How To Raise My Child?

Mine is a year and three months old and I understand you very well. Just in our efforts to be good and the child to be as satisfied and happy as possible, this is exactly what happens - he wants everything and he wants it at the moment. I haven't found a recipe for dealing with it yet, but I let her yell for something, then in a calm tone I explain that it's not done that way or it's dangerous, etc., if she keeps shaking, I put her in to donate the coop. I don't know if it's right, but at times it works. The important thing is to be healthy, to grow, and we will build the character somehow. I read a lot of books, you must have read too, but the children have personalities ...

Not everything is the fruit of upbringing. Many of a person's personal characteristics are innate. Character! Your role is to sculpt and navigate in the best possible way and be there when your child needs support. Some children roar, tremble, do not sleep from the third day on earth, while others are born with a good regime. It's so individual ... only different people with rigid understandings think that they know everything about raising a child, because theirs is not like that or in some cases - they don't have children at all, but they scatter their brains with a wide watering can. I have experience with such a child, who was like possessed by the Devil and was a horror, and fortunately after the 3rd year everything changed like a magic wand and began to sleep, listen and is now a beautiful, young lady who does not grumble. for absolutely nothing. Otherwise, it is very possible that at the moment, whatever you do, it may seem like a total failure. Leaving her to cry (because that's how it used to be), trying to provide her with non-stop activities ... but the truth is ... there is no universal approach that works equally well for everyone. The best advice I think I can give you is ... give the child to someone sometimes. Grandparents, brothers, sisters ... at least for a while, because otherwise all the stress, all the efforts you put in will take their toll and will have a very negative impact on your relationship.

I think almost every child at this age is shaking. Don't let her hit you by hitting her and you hit her so she knows she's not doing it. And mine shakes and wants. I slap her as she makes me very nervous.

A similar case with a family but with a child already 5 years old. Do the same numbers and numbers and pass. People are already thinking about a psychiatrist, but I convinced them to solve the problem in a dietary way, through food and water. Inherited from the "kitchen", she does not drink water and eats only sweet foods, she is furious and makes her parents and family crazy. There is still no end result, but there is progress on the advice described below. My advice is no sugar, if you need to force hot, clean water and talk at eye level, you need to squat. The children, especially at the age of 2, do not have their own identity and identify with the mother. Refrain from fulfilling her whims and even pretend that you are offended by her behavior. Cry, making her white and do not let her near you, turn your back but do not lose sight of her. Roar with it when it roars, cover your ears with your hands, pluck it when it plucks you and slap it on top of the handle when it touches you, or pinch its butt. Stop praying to her and speak in a firmer commanding tone with a few but clear and definite words. Do not allow the other parent or family to interfere. When she is jealous and starts to shake, take her through her chest so that she cannot use the entire volume of her chest, wash her with warm water on her face until she stops and make her drink warm water. Her adrenaline will drop and she will calm down. In children, it is excreted only through tears and urine. Children, if they do not have kidney problems, do not sweat profusely, as adults. If they have, then they sweat profusely and radiate adrenaline with tears and sweat. Buy a toy taller than her to take care of, but not a live animal, because then God will not be able to help you. Be careful what you feed her and nothing to drink except water !!! PP if you do not mind describe the child's diet and sleep patterns, but with details that seem even insignificant.

Liberal upbringing ruined these children. She is 2, what do you pray and explain to her ?! He won't understand you! He knows that by roaring he will eventually get what he wants, so he does it. She does not know what is right and what is not, she knows the fact that she will still get what she wants. You need to be stricter with your children, to know that when they are shaken they will be punished and it will be bad for them, they should be afraid of the consequences, not to run and do what they want, to feel like laugh, etc. I am not saying at all that they should be beaten, but that strict parents are needed. I already have the feeling that 80% of children are hellishly spoiled because their parents are praying for them, instead of doing their job as parents and instilling respect in their children. If your child has not hated you at least once in his first 7 years, then you have not done your job.

This is pure aggression towards you and other children, it is not just a violent child. It is true that children are not the same, but there are still normal boundaries. It is not normal to show aggression towards parents, to beat and pull them. Generally speaking, she does all these scenes because she has found that her numbers are passing. If she knew that to roar, it would not be hers, she would give up. And let no one come up with the number that the child had needs, so to take everything out of the fridge is not a need (not hungry), but a whim. You just have to set clear boundaries between acceptable and unacceptable behavior and not give up, no matter how difficult it may seem to you. When she wants to roar, to roar, it will happen as you have decided, not her. With a two-year-old if you can't handle it, I don't see you anymore. Take measures while she is small

I think you are approaching this child quite wrongly. You say yourself that if it doesn't happen to him, it shakes and roars. But there is another point here. To stop him from crying, you do what he wants - you open the fridge, etc. You let him cry, you go to the other room and let him get tired of crying, but he will only see that no matter how much he shakes he will not get it what he wants. For the playground and the children - does anyone slap

Only without slaps, please! The child has entered the so-called infantile puberty (2-3 years of age), during this period the child realizes that he is physically separated from the mother and tests the limits of his autonomy. The child needs independence, the right to choose, the right to curiosity, but also clear boundaries. It is the boundaries that give the child a sense of security. You have to be firm and consistent in setting boundaries. It can't be ok to mess with the fridge today and not tomorrow. When the child's behavior is unacceptable, just say confidently No! Of course, crying will follow, but crying is not a bad thing, it can be perceived as a completely natural expression of emotion. Crying is a useful, therapeutic release of tension, as with us. There is no point in avoiding and stopping crying. When crying begins, provide a safe environment, think about where the child may hit, if he can throw something. Do not talk to the child while he is crying, you have probably noticed that talking provokes him even more. Do not shout, do not ask "why are you crying", do not tell him to stop, do not speak to him kindly and reassuringly. You can just say "I'll wait for you to calm down" and ignore the crying. Then you can explain why you can't, let it be a short, simple explanation. If you react to crying, the "show goes on", if you try to distract the cry with a toy, food, etc., it would mean for the child "if I cry I will receive attention and rewards" - it examines your reactions. It already knows that every action has a consequence. Do not be ashamed of people outside, the upbringing of the child is more important than the opinion of strangers. When a child hits another child, immediately pull away from the situation. Say "no", take him to a quiet, remote place and let him release the tension. If necessary, put him in the cart, tell him "the game is over" and go home. Within a week, the child will understand why the game ends, show consistency within the limits, uncompromising with them. When it hits you, say "no", "don't hit me", stand up so you don't have enough, leave the room if you have to. He will follow you, tell him "we won't play, you hit me", point to the place and ignore it, as well as the subsequent crying. Unacceptable behavior should never be rewarded. But also do not fill the child's life with "No", let them concern the well-being and safety of the child, and not the comfort of the parents. Curiosity is the root of curiosity, so let's encourage it. The child may want to take the dishes out of the cupboard, do it together to be safe. If it is not forbidden, this action will be repeated 3, 4 times, the child will satisfy curiosity and will no longer be interested in the dishes. If he is very interested in a dangerous object, remove it from view. If you do not want to confuse somewhere, put protectors. But do not condemn curiosity, the child will decide that exploring the world is dangerous or forbidden. Give a choice whenever possible, the child should know that he has the right to an opinion. Prepare 2 dresses and ask which one you prefer, two games, the color of the straw, the taste of the juice. Use as few words and clear sentences as possible. Without "My sunshine, let's wear pink shoes, because we will go for a walk, we will eat what you are, we will see who you are" this does not enrich the vocabulary, but confuses the child, such outpourings do not allow him to understand what the specific actions are called . "We're going out. Let me put you on," "We're going in the elevator," "We're going to the park." The diminutives "water, ball" are also not desirable, difficult to pronounce. Stimulate independence, let the child try and do nothing for him. It strongly desires to be able to alone. Create a routine. Eating and sleeping should happen at the same time every day. Always after a walk, the shoes are taken off, the hands are washed, the clothes are changed. Habits are built with consistency. My eldest child is 2 and a half years old, he carries his chair to the table by himself, sits down, eats, collects the crumbs in the plate and lifts it to the sink. He goes to the bathroom, blows his nose (not very effective, of course), throws the paper in the toilet and flushes the water. All these actions are not perfect, but only experience is a path to skills, so we constantly encourage it "well done, it's great". Experience is sought, not results. Turn the work into a game. Sing a song about hand washing, for example. I had a hard time teaching our son to put away his toys, I tried to count them, to name them, I took all sorts of boxes, but nothing intrigued him. Finally, one night I moved everything from the floor to the front door. I even threw away a few crumbling ones. In the morning my son was amazed to see them there. I told him, "Your toys want to go. It was cold on the floor last night, they told me you don't put them to sleep in a corner.

So, stop her sugar and absolutely all of them. Instead of sugar, give only fruit, at most 1-2 squares of chocolate a week. Otherwise, it will not stop and it will get worse. And mine was like that, from personal experience I speak. He also talks to the pediatrician about some kind of detoxification, because of all the waste and environmental waste, the body is clogged with toxins and that's exactly what happens. Another factor that can influence is relatives who stay with her but do not look after her well. I gave mine to her grandmother and I thought everything was fine, but later I found out how she beat her and got hysterical (she has a tendency, I've seen her before, but I didn't believe she was capable of such things before the child). So think about it and if she stays somewhere with a night's sleep, stop her from there for a while to see if anything changes.

5, the parent model you described is desperate. My "father" (super nasty word) is even worse than you think. He made it so that for as long as I can remember I have always hated him, I hate him more and more and he still has little. Remember that when you sharpen, you will hope for the care of your children. So don't make them hate you. One that you ruin their psyche forever (childhood traumas are never forgotten and it always hurts when we remember what damn bastards we were forced to grow up with) and second - you hardly want to die alone in old age, hungry, thirsty, cold and goals in shit. Make your bill on time. Otherwise, everyone will suffer from your stupidity. Such parents as you have described create the greatest freaks, criminals and psychopaths. Since you can't look after children, you better not create them.

A 2-year-old child is still small enough to say that he was not brought up. Tell him what's right and what's not, how good he is to behave, and focus on what he should do, not what he shouldn't do. When she does bad things, such as plucking and others, immediately tell her NO and show her how to caress the child. And so, when he turns 4, he will begin to realize, to watch what others do, how they behave, what they say, and then the results of your actions today will become apparent. But for now, it works primarily, you can't change anything at this stage. At this age, most still pee, what is left for upbringing. Do not worry. It is normal for your age.

It may be hyperactive, but it's very young, under 2 years old ... sounds like the behavior of an older child. Otherwise, children simply have a very weak will and a weak nervous system, so they can't stand (and roar / shake) that they don't get something that is an "trifle" for an adult.

There is no such thing as a bad gene, it's all about upbringing !!! "Did I make my child like that or just lucky?" You ask and I answer you you made the child like that! The child has the right to all feelings, but not to all behavior. The task of the parent is to learn and inspire, but not to embarrass and punish, much less to slap. The parental "no" should be a law, that is, it should have the meaning of an unequivocal "no" and not sound vague and vague as "maybe". You have to learn to nurture, as soon as you squirm you leave her alone in her crib in her room to squirm and roar as much as she wants, just tell her that you will talk to her when she calms down. If she wants to wear it when you are out for a walk, you simply refuse, and if she is jealous, you go home in order to learn that you will not tolerate roars and screams in the streets and that the walk should be a general pleasure, not playing her whistle. however, to tell her everything, why and how in a few words, she cannot speak, but she understands you very well. Learn to say no and stand up for yourself. I understand that it is difficult but no one has ever told you that it is easy to be a parent, right? Once she has learned that when she is jealous she gets what she wants now you will have to endure a few roars until she realizes that the roar and banging trick no longer works. The sooner you manage to teach her that yours does NOT mean NO and the consequences of not listening are alone in her room and not getting your attention, the better for both her and you. And remember slaps, paint and screams are also a kind of attention, so do not use them for education.

See a child psychologist.

I think you need to be stricter and stop pleasing her about everything. You dropped it slightly if you hadn't beaten it before. She is the boss in your house and you will hardly break her temper.

There is a show uploading his episodes on YouTube called Supernanny. There, parents learn how to deal with such children

I am firmly against the slapping factory, but apparently you have gone to the other extreme and spoiled your child too much. And it's only 2 ... imagine what kind of teenager you will have one day. Therefore, I advise you to take serious measures. When he does something wrong or wants something impossible, first calmly explain to him that he should not do this and that or that there is no way his wish can be fulfilled. If he understands better, but will most likely continue to write and insist or do the thing in question, then you can now seriously raise his voice. The goal is to startle him, but without slapping him. If that doesn't help, you can shake it slightly, of course, taking care not to hurt it. Well, of course this is in case it's not something dangerous. If he ran only to the street, then you immediately catch him and shout like that. The question is to understand from a young age that when mom or dad raises his voice, he is obliged to do what they say! No grumbling and no bargaining. At least for my daughter, that works. Yes, then she insulted me that it didn't happen to her, but at least she listened to me. Another trick that also works for my daughter is to let her roar. Yes, I know it sounds cruel, but once I give up, then every time it will get on my head. I just let her roar, stamp her feet and shake until she realizes that if she's going to roar all day, she won't get what she wants. Yes, it's annoying, but I just can't buy 10 ice creams a day or buy all the dolls in the store. If I say NO, then NO, if I want to roar for hours on end, it usually transmits much faster. And if none of the standard things work, then maybe you should talk to a child psychologist, because it's not normal for a 2-year-old to get on his parents' head. If you can't calm him down at this age, what will you do when he turns 15? !!

You have to be a little tougher in my opinion. You relaxed her a little more and now she does what she wants. Children are researchers, she knows perfectly well how far her abilities extend, how far she can manipulate you. You have to keep your word and be honest. When she says I want candy, but will have dinner after your refusal. The most likely reaction would be roaring and screaming because she was getting everything at the moment. Say no means NO! Things should be clear and simple. But when you promise her something, you have to keep it. My cousin was so damned and they always handed it to me because no one could handle her, and she was as cunning as a herd of foxes from a young age ... I showed her that when we play we play, but when things are serious are serious. She usually tries on me, my aunt was the mayor of a village and there was a big fair, she told me: when you come to put on your white shoes. However, the little devil has twisted her finger that she wants to wear flip-flops, but there would be some important people, so she couldn't do flip-flops. The same movie roar, screams to achieve his aunt always forgives her for not dealing with her. Yes, but I'm a different dough person, I don't like to be pampered and drool. My mother and I put on our shoes and walked to the center and let her roll on the floor and squeal, scream. But she did not expect such a reaction, because my aunt began to pray to her and for 1 hour we sat and prayed that she would put on her shoes. It wasn't even 2 minutes and ours flew in with white shoes and forgot that they had been robbing her all night, we couldn't take her home. She hasn't tried to spin my number since. Clear rules and clear boundaries. You know, it's best to go to YouTube: there is a channel, Mama Mia gives a lot of good advice and there was a video exactly for this age: children's pobertet from 2 years to 5 years and they talked about exactly that children become devils: D. Watch a very nice video, it will help you a lot.

Author: Thank you all for the comments. I tried some of your tips and they work. Today, for example, get stuck in the park. He wanted to make white, ie. to get wet on the tap, but when I said no, she started grumbling and didn't want to go with me. I said goodbye and walked forward. He got angry and screamed quite loudly in anger. I did not react and kept walking. I said we wouldn't go there because it would get wet and sick. He sat down to cry on the ground. I stepped aside. He grumbled a little, got up, and then came running to me and hugged me and said "mamaaa." Then forget it. I will continue to do so, he helped me. I just can't handle swinging my face yet. I tried everything. I even pretended to cry. He starts muttering to me and hits and pulls again. Let's see. Thank you. It's definitely worth tightening up now, because I don't want to miss the moment and it becomes my biggest nightmare - nasty slimy teen.

Ot4 do Do14. i vsichki ostanali. Psikholozite netryabva da imat kakŭvto i da e dotseg do detsa, a samo do roditekite. Do 8. i avtora. Ako sŭberem sŭvetite mi po fiziologiya s vashite po vŭzpitanie/ psikhologiya/, shte se poluchi tsyalosten algoritŭm za podobni situatsii. Edinstvenoto neshto s koeto ne sŭm sŭglasen e za absolyutiziraneto na vredata ot shtamarche ili shtipane. Vsichki znayat, che antibiotitsite, koeto na prost ezik oznachava-"protiv zhivota" sa s vredni posleditsi. A dali i koga antibiotitsite sa polezni? Samo pri nuzhda ot spechelvane na vreme za srabotvane na imunnata vi sistema- togava sa polezni. Sŭshtoto e s minimalnoto meko nasilie. To e fiziologicheski polezno i absolyutnata mu zabrana v Evropa i SASHT e pagubno. Tam otdavna vmesto da razplachat izpadnaloto v stres dete s koeto da izlŭchat khormona adrenalin ot krŭvoobrŭshtenieto na deteto s leko poshtipvane po buzkite, dupeto ili pervane po gornata strana na rŭkata, karat gorkite detsa po psikhiatri, psikholozi i gi tŭpchat s antidepresanti. Sled 1 tril’on dolara ezhegodni razkhodi za zdrave SASHT sa naĭ-bolnata natsiya v sveta. Norvegiya, Shvetsiya i Kholandiya, koito se mŭchat da nalozhat standartite za otglezhdane na detsa v Evropa sa naĭ- invalidiziranite v Evropa. I zabelezhete Finlandiya ne e v grupata. Ne taka pravyat obache v Yaponiya, Korea, Kitaĭ. Tova, koeto spodelyam e tekhniya opit v spravyaneto s izlŭchvaneto na adrenalin ot det·skite tela, chrez meko nasilie. Izvoda e, che kakto antibiotitsite pomagat v opredelen moment, taka i mekoto nasilie v opredeleni situatsii na stres pri detsata e absolyutno zdravoslovno. PP Dete, koeto se dere ot rev e silno OBEZVODNENO!!! Показване на още 1646/5000 Максимален брой знаци: 5000 From 4 to 14. and everyone else. Psychologists should not have any contact with children, but only with parents. To 8. and the author. If we add my advice on physiology with yours on education / psychology /, we will get a complete algorithm for such situations. The only thing I don't agree with is about absolutizing the damage from a punch or a pinch. Everyone knows that antibiotics, which in simple language means "against life", have harmful effects. And if and when are antibiotics useful? Only when you need to gain time for your immune system to work - then they are useful. It's the same with minimal soft violence. It is physiologically beneficial and its absolute ban in Europe and the United States is detrimental. There, long ago, instead of crying the stressed child to emit the hormone adrenaline from the child's bloodstream with a slight pinch on the cheeks, buttocks or washing on the upper arm, they drive the poor children to psychiatrists, psychologists and cram them with antidepressants. After $ 1 trillion in annual health spending, the United States is the sickest nation in the world. Norway, Sweden and the Netherlands, which are struggling to set standards for raising children in Europe, are the most disabled in Europe. And notice Finland is not in the group. However, they do not do so in Japan, Korea, China. What I share is their experience in dealing with the emission of adrenaline from children's bodies through mild violence. The bottom line is that both antibiotics help at some point and mild violence in certain stressful situations in children is absolutely healthy. PP A child who screams from a roar is very DEHYDRATED !!!

Number 10, number 5. I'm sorry about the father you have. You definitely didn't understand me correctly, I don't support fighting or eternal harassment at all! By "hating" I meant thoughts like the child's: "Mom is very nasty, she doesn't want to buy me a glowing scooter, and Katya has one!", Or "I don't want to go to kindergarten, I hate you for driving me, never to make my children go there! " These are pampering that we have not pleased, things that children usually gossip about and parents like the author perform, just to have peace at home. I hope I was able to explain what I meant - the child has a scooter, the fact that it does not shine is a whim; the child has to go to nursery, that roaring does not change things. And yes, in those moments they "hate" us, but once they cry and calm down, things get better.

I can't believe that to this day there are people who beat their children. I read the comments and swallowed. Don't do to your children what you don't want them to do to you. You will be old in their hands, so burn your mind. Otherwise you will suffer. From a grown-up, beaten child who lived for 17 years with a super-damn bastard instead of a father.

author, if she continues to pluck and hit, despite the fact that she sees that it hurts, then it is impossible with words. When she starts, grab her hands and squeeze them not to pain or bruising, but to feel that you are stronger than her. At the same time, look her in the eye and say, "No, they shouldn't," or something like that. When she stops reaching, let her go, you can explain once again that this is not done. She has obviously decided that everything is allowed to her and she does what she wants. He must feel that you are in command of the parade and setting the boundaries, not her. Otherwise, congratulations on the progress, just like that!

In my opinion, number 11 is an extremely sober opinion. He advises very meaningfully, but he doesn't care what he says to a lot of people. Most seem to be of the opinion that raising a child consists only of being fed, disguised, and some such physical thing in general. And as for the mental, they often don't even think about it ... until the child becomes one ... 'naughty'.

Violence with violence, there is no cure! What normal person shakes his child's hands to bruises ?! So, an adult with a medical certificate for a hematoma has the right to a restraining order and police protection, the fact that the child cannot claim his rights does not mean that they do not exist. This "Strategy for the child" was obviously vital to us ... I can't believe that in 2019, with all the literature, videos on early childhood development, free schools for parents, free consultations with child psychologists and speech therapists, all there are still people who believe in violence against children as a means of education. Moreover, as a means of educating in non-violence ... It's like showing him how to gain weight to teach him to eat healthily, this is complete nonsense.

Up to 8. = 25. of 4. As much as I liked the rationality of comment 8., you set me negatively about you with gender in comment 25. In com.20 I clearly describe what is the natural and only healthy solution for the health of a child in stress. To which you say "violence, violence, strategy" We are not talking about upbringing in violence that really breeds violence, but about the usefulness of "soft" violence at certain times, not on a daily basis. And again, there is nothing worse for a child than direct contact with a psychologist. Who wants to learn from other people's mistakes to listen to me. Who wants to learn from their own mistakes - psychologists under the road and over the road. The health of you and your children is your responsibility. Even with the help and treatment of doctors or others, the responsibility and consequences are again for you!

25, don't you read? It says NOT to squeeze to the point of pain or bruising, but to stop the child from hitting or pulling it. What do you understand that went all the way to strategy?

Until 25 "It's like showing him how to gain weight to teach him to eat healthily, it's completely absurd." Uh ... no :)

Now I saw that it says NO to pain and bruising, I apologize for the mistake, I was affected by most of the above comments. I myself grew up with physical and verbal abuse from a perfectionist father, and violence against children pulls a very painful string inside me. Number 25

The child calmed down. There was a toothache. Thank you. Author.

Mine is a nasty character, and it's already 7, no matter what we tried, there was no success. There is a transmission of character by gene, do you know how many well-behaved adopted children become gamens?

I agree with №5, this is exactly the reason why children get bored, №2 formulates it exactly "Just in our efforts to be good and the child to be as satisfied and happy as possible, this is exactly what happens - he wants everything and he wants it at the moment." - and if he doesn't get it, he goes wild. Children should not be allowed to dominate adults. Their upbringing is like that of dogs, they must feel the respect of their parents, otherwise there is no upbringing, but indulgence.