How Do I Get Out Of The State I Allowed Myself To Fall Into ??

The Story

Hello, I am an 18-year-old girl and like most of my peers I decided to take a driving course. I made this decision half a year ago and enrolled in a driving school. I knew from the beginning that it would be difficult for me, but I was motivated to cope. The problem came during the practice exam. I fell into a state that was not clear to me until then. The problem was that I was torn because I confused the direction I was assigned. I was so close, with minor mistakes, in the last minute of the exam .. I believed I would take it .. but out of stress I confused one direction and the answer was no, followed by screams from the examiner, even my instructor could not believe it. I have seldom failed - my work has always been rewarded. Then this condition was unlocked, getting out of the car I started to tremble, not knowing where I was, I could not understand what happened, as if in my mind the only thing left in my mind was the thought that I was incompetent and stupid. Accordingly, I reappeared and during the exam I just went very close to a curb due to tension and again I had no, again insults - you don't think, you don't stand for anything, etc. - just a terrible re-experience. After a week I gathered courage and calmed down - I finally succeeded and I think that my condition will improve. Now you will reproach me that because of the greatest stupidity in the world I have taken myself very seriously ... I know, I don't want that to be the case, but I can't find a way out of this state.

Now I drive, I try, every day I learn something new, I try to fit into the road conditions ... but when I look at the cars - just as I walk and tense up, I remember how severe depression I got, how many nerves I lost . Unfortunately, I did not run away from my condition ... I can't concentrate on my lessons, I can't remember, my thoughts are overwhelmed by the failures I went through. To this day it is so, I constantly remember the words that were said to me. I do not suffer so much from failure, but rather from the verbal attack. Please I want to be as before - to concentrate and abstract. How can I forget and cope, when everyone around me talks about courses and cars .. everything around me reminds me of this ... I absolutely agree that the fact that they broke me on some stupid exam is not a pain to die but depression and fear of not being able to cope with future more difficult challenges just unlocked in me. Everyone finds a change in me, my expression, my appearance - in my head is a mess of bad memories and negative thoughts, I have difficulty breathing, I'm tired, exhausted, and the difficulties are yet to begin - entrance exams, graduation exams, university, confrontation with reality ... I want to recover, to have the strength to move forward. I'm not proud of what I'm becoming, I've withered .. Please give me advice on how to cope ... I want to be my previous self, I want to believe, act and succeed ..

Last Updated
August 23, 2020
Author:
dream_girlll

Comments