for clothes, make-up, etc. I can see how many people are like that, and it totally knocks me down. I do not speak, if I do not talk to me first, I consider myself something inferior to others, for years I do not go out and drive the holidays alone with my mother (she is a lawyer and we live in an apartment only the two, my father passed away a long time ago). Maybe if I had a brother and a sister? ... I watch others go out, live, take pictures, I'm ashamed of my own because I go out badly. Even years ago, I tore up all my pictures because I hate myself and hate myself. And I want to cry. And lately, I've had suicidal thoughts.
Sign up for a dance, a course or some kind of sport. Get a job that you like and people to be yourself. I was just like you when I was little. My parents are closed people, and maybe I have something inherited from them. I changed when I had to change several times in a short period of time the environment, the city (even the state), the work, the people. I lived with different people, different places. Life changed me in a few years. Today I still find it hard to share and sometimes I feel ashamed, but it is super easy for me to meet new people and do it with desire. I find it interesting to make new contacts and get to know the people around me. My childhood acquaintances can't recognize me. I can't say I don't have symptoms of anxiety and situations where I find it harder to adjust in an environment, but I feel much better. Anything is possible as long as you have enough desire. If you don't make it on your own, look for a specialist.
It's like I wrote this to me or one of my two best friends from school. I'm a 29-year-old woman and I still feel similar. My life has changed a lot - I live abroad and am already married, but I am still silent and unsociable with people who are not close friends of mine. I have worked in several places and this problem has always existed - the feeling that I do not fit anywhere and that I am not annoyingly interesting. My husband accepts me and loves me for who I am, my best friends also know and understand me. I know it's hard to live like this, I still haven't completely overcome this complex of communication, but I also decided not to pay public opinion tax. My idea was not to brag, but to tell you that it doesn't stop you from living normally and being happy. You will find a man who wants a very quiet and humble woman, you will meet friends who will appreciate you as a worthwhile person who does not speak empty talk, and when he says something, he is always in place. I'm not sociable, I'm not the soul of the company, but the intelligent people around me see that we have something to say. In company, I'm usually quiet and silent, but sometimes i get a conversation on some interesting topic for me, and that's how I get involved in the conversation. Try to hang out with your colleagues, if they're nice, they'il appreciate it and try to get you involved with their themes.
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