He Who Seeks A Friend Without Flaws Is Left Alone

When I first breathed air, when I cried and saw the world, when I was so defenseless, in those first moments someone was holding me, someone was helping me, someone was loving me. Then I started learning to live. To move, to eat, to talk, to love. Someone's hand was always holding me, and when I fell, unable to hold on to my feet, when I couldn't, then I heard a gentle voice that lifted me up again and gave me strength, strength to keep going. Over time, I have come to believe that support is something the world has to give me, and that is a given. I always knew that when I fell, I would not be left on the ground. In time, I realized that nothing is a given and that every support, love and tenderness should be deserved. I realized that I have to give in order to receive. I realized that I was not alone in the world and that someone else needed my help. I saw that the world is made up of individuals who have the right to personal freedom and their own air just as much as I do, who follow the emphasis in difficult moments who deserve a smile, a word of encouragement, or a rebuke from a loving friend. I learned the word friendship, I started looking for someone to give to and from whom to receive. But he didn't have what he needed. He wasn't like me. He was making mistakes. I hated him for it. I blamed him. I hurt him. I lost him. And I thought I understood the word friendship so well ...

Over time, I created my own requirements, according to which I was looking for a friend. I learned to expect everything to be perfect, and in case it wasn't, to intervene. To try to change a person who has his own ideals, dreams, fears, talents and shortcomings. With that word - flaw, I started to call every trait I don't like. I didn't think that every little bit of the picture that makes up my friend's personality is so important that without it, everything will fall apart. I began to think only about this - what I disapprove of, what is different from my value system. It's as if I forgot that I'm not a sculptor so I can model the perfect figure for me. To remove and add various details, to seek perfection. And what is perfect - isn't every person perfect as he is? Would life have meaning if everyone was the same? What would I learn, based on what would I build myself, to determine what is important to me, what is wrong, what is beautiful, what is my direction in life? Aren't the others, different and unique, the foundation I need? Will a friend who is no different from me give me something will he teach me something? If I try to destroy his shortcomings, even if he allows me, even if he agrees, even then, won't I be alone? Gradually there were ebbs and flows in my life, new truths flooded me, they became an unchangeable part of me, but soon they left. Others stayed because they were not a momentary feeling, but a long-standing idea of ​​the world. The world-famous psychotherapist Jorge Bucay formulates one of the most important truths for me simply, in a few words. "You are who you are."

They do not evoke strong feelings, they sound easy, even funny, because no one expects one of the most significant truths of life to be so colorless, devoid of brilliance and twisted sentences. It seems so easy to live according to her. I suddenly wondered if I was letting the people around me be who they were and if I supported them, whether I seek their true nature or simply repel them. I thought about so much pain, experienced and caused, by not understanding these words. I remembered your shortcomings, how we quarreled yesterday. You didn't support me, you refused to agree with me, you weren't what I expected. You seemed to be my enemy. You were black in my eyes. And I never thought you were who you were. I didn't think that meant a lot of things that I didn't comply with. I forgot that you are not the one I need you to be. You don't always give me the answers you want, you don't always smile when I want to, you don't always say I'm right, you don't always flatter my ego. You are not the one who will repeat to me again and again how wonderful I am. Sometimes this seems like a drawback, but isn't that one of the reasons why are you a true friend? Is not the rudeness of the truth better than the false softness of the lie? Did you not protect me with your sober assessment, did you not bring me down to the ground, did you not then give me wings to fly?

You are not always the one who will do as I wish, but I know that there is always love in your actions. I learn over time. You change, you make mistakes, you hurt me, but that's the best part. I don't want to change this or anything else in you because I need you. I don't want to lose you, I don't want to be alone. You are who you are, which includes every bad trait, every flaw. I don't want you to be perfect, but to be a person like me who won't leave me. I'm not angry, I'm not hurt, because there is something strong in us, only between us, that conquers everything. Because I promise you that it will not disappear and the pain will make it stronger.