Her Father Hates Me, Why Should I Be Nice?

   I have been through a similar relationship with my mother-in-law. I came to the conclusion "better happy than right". In a sense, I had vowed not to set foot, but seeing how much it hurt my husband, I overcame my pride and called his mother. I explained to her that we do not share anything and that we have a common cause for her son to be happy. From then on, I responded to all sorts of provocations (comparisons with exes and neighbors, strange comments) with "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in that," "I'm really over these things, let's change the subject," and a smile. I also used to tell her directly "I think you're trying to provoke me and I don't understand why?" People are very shocked by the directness and sincerity, let these be your weapons. Don't lower the level, don't let it enter your head, look at yourself and your girl.

   I understand how you feel because I had a similar situation with my ex, but if you want a serious future with your girlfriend you just have to swallow your ego and just have a good relationship with your father. No one told you to compliment him, but to put up with him when it was right, be it holidays or whatever. If you think of family, that's the way it should be. Nobody says to go to them in the evening, it will be intolerable even if you like yourself as if you do not have a home.

   I tell you not to force yourself to go to them or to like him or something like that. It is very clear to me how unpleasant it is and what discomfort this creates in you. The friend will now tacitly support him, because he is her father after all and is largely dependent on him emotionally and financially, perhaps. But when things get serious - cohabitation, family, children, etc. and especially when she is no longer so dependent, she will certainly squat, because she will be tired of investing energy to separate you, but to see that she has no control over things. This is what happened to us. My wife just stopped contacting her mother, just because it didn't make sense. She was just insulting her. I spoke to her only in protocol. At one point, my mother realized that she would not separate us, and if she wanted to see me as before, she had to lower her guard. And so it happened. Then he recognized her in her true light and realized that my wife was not a bad person. Now to see how his daughter-in-law hates. Another issue is that my wife still doesn't like her, but at least she doesn't show it out of politeness. But everything started to get better only when we got married and had a child. Only then did my mother realize that she had no choice but to lower her guard.

   You don't have to be nice - you do the right thing by stopping going to them. If you come back after his ugly behavior and without an apology from him, he will be interpreted as weak-willed, a kind of "you spit on him, he thinks it's raining." you're wasting your time following him or commenting on nonsense, he's obviously trying to provoke you. Your girlfriend has no right to make you put yourself in a similar situation again. It's ugly that she didn't protect you in the dispute itself, but she's obviously addicted and influenced by her father and used to be commanded.He can't be such a horse with caps to see how they humiliate and pretend that nothing happened, women are sensitive to such things.She must just feel between the hammer and the anvil and wants everyone to be happy, which cannot happen - directly and ask for an explanation why she did not intervene and does not see that her father is trying to set her up and tell her that you will no longer put yourself in such a situation and let him humiliate you, and for her to decide whether she wants to be with you in this situation or not. Either way, you don't need a partner who doesn't stand behind you and whom you can't count on. The way out is really, as soon as possible you can move out together to a big city - you could finish your master's degree there, after you start working and stabilize financially. Start directly with CVs - for employers at this stage it does not matter whether you have a bachelor's or master's degree. and for her to decide whether she wants to be with you in this situation or not. Either way, you don't need a partner who doesn't stand behind you and whom you can't count on. The way out is really, as soon as possible you can move out together to a big city - you could finish your master's degree there, after you start working and stabilize financially. Start directly with CVs - for employers at this stage it does not matter whether you have a bachelor's or master's degree. and for her to decide whether she wants to be with you in this situation or not. Either way, you don't need a partner who doesn't stand behind you and whom you can't count on. The way out is really, as soon as possible you can move out together to a big city - you could finish your master's degree there, after you start working and stabilize financially. Start directly with CVs - for employers at this stage it does not matter whether you have a bachelor's or master's degree.

   Author, so I'm a woman and I want to tell you that the generation of these current to about 50-year-old men are really disgusting, impudent, disgusting, fat intriguers who are trying to intrude and control the lives of younger people. Keep calm and don't get involved in his intrigues. Don't watch him do it on the internet! Listen to him and nod, as if you agree with him as he sings his nonsense, and know your own. Tell your girlfriend in plain text, but delicately, that there is tension between you and her father, for which you do not have the emotional energy to clear at this stage. Therefore, do not see each other in them. Find a job as soon as possible and leave. And don't worry about living. Living together does not have to mean that you will no longer go out and have fun, travel, etc.

   As a man of 50 and a father to a daughter, I will give a different opinion than most here. First, from what I read as a self-description, I do not see anything that would impress me in you. You mice, you are not ready for life, you are not on your feet - why should he respect you? There are men's codes, and you've broken them all at once, if only by the fact that you're writing here. Men do not cry on the forums. You define the person with all sorts of epithets, and at the same time you go with his daughter, without realizing that very soon, especially if you start a family, you will need their support. You are still without a profession, from a small town, obviously without income, but you evaluate a person who probably worked and raised children all his life, and at a time when it was hellishly difficult - because I remember what it was before 28-30 years - and there was no bread in the shops. I worked in three places, to support my family then. Respect is won, it is not given for free, and with your behavior, instead of building bridges, you have destroyed the previous ones. It's simple - they are parents, people with a special status in life and forever, as well as yours for you. Her father may not be right, but in the name of your friendship with this girl, you should have found a diplomatic approach to your conversations as men. Yes, he may not approve of you, as any father thinks his daughter deserves more, but I'm sure that if you had the mental strength to find the right approach rather than behaving like a teenager, you would have taken a step toward him, and he to you. people with a special status in life and forever, as well as yours for you. Her father may not be right, but in the name of your friendship with this girl, you should have found a diplomatic approach to your conversations as men. Yes, he may not approve of you, as any father thinks his daughter deserves more, but I'm sure that if you had the mental strength to find the right approach rather than behaving like a teenager, you would have taken a step toward him, and he to you. people with a special status in life and forever, as well as yours for you. Her father may not be right, but in the name of your friendship with this girl, you should have found a diplomatic approach to your conversations as men. Yes, he may not approve of you, as any father thinks his daughter deserves more, but I'm sure that if you had the mental strength to find the right approach rather than behaving like a teenager, you would have taken a step toward him, and he to you.

   Author, it's better to break up with the girl. For a marriage to be stable and happy, there must be understanding and respect with the parents as well. No matter how happy you are with your girlfriend, you will still be harassed by the irritant - her father. Neither you are obliged to like him, nor he you. But you can't avoid contact, especially if you have children with your girlfriend. Not to mention that this person may one day turn your children against you. And this will always burden you emotionally and at some point it may make you sick. It is better to create a relationship with a woman whose family will treat you with respect and support your relationship, instead of ruining it. Your friend doesn't have such a problem because your parents treat her well and that's why she can't understand you. Save yourself, because people like her father don't change.

   Don't listen to mollusks 1 and 2, don't make a difference between ego and normal human relationships, poor thing ... You're a man and you have to have balls. You're not an 18-year-old who doesn't know where he is up and down. Stupid on the part of your girlfriend that she did not protect you, but if there was 25 years of patriarchy in them and the father crushed it is normal. Even more so if he wears the bundles - his control is serious. It is best to explain, as they advised, to your girlfriend how you feel and what you think about it and that's it. There is no point in going to this complex and raising your blood pressure, from there the tension and anger will be transferred to your relationship. Move, find a job, become independent and you can send him Christmas cards with a wish to go to take pictures.

   I just want to wish you success .... I hope things work out for you .. It didn't work out for me. The difference is that the mother of my ex has separated. I really wish you success, I hope you don't get to where I got to ..

   6, the fact that the boy has no profession because he is still young, does not mean that he should be humiliated. I take my hat off to you for raising children in difficult times, but that doesn't mean you have to act like an asshole with the young and own them. I have a daughter too, but I'm 33, but even if I don't like my future son-in-law, I certainly won't behave like that, it's just not the way. There are norms of behavior though. You are talking about some fictional male code, but you have no elementary idea of ​​a normal, not male, but purely human attitude. How do you expect a person to treat you when you have no elementary attitude. If someone insults and curses you, will you be nice to him? So you make the boy super bad, he wasn't nice, and the fact that the father acted like an ass before, you almost justify it. So the requirement of human behavior applies to everyone.

   Just don't date theirs, they obviously don't like you for a son-in-law.

   Number 8, as long as with this patriarchy, crushing is now far more common.

   To number 10 What a "boy" of 24 years, wake up, people! The state and society consider them to be a mature man at 18. If a young man is fit to carry a weapon, to be responsible for his own life, and to start a family, what kind of boy is that? Or should a chick say "I'm a girl of 26"? It is not a shame that there is no profession, although what I have read is that they study part-time, that is, they have not given up studying, and they have their own time and work. I am surrounded by young people who work and study part-time. But it is obviously convenient to define yourself as a person for whom the obligations are not yet valid. I don't justify my father's behavior, he's really overreacting and doesn't honor him, but the truth always has two sides, what the "boy" took for granted may have been just challenging questions about their future as a couple and how he sees his role in it that any concerned parent would ask. There are people who burn very easily. I imagine my reaction if my daughter's boyfriend tells me to get along as men ... The funny thing is that many of the people who are now expressing extreme opinions, in a short time that will pass quickly, will have the same cases in front of them. your with their children. And as every young man says to himself - I will do things differently, life leads you to the same issues and decisions you rebelled against ... As for the "fictional" male code, I do not know where you grew up and in what environment, in mine was known to be respected by adults, especially the partner's parents, even when you know that the gap between the generations is great - my father-in-law has challenged me more than once, but I have always been aware that from the war between us in the middle will remain a man who can not take sides - his daughter. The other is that if you have problems, you solve them, not wave them in public. Moreover, usually the war is not with the father-in-law, but with the mother-in-law :) :)