How Can I Get It Back After I Let It Go!

Hello! I want to share my story! I am 24 years old and have been in a relationship with a 20 year old girl for a year and a half. It all started with the work environment. We were both waiters in a restaurant. Even when I started working there two years ago, I had a girlfriend to whom I felt nothing (and she to me too). But one day my girlfriend and our mutual friends invited me to be guests at the restaurant where I work! Everything went great, we ate, drank, danced. And this girl I'm going to talk about now was at work and serving us! I felt a little sick that she was working and I was a guest! Anyway ... The next day, ironically, there was a banquet of the company and all the staff celebrated. This colleague of mine was sitting across from me at the table and I watched her all the time how innocent she was! Then I felt something in her. We played, we danced, drank together. So the evening unfolded that she agreed to sleep in a room. Accordingly, we did nothing special, on the contrary, we talked and laughed all night! The very next day I told my then-girlfriend that I didn't feel anything for her and I wasn't ready to continue! She answered me in the same way and we parted peacefully and meekly. However, our adventure with this girl (this colleague of mine) continued. Still, we worked together and everything was fine. Since I lived alone, I invited her from time to time to talk to us and finish the evening properly. We slept huddled and in the morning who is from where. This scenario is repeated for a year and a half. At one or two weeks she visited me and everything was repeated! This year and a half, however, she fell in love with me! Every time she came to visit us, we started with the conversation .. How she has any feelings for me! And I (now I understand that I am a fool) responded to the words and asked to wait a little longer. And the script again .. She came to us every time with even greater feelings for me and could not somehow make me feel and relax to be together. I am a little afraid of how relatives and friends will react to the fact that we have a 5 year difference. I thought they would think she was too small. And somehow that stopped me from taking any steps. Everything lasted until the beginning of December. She followed her dreams and enlisted in a military unit. Our workplace relationships are over. Our only contact was when one of us was doing intimate things, and again negotiating something more than friends. So one sunny day she decided that she would come to visit the restaurant where she also worked. I was glad to see her. We stayed alone in the restaurant and she suggested that we go somewhere for the weekend, just to be together. However, I did not have enough money to be sure that I would be able to cover the wishes of both of us. Then I felt a small part of me ignite and tell me that this girl really wants to be with me and I also have to respond to her feelings! I decided to take a little more in advance than I could, but they didn't give it to me! Then instead of looking somewhere ... From a friend or relative, I decided that I would wait until December 15 for the entire salary. And so it happened. I took my salary on the evening of the 15th and in the morning of the 16th I sat down to think about how to surprise her and where we were going. When I decided everything, I even took a Christmas present and wrote to share my plan! Here, however, came the turning point. She was cold even in chat. Something was wrong. I told myself she might be mad at me for not doing anything before! The next day I asked her if she was angry with me for something, and she replied, "I have nothing to be angry with you for anymore." Then I wondered if I had messed up so much, but I was calm because I knew he loved me! Exactly one week later, however, I saw a story on a social network where she was kissing someone else! I couldn't survive it! Nevertheless, I behaved like a man and even congratulated him. It hurt a lot that I wanted to show my feelings for her, but I was late! I realized that she already has new interests and new feelings for another. She deserves it, because this year and a half, apart from not responding to her feelings, I also lied to her about some things. Somehow I accepted it. I left her even though I didn't want to. However, a new year has come. We heard each other say "for many years". We talked for about 4-5 minutes and everything was normal until he told me "I miss you" and words like "he doesn't hug me like you"! Well then I realized that this is my girl and I have to get her back at all costs! I returned from the New Year's celebration on January 2nd. In the evening I went straight to them and told her to come down to see me for a while. We spent the morning talking together. However, she was not ready to give me another chance. She explained to me that the other boy also had feelings for her and she wanted to give him a chance. She had already introduced him to her parents and friends. It turned out that he was also a military man and everyone liked him, and she was influenced by the opinion of others. In her night, as if it weren't me ... I was ready to cover her with love, but she no longer needed it because someone else was giving it to her. I put it away. The next day again all day chats. At one point I said to myself that it was time to end so that we would not suffer more. I asked her if that was the end, and she replied with .. "I put the end, but you have to put it too" .. This put a new tree in the fireplace again and I went crazy .. I asked her for another meeting. I took her to the place where we started, namely on a beach where we both sat on the sand and we were ashamed to ask for a kiss, and we both wanted it. I thought this was where we could restart and start over. I didn't think the words that came out of me ... They came out of my heart, but she didn't take them anymore. And tonight was over and I took her to them. She asked me not to write to her anymore so that there would be no problems with her boyfriend. I agreed, I had no other choice. The next day, like everyone else, you try to pour your pain on your friends. So we were sitting with a friend in a cafe in the neighborhood and I explain everything to him as I am writing to you now. And at one point my friend was shocked and looked out the window at the coffee shop. I turned around and saw her with a friend of hers entering our cafe. It was a sign. I am from Varna, and Varna is not a small city and there are a lot of cafes! When I saw her, my stomach turned, who hadn't eaten anything for 3 days because of all this! I asked her "what is she doing here" and she was as surprised and shaken as I was. He replied "nothing" and pulled his girlfriend out. I caught up with them and asked them to come back, but they chose to be alone and went to a nearby cafe. Chat started again, but nothing changed! It was time to leave, but I came across her parked car and the idea came to me to leave something written from the heart under her wiper. I was just getting out of my car to put it on, but it was already behind me and the plans failed. Still, there were 5 minutes left for another conversation with the same nasty ending! This is my story up and down! I know she has something else for me, but I don't know how to unleash it! And I'm ready to do anything for her !! What to do !? but I don't know how to unleash it! And I'm ready to do anything for her !! What to do? !? but I don't know how to unleash it! And I'm ready to do anything for her !! What to do? !?