Hope? Unwanted Feeling Sometimes

Everyone says that one should not lose hope that it supports a person, that I do not know what else. But sometimes you have to lose it, don't you Has it happened to you? Don't you want something, to know that there is no way it will happen, but to have hope in spite of everything? The reason I am writing this story is the immortal hope in me. It will soon be a year since I knew a boy, albeit only virtually. I love him, but he is not aware of my feelings. It all started one day when I didn't know what to do out of boredom. He saw my skype account and decided to add me (the reasons, how, why I know them). We exchanged a few sentences and then I left. And so every day - we clarified who would enter at what time and then we chatted constantly. Our rest was only when we were at school, when we went to eat and when we slept. Everything was like in fairy tales. We both had a better time on holidays than spending time with acquaintances. At least I don't know about him, but he hardly lied to me about it. When we argued, he put things in order in a short sentence. We were happy. At least that's what I thought. So much for the way things were when we were 'together' One day I was coming back from school with a lot of excitement that I usually always had with him in mind. I arrived at our place, turned on the computer, signed in to Skype - it was online. I wrote to him and for half an hour I did not receive an answer. When I received it, he apologized to me, there was a reason for the problem and my mood improved. We exchanged a few strange sentences, after which he went out of line. I got annoyed and went out. The next day I came home from school with great excitement, signed up for Skype and saw that he had written to me late last night. I was happy and answered him about the problem yesterday and waited for him to write to me. But not. He didn't write to me. I apologized for going out yesterday - nothing again. I kept writing to him for weeks - what was his problem with me, did I offend him with something, did something change, what was the reason he didn't write to me and if he wanted to delete me once and for all and not have contact with him. Nothing in return. Nothing. Months passed, I was still waiting for an answer from him, I saw that he was online, once he changed his 'status', which showed that he had access to Skype, but did not respond to my messages. I gave up. I'm tired. I did not log in to Skype for a few weeks and when I decided to check and signed in - at that moment he wrote me a message: I'm back. I was excited, but I didn't answer him because I felt like nothing, and I was already showing off line. I just stood there and waited to see if he would write me something else - he didn't write. A few days later, I logged in online and replied to his message. But to my great disappointment, there was still no answer from him. With that, I 'came back' and my feelings for him came back, which I was trying to destroy. I started writing to him again, no answer. One day I woke up as a very purposeful person. I told myself that I would call him from Skype and I don't care that I could look like an even bigger nothingness. I went in and saw that he had deleted me. I thought that if I didn't sit, I would faint. I started crying and I couldn't stop. As he had erased me, so I had erased him. Days, weeks passed. I felt like I was starting to forget him, or at least I was used to the nasty feeling. At one time I don't know what caught me, but I wanted to go to Skype. That's what I did. I saw that he added me. I was very happy. Those happy moments we had together reappeared before my eyes. I accepted his request, but he was not online at the time. I told myself it didn't matter, it would always be online. I waited, I waited ... The month was not online. I'm sick. I added it from a friend's Skype and a few hours later we saw that someone else had sent her a power of attorney. I was 90 percent sure he was the boy I liked. But there was one problem - there was a girl on the avatar and Skype was on a boy. We thought he might be his girlfriend. I was disappointed once again. But I couldn't stop thinking about him. I kept fooling myself. I'm tired, again. I decided to change my life and for a while it was changed. I no longer thought of anyone else, I thought only of myself. But it happened again. It happened again to return the hope I had from the beginning. Whenever I try to forget him, I do something to forget him, it happens so that he comes back to my mind. I can't get rid of him and hope for him. I don't want it, I don't need it, but why does something always happen when I almost forget it that takes me back to the sea of ​​hopes and lies? Why can't I forget it? What else do I need to do to be aware of myself, of my feelings? Everything reminds me of him. The songs, the people, the movies, the words, the weather. It all leads to our conversations. I don't believe all this is accidental. When I go to sleep he is in my thoughts. I always make some 'movies' - how one day we will be together again, how we will meet live, how we will do everything we jokingly said we would do ... Some dates related to it coincide with important dates for me related to me. But it may just seem to me that ours is destiny. There is hardly anything like it. That's it. I don't know why I wrote the story. Maybe to make it easier for me or because I needed to share with someone. I do not know. That hope is still in me and even if it is very small, I still believe that we will meet him again. Which is 100 percent impossible. But I hope so. One sentence of mine does not match the other. Why can't I follow the logic? ... that we will meet him again. Which is 100 percent impossible. But I hope so. One sentence of mine does not match the other. Why can't I follow the logic? ... that we will meet him again. Which 100 percent can't happen. But I hope so. One sentence of mine does not match the other. Why can't I follow the logic? ...