How Can I Stop Being Jealous?

The Story

Hello. I am a 24 year old girl and I want to learn not to envy, despite the circumstances. I will tell you how I became envious, maybe it will take a long time, because the problem dates back to as far back as I can remember. I live with my parents, who have always been obsessed with saving (money). They have always been like that. At the same time, life has never brought me together with people like us. I remember when I was little the kids often told me I was ugly / nasty (and that's how I saw things). I'm not the first beauty, that's right, but now when I look at photos from kindergarten / school, I see how everyone has well-shaped hairstyles and nice clothes, and my mother "fucked" me as best she could, with "trimmed" briton ... My clothes were always "old", with wicks, etc. In general, I looked like from my mother's time, not to mention my grandmother. In school, apart from the fact that they all looked "modern" / "modern", they had a lot more money in them, they bought pizzas / "pockets" (a kind of sandwich), croissants / something sweet, juice, etc., and I could only make a pie, for example ( of the then money) if I have 35 cents, the others had at least a lev. I kept wondering how they could give them so much money (there was a lot of it at the time). The problem is that ALL the children in the class were like that, not just some I envied. I was an extremely "disobedient" child, and then I thought that others were like that because they deserved it with their "obedience." My parents are not bad people at all otherwise, there has always been more for me than for them. Between the ages of 4 and 18, we had to go for some periodic honey. examinations in Varna. When we went there, we always stayed for a few days, " but no one is like my parents, at least in my department. As I said at the beginning, life has never brought me together with people like us. I don't know why and if it's normal, but it affected my psyche very badly. That's how I became "envious". But don't get me wrong, I've never wanted anything bad for someone, I'm glad people aren't like us, I just can't stop wondering why we're not like the others. At least those others who have been or are around me. And the fact that my mother claims that many people were like us, that I imagine that I am blinded by envy and the like, irritates me terribly, because I see something else. And not just because of that. We heat with coal, which heats 5 liters of water, which should heat the whole apartment. Ironically, 4-5 years ago I had a problem that I could not stand the cold. When I get very cold, I fall into a state with strong muscle tightness, trembling and inability to do anything. And I have a vital need to turn on the electric radiator / blower, and my mother always mutters about the electricity. I bathe once a week, they don't give me more, because if I go in, I stay for almost an hour, because if I don't warm up, when I stop showering I get very strong muscle spasms, trembling, and if I let go of lukewarm or cold water, my muscles contract so much that I can't take a breath at all. It is also very dirty and messy in our country. You will need a ton of detergent to clean it. It's just that dirt has accumulated everywhere, most of the apartment hasn't been cleaned in years. "Luggage" is full everywhere - starting with blankets, clothes, fabrics, rags, ties, cartons, bottles, jars, linoleum and other things, that might ever be needed for something, and it comes down to piles of old newspapers, magazines, pens, parts for things, small rubbish that clutters the shelves, but most things can't go home because the cupboards can't be put away. closed by other luggage. Most furniture is more than 30 years old. The so-called everyday life occupies 100% of the life and consciousness of my parents. They tell me that when I have children and a family, I will understand them. But I know people who have also raised children but do not live that way at all. And more than one child, because I don't have siblings. I want to say that the topic was not written in order to complain (what is the meaning of an anonymous site), but to share, because I can not explain the statements of my parents, which do not correspond at all to what I see. Thanks to those who read my story. I apologize if what is written sounds confusing, I tried not to make it too long.

Last Updated
September 02, 2020
Author:
lacybelle

Comments