Hello! I am a 19-year-old girl and I would like to share my problem with you and seek any help from your opinions and advice. So let me start ... as I said above, I am 19 years old and now I am about to be a first year student in Sofia. So far, everything is fine, but the problem arose after I decided to tell my mother that I want to be in a dormitory, not a dormitory, because my specialty is such that it requires learning, not constant noise and going to discos without interruption. Because I was raised only by her and her parents, I share everything with her as my parent. However, she did not agree at all with my wish, because her colleagues' children were in dormitories, they were fine, I was just making up occasions, I would be isolated and not find friends and company, I would not have normal student years. And without reaching an agreement, I can't explain to her that there is anarchy in the dormitories, it is very rare to find yourself in a more normal atmosphere, but she doesn't understand it and doesn't ... And in the meantime I have a friend who is 3 years older. We have been together for about 10 months. And in Sofia the idea is for him to be with me in the apartment, we will share the costs, he has many acquaintances there, and he also works there. When my mother heard this, she was insane. He started some essays, all sorts of situations in general ... how my colleagues would think of me as a family, how I only clung to one boy and could not see further from him, I would not be able to contact other boys and I would not I'm tied up ... and I tried my best to explain to her that there would be no such thing, but she didn't and no, and all this was followed by constant scandals every day. I do not know.. she's not a bad woman, but she's just obviously far behind in time, I don't know, and maybe what I'm saying isn't true, because it's normal for a mother to worry about her child, and I know that, but that's too much. .. She generally approves of the boy I am with and says that he is good and decent ... well, of course, there are no perfect people, there were misunderstandings between which she witnessed, but these are normal things .. She doesn't really know that he and I have consumed our relationship, so to speak. He believes that this did not happen at all. She always told me before I had a more serious friend that sleeping with someone would have serious consequences, especially if she was the first in the girl's life ... I would be obsessed with him and if she left me crazy, I was separate. I would not pay attention to learning, etc. And I was the answer, I decided that if this happens one day I won't tell her right away, because I was just as scared as I am now ... and I decided to keep it quiet and so I kept it for 5 months. Because she thinks that the connection is not consumed, she constantly repeats to me how things will be different in the apartment, already there. will start consuming and it would be scary then. And this thing, as I said, keeps happening to me. At times I can barely tell her the truth, but I see that she just freaks out from the thought, not to mention if she really hears it, and I give up, because if I tell her it will be scary just ... scary. But from her stories I found one thing ... that I did not abandon my studies at all, on the contrary, I was even accepted as a student and what I wanted and I did not go crazy, I did not become obsessed after sleeping with my friend. On the contrary, everything is the same and she even told me that it would be immediately apparent to me if we slept, but now there was no such thing, and she knew I was not. I don't know why there is such an attitude and I don't know why he behaves like that and accepts things like that, I don't know at all ... I look at my friends' mothers. behave like that, and she always finds examples with her acquaintances. And I don't know what to do, this is already a daily harassment and scandals about this thing, that most of all she didn't want the accommodation because of the consumption in question, and everything would be fine in the dormitory. Sometimes I have the feeling that he is living in complete delusion, but I don't know what to think really and even less I know what to do in this complicated situation. Yes, that's right, someone will say, "Why does your mother have such an influence on you at 19 "At the moment it's so simple until I settle there I will be dependent on it at least to some extent financially, because I won't be able to work right away.
1 latinxxxcpl answered
Hello! I am also a sophomore. I am not in a dormitory, and I do not pay rent to my relatives. However, I can tell you that accommodation in Sofia is expensive, especially if you want something better. There you will also have to live with at least one other person. It is difficult to combine study and work, especially if you have chosen something that requires constant lectures. In your dormitories it is pure luck where you will end up. In my opinion, one of the reasons your mother insists so much on a dormitory is finances. The dormitory costs about BGN 60-70 per month with the bills, it still depends on where you are, there are different prices. While for the accommodation it is many times more. You have a friend, but he's here today, he's gone tomorrow. It is not known how things will develop between you and him, when you live together is something else entirely. And about "consumption" - your mother is also a woman, at the same time she is not stupid, she does not fall from Mars - she is aware that when you go to bed you will not just cuddle. While if you are in a dormitory it is different - you will be there with at least 1, if not 2 girls, it will not be convenient to invite him there, let alone "consume", also if he lives far from Student City you will also it takes time to walk to them, to come back, especially if there are other people with him. And if you are together, God forbid you get pregnant - you went to study, student life and what not. Because men are: "but I'll be careful" and then "well, it's a mess", even if you use protective equipment, there is always a risk. Separately for the attachment - if you have been in a relationship with a person for a relatively long time, but it is normal to become attached and then to regret and suffer a lot, if something happens, separate, etc. n This will affect your psyche more or less. Separately, maybe your mother thinks that you need someone more suitable for you, and with this you waste your time. Even if you take a dormitory, you can leave at any time or pay to keep your place, but to live temporarily with your friend, to see how things will develop and if something does not work out, you can always return. But keep in mind that you will probably be completely financially dependent on your mother, you will not have time to work, and even if you do find one, there are rarely those with flexible working hours, but I still don't think that even if you go to a place to live alone or with your friend, your mother will stop helping you. In short, I think that her fears are mainly these - that next to your friend you will turn your back on learning, that you may sink too much, children, etc., apart from that you are by his side and accordingly if you work and study you will not have any time left for social life, friends, etc., and this is also important, not only to have close people and colleagues, but you do not know about the future which friend will lend you a hand, so it is important to get along with others and have friends, of course those who share your interests, goals, etc. and are decent and responsible, because I was left with the impression that you yourself you are like that. Good luck, girl! :) because I was left with the impression that you are yourself. Good luck, girl! :) because I was left with the impression that you are yourself. Good luck, girl! :)