I Am Told That I Am Shy

   Honey, you're not for this section anymore - congratulations, you're an old woman. You were not born shy. You have become like that. Every child is born open and curious about the world, something has blocked you. Yes, it is harmful, because no matter how beautiful or smart you are, if you do not have social competence (which you call "shyness") then it will be difficult for you for the rest of your life. You don't realize it yet, but you're starting to feel the negatives. Shyness is not a quality, it is an anti-quality - a blockade, even a nervous disease, if it degenerates into sociophobia. You're a young woman, and even sex jokes embarrass you, instead of dumbfounding this man or taking advantage of the dump, why not? You are 19 years old, it is time for such things. If it weighs on you and you want to change, there are ways to open up to people, to develop your social competencies. There are a lot of communication guides on the market, enroll in a theater school or something else that will force you to be the center of attention ... or best seek the services of a psychologist to find the real reasons for your shyness (lack of social competence), because it will play a very bad joke in training and job search! You are young enough to be able to change, but you have fears that block you, and if you do not overcome them, it will get worse.

   I'm the same as the author, only I'm a boy. Definitely difficult for strangers to "open up", I constantly listen to the tales "how it was not very nice for boys / men to be shy", "how the poisoned survive and succeed" ... but what can I do, I, like the author, can't to go and fight against the advent, I'm just like that. Otherwise, it goes without saying that I have found myself in situations where "e * net" is commented on and, as you can remember, I am silent without saying anything, feeling terribly uncomfortable. To 1: I've read literature, I've tried the advice there, but it just doesn't work and it doesn't work, it's not easy for me to relax among strangers and that's it. The worst thing is that shyness interferes, especially in Bulgaria, where most are its quite aggressive as a behavior.

   She is shy, not antisocial and uncommunicative number 1.

   The girl is 19, from English nineTEEN. She is still a teenager, from the age of 20 onwards she is an elderly woman. ; dd

   You are not for this country, darling :) Here only the poisoned and impudent are people. There is no distinction between restraint and shyness.

   Number 2 - call a psychoanalyst if the literature has not helped. You will overcome your social phobia, although you will never be one of the most open people, but you will be able to communicate normally and live normally. To the people who think it is from the state and society - I will disappoint you. I have lived in 4 different countries where I have been integrated and I have lived with the locals - anti-social people are not valued anywhere, and even in many countries there are sayings like "Shyness is for those who have nothing else to show" and so on. onwards. On the contrary, our society is relatively tolerant because we are compassionate people and try to help each other. In other countries (western) no one splits your basma and is not interested in your problems - whether you are shy or not. Get well. Especially in the USA, "shy" people are not tolerated, they have special trainings, workshops, they have courses, they have groups in which such people help each other and they have a diagnosis - antisociality. Even Freud recommended that such people undergo psychoanalysis because they struggle with terrible subconscious fears. Man is a social animal and has always been. In the modern world, we are detached from the natural and suffer from neuroses - one of which is "shyness". It is no coincidence that sociable people succeed both at work and in personal life - these are normal people. Yes, everyone has their own character, but social phobia is a diagnosis and to say that it is normal and others are guilty does not help, on the contrary! People are already telling the Author that there is a problem. It is up to her to decide or bury her head in the sand, blame others and eventually become antisocial. Even Freud recommended that such people undergo psychoanalysis because they struggle with terrible subconscious fears. Man is a social animal and has always been. In the modern world, we are detached from the natural and suffer from neuroses - one of which is "shyness". It is no coincidence that sociable people succeed both at work and in personal life - these are normal people. Yes, everyone has their own character, but social phobia is a diagnosis and to say that it is normal and others are guilty does not help, on the contrary! People are already telling the Author that there is a problem. It is up to her to decide or bury her head in the sand, blame others and eventually become antisocial. Even Freud recommended that such people undergo psychoanalysis because they struggle with terrible subconscious fears. Man is a social animal and has always been. In the modern world, we are detached from the natural and suffer from neuroses - one of which is "shyness". It is no coincidence that sociable people succeed both at work and in personal life - these are normal people. Yes, everyone has their own character, but social phobia is a diagnosis and to say that it is normal and others are guilty does not help, on the contrary! People are already telling the Author that there is a problem. It is up to her to decide it or bury her head in the sand, blame others and eventually become antisocial. In the modern world, we are detached from the natural and suffer from neuroses - one of which is "shyness". It is no coincidence that sociable people succeed both at work and in personal life - these are normal people. Yes, everyone has their own character, but social phobia is a diagnosis and to say that it is normal and others are guilty does not help, on the contrary! People are already telling the Author that there is a problem. It is up to her to decide or bury her head in the sand, blame others and eventually become antisocial. In the modern world, we are detached from the natural and suffer from neuroses - one of which is "shyness". It is no coincidence that sociable people succeed both at work and in personal life - these are normal people. Yes, everyone has their own character, but social phobia is a diagnosis and to say that it is normal and others are guilty does not help, on the contrary! People are already telling the Author that there is a problem. It is up to her to decide or bury her head in the sand, blame others and eventually become antisocial.

   Number 1 wait for her a little you call me anti anti I don't know what .. I said I'm shy with strangers with strangers I can't relax easily, but that doesn't mean I'm completely alone, I have friends who support me and accept me as I am boyfriend I live with. I'm not as rejected as you can see, I'm just interested in your opinions on whether society really avoids us as if we weren't human. And you say we are not born like that ... it's like not to be born by inheritance - my mother and father are also shy people.

   6, the United States does not praise them, please. Exactly how social they are. I also lived there ... The author is restrained, not antisocial. Antisocial people have no friends.

   Other options besides psychoanalyst? !! However, most of us are from small towns and we do not have the financial ability to go to Sofia or Varna. Couldn't there be another way to gain social competence?

   From number 2 to number 6: At least I have no intention of going to a psychoanalyst. There are different people, some are more poisoned, others not so much, I am one of the latter. I'm more restrained and shy, but not some antisocial type, unable to strike up conversations and communicate with people. I lead a completely normal life, I don't have a social phobia (or even if I do, I'm not a serious case), I'm just not the type of person who becomes the soul of the company. I am convinced that the author is like me. As for Bulgaria, I do not accuse it of anything, I have also been to the United States, I have been among the locals, it is definitely easier for people like me there. There is simply no aggression in the relationships between people, which is here and it is much easier to make acquaintances. I don't think shyness is a vice or a disease. The author and I are just more sensitive,

   Namely, number 2 - in the USA people are treated and that is why they are friendly, sociable and they speak easily, but try to break through there without these abilities and the society crushes you. It is one thing to go on a student brigade and on an excursion, it is quite another to live with them. They tolerate you, they tolerate you, but if you are eternally sullen and distant, just watch. To them, the shy people, who in our country are even considered virtuous (especially for girls), seem somehow suspicious to them. Otherwise, if you are as you describe yourself - yes, you are not antisocial, but you are introverted people. If you are happy - no problem. There is a place in society for everyone, but you are limited in choosing a profession - avoid anything related to working with clients / people / team. Up to 9 - psychologists and psychiatrists are in the countryside, but if you don't have the means and you haven't reached antisociality, the American self-teachers can help you a lot, because they are practically oriented. Good luck

   Number 6, don't follow the herd, because such behavior is dooming the Society. Sooner or later. A society in which everyone strives to be the center of attention is foolishly blinded by itself. It is no coincidence that we are all created so different - we need both leaders and introverts. The former set the direction of movement, and the latter make the adjustments. Moreover, in order to move forward as a community, one must humble one's own ambitions. The other is selfishness in its highest form. So, author, I wish you to like yourself as you are and to develop as a person. Don't listen to the capacities, including me :)

   Author, shy people will save the world the moment those poisoned with high self-esteem are swept away by those with low self-esteem, but with a lot of anger in themselves. And we will not take part in this fight. Then who do you think will provide new people to heroically replace those who fell in battle from ... having nothing to do? But this fight will not be a spectacular battle, because it is still being fought. As we write this, we are slowly but surely reducing the number of people who look at shy people like you with contempt. :) Besides, you can always force yourself and say to those who are dissatisfied with you: "To become like you? No, thank you!" If they still want to be dissatisfied, then it will be clear that they are a lost cause that does not exist. mind or dignity. And when it comes to your relatives, there is a universal magic phrase: "It's none of your business!" A few words, but what an effect they only cause! :)

   Number 13, you're contradicting yourself, aren't you? Your problem is that you just play in your shell and think bad of people, then you wonder why you don't have friends and you're not nice. "As we write this, people who look at shy people like you with contempt are slowly but surely declining. :) “Yes, when you close yourself at home and isolate yourself from normal people, the people around you will decrease in general. Change, the world will not change. On a crooked arm, space? crooked!

   if you're a chick - no problem, I like girls like you even more - I don't need any whores to talk to everyone they meet! don't you have a friend and friends? what is the problem? if you meet a person several times - you will get used to it, it is normal for the first time to go this way ... you are normal! no need to change!

   And why should the shy and anti-social die now? !!

   Number 14, I have some useful information about you: 1. If there are only shy people in the world, then they are not poisoned, because where are the much more shy of them, if they are all almost equally shy? It is true that there will be slight nuances in the group, but if there are no so-called "parrots" and the differences are not striking, who will go to make such a division and what will it be needed for? Thus, "poisoned" will be dropped as a concept due to unnecessaryness, because at the moment it is useful to the poisoned and launched by them. And who told you that those with low self-esteem and anger are the group of the shy? They are from another group, which is full of complexes and has a morality that is often close to that of Al Capone, for example. But I'm not saying that they are mobsters and are necessarily involved in criminal activity at the moment. The clarification is for some inconsiderate people in the topic (there are always some). 2. I can analyze people and that's why I don't have a lot of friends - why are there people who are unreliable, socially useless and will only pull me down on an intellectual and spiritual level? Rest assured - I have more real and valuable people for friends than others will ever have with this thinking despite their large companies. I'm not a zombie who only stays at home and hasn't seen the sun in years - something that's obviously an important part of the stereotype you're enslaved to. :) 3. If there should be any change (I do not impose an obligation as you do), it will be in such "reformers" as you! How do I know? Because I have met representatives of all three groups that I mention above. The angry ones can no longer change - they just don't have that opportunity left. We do not need to change, because in many respects we can serve as an example to others, and nature always keeps what is useful to it from an evolutionary point of view. The worse ones in our group eventually turn to the angry ones. You remain the ones who are great in words and even altruistically decided to "change" the others, but your life is tragic. That's why you're increasingly hanging out on the Internet looking for someone to "change" to convince yourself how good you are. First it's a few hours a week, and then it's a few hours a day. The most poisoned have occupied only Facebook and other social networks or even hardly access the Internet from social life, and some people (the outsiders of your group according to its leaders) are forced to give advice here - this is your inner division, which I have long witnessed. 4. Do you know what they said about Einstein when he was very young? "This child will not achieve anything significant in his life!" Well, Einstein refuted them, and every day many others succeed in their lives without unnecessary general changes in spite of human disapproval. :) I don't expect you to fully understand what has been written so far and you will probably ask for more explanations, but I have already told my opinion to the author, and I answered you because you are trying to do something you can't - to correct other people's mistakes from the position of " teacher ". The free lessons are over - from now on I don't care what you write on the topic. :) PS The saying about the crooked rocket is an emblem of the "cool" teens. Am I surprised that you use it after what was written above? No, not in the least! :)

   author, whatever they tell you and write about how shyness is very good and is not a problem, you yourself have come to the conclusion that this is not the case and this quality bothers you, otherwise you would not have posted a topic here. you can't change the world anyway, but you can work on yourself. don't say you can't change, you can and how. one is constantly changing, even if one does not want to. you obviously lack self-confidence and self-confidence. if you really want to, you can overcome it. now don't let anyone jump: you don't have to go to the other extreme, but shy and insecure people don't inspire confidence and security, they are more difficult to assign tasks, they are more limited in their profession. so work on yourself and good luck!

   Thanks for those who supported me, I will be happy for more opinions. No conference chats :) From the author

   I'm like that too, but smaller. I relax and I am my real self only in front of my closer friends. In front of the others, "I'm getting lost". I can't be myself ... The fact that I don't take part or don't talk much doesn't make me "alien"! There are simply more open and more closed - so to speak. I know a girl who is quite shy ... She bothers herself in this way .. insecure .., but as I read you are not quite like that. And I'm just like you :)) Do sports, it can give you more confidence. The more open ones are nothing more than you;), only where their mouths do not close!

   I am 16 and I have the same problem! I just can't relax in front of strangers when they talk to me, I look away or I just smile. I'm not like that in front of my friends, but when I meet someone I'm very uncomfortable! I want to relax, but it just doesn't work ...