How Do I Accept Life Without Children?

The Story

Hi! My problem is related to infertility - something I never thought would happen "right to me." I went through the phases of depression and not accepting reality, and now I'm still happy with life, but there's always something missing. I would like to hear advice on how to accept the fact that I may never become a mother (even an adopted child). How to preserve family happiness when the couple wants children, and they never come. If someone has experienced the same, I'd be happy to let them know from experience how they did it. I always dreamed of having three or four children, and a few years ago I finally found the right man who wanted the same thing. We are already married, and after the wedding we immediately started trying, because we could not wait for our first child to appear. We have a relatively large dwelling and the means to raise several children. After a year of unsuccessful babymaking, we assumed there was a problem and went to clinics for research. And the problem turned out in me - polycystic ovaries, poor-quality eggs, lack of ovulation. Basically, it has to be a miracle to get pregnant naturally. So we became regular "clients" of a reproductive medicine clinic. We did a few stimulations and experiments naturally that didn't work. They also gave me laparoscopy and no other problems were found. My husband and I decided not to engage in inseminations, which in our case would hardly have worked, and we went straight to the in viro procedures. So far, the result is 2 failures and a lot of time, nerves, and money in the wind. The first time only 1 embryo was obtained, and the second time - 3 when I was returned 2 (placing 3 is forbidden), but I never got pregnant. Now we have 1 frozen, but not very good quality, with which we are about to try October. It's our hope, but realistically the odds are slim. In the meantime, we're not doing anything - we're doing more research on NK cells, etc. before the next attempt. The country in which we live does not have an in vitro fund as in Bulgaria, and the cashier pays only a percentage of the first 3 attempts. If they all fail, you take them alone - each with a few thousand euros. I agree and even offered to try donor eggs, here however this practice is forbidden and we have to go abroad, where it is not cheap at all. On the issue of adoption - for me, it is also an option, but my man, like most, does not want to look after foreign children and disagrees. He wants to let his genes go and only his own children to inherit him. He is right for himself and I do not want to insist since he has no desire to have children in this way. We are happy and love each other, but we miss the children. I am glad that this problem does not affect our marriage and I hope so in the future. But it weighs on me that I'm going to be 30 now and I don't have kids yet, and the odds aren't great. My goal has always been to have a big, nice family, not to pursue a career. Successes at work can't replace the joy of having children. I don't want to deprive him of the chance to have his own successors, and sometimes I don't see a way out of this situation. We continue with the attempts and are determined not to give up until it happens. I'm afraid of a future without children if it doesn't. For me, they've always been the point of life, and I don't want to put up with it that I may never have.

Last Updated
June 23, 2020
Author:
kate_hot_love

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