How Long Does It Take To Forget A Loved One?

The Story

Hi, I'm a 24 year old woman. Half a year ago I broke up with my ex-boyfriend, with whom we were together for 2 years. He is my first big love. He is 33 years old, if that matters. I loved him and I still love him. We parted many times, but then we always got together. I will not write details about the reasons why we cannot be together. In short - we have both made a lot of mistakes, we have forgiven each other, but I now realize that I have no future with this man. He hurt me dozens of times, after which I always forgave him. The last time we broke up 6 months ago, I suffered a lot. I always hoped that he would look for me and change, but alas. I always hoped that one day he would realize what he was losing. Yes, but we have never met to this day. We kept in touch, we wrote to each other from time to time, but up to there. And I always shuddered in anticipation that everything would change. But I never saw a change. I tried to look at things realistically, I thought a lot and decided that it would be best to do my best to forget it. I just woke up one morning and decided I would stop all contact with him. I changed my phone number, deleted all the applications that can write to me. I just decided to disappear suddenly. The first days I felt some relief, I thought it would be easy for me, but it's not like that at all. Every day I go to bed and wake up thinking about him. I have not closed myself in, I am constantly finding something to do. I'm trying to fill my time. I work a lot, and when I rest I play sports, go out with friends or find some other activity.

But when I get home alone, only I know what's wrong with me. We live in a small town, where it is inevitable not to get caught. I have to see him from time to time. It is very difficult for me, I cry quite often. I want to forget it with all my heart, but I can't. I tell myself I would never go back to him, but I'm just lying to myself. I am afraid of myself, I am afraid that he is my weakness. I'm afraid he'll find a way to contact me and go back to him. And I don't want to. It hurts a lot, and since we broke up, I feel like part of me is missing. I feel a void that no one else can fill. Otherwise, I have no other problems, I have a good job, a good salary, I am independent, but I am not happy. I feel like I'm in a vicious circle I can't get out of. I don't know how much you can help me, but I just needed to share. How long will I need, to stop thinking about him all the time? Will my heart ever stop beating hard every time I see it?

Last Updated
August 05, 2020
Author:
bubble_love1

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