He Realized That He Couldn't Do Without Me, Only When He Realized That I Had Another ...

Hello, I will soon be 23 years old. I had a three-year relationship with a boy (25, if that matters). In the beginning, everything was a fairy tale, like any beginning. Until then, I had not loved, I had not been lied to, I had not had a serious relationship, perhaps precisely because I had not been scalded, I approached this man with complete confidence. We fell in love from the very beginning ... he said he loved me, he wanted us to be together all the time ... he insisted on living together for the second month. I trust him that he really loved me, but ... Over time, I started to discover things ... at first by accident, then I deliberately dug ... I'm not proud of it, nor did I want to do it, but I was just dying to find out if he was making a fool of me ... Chats, phone calls .. when I asked him he said that they were his friends, that it was like that .. that I imagined .. yes, now as I write it, I realize what a stupid child I was ... over time I stopped being so naive, that's why he started erasing everything .. setting passwords .. making me super jealous. It was his main trump card to get out of arguments, accusing me of being jealous and rummaging through his privacy. Everything was seemingly calm, at least for him, I cried all night, I thought, I wondered if he was lying to me, if he was cheating on me ... I had become like a detective, I was discovering things he didn't even think I could find. Most of the time, I found only a trace of him writing or communicating with a girl, but I didn't find the conversations themselves because he was rubbing them and all I had to do was guess, and that was killing me. This went on for too long. I'm not saying he didn't love me and didn't take care of me, on the contrary, but one cannot compensate for the other. I even hated going out to discos and similar places, because he was just looking for someone to look at, which is quite humiliating for me ... In principle, I did not want to mention and interfere with the topic of appearance, but I think more or less and it matters .. I am an attractive girl, I would dare to say - beautiful and sexy. I've always been overwhelmed by male attention, but I never allowed myself even a naive flirtation while I was with this boy. As much as he ignored me, I was loyal to him like a puppy. At the same time, the girls he had shown interest in one way or another were quite ordinary girls, some even ugly. I can't just explain it to myself ... I never refused him anything, I always took care of him, he was always in the first place, there was nothing in sex that we didn't do or didn't like to do ... so I don't have an explanation for all these girls ... I'll stop the topic of girls here, because if I have to tell in detail it will take a lot time. Even his friends went so far as to advise me to separate, because they saw that this man was humiliating and exposing me. My friends just wondered why I put up with it. They even annoyed me ... They tried to explain to me that it is not normal for a smart, beautiful and decent girl to tolerate this thing. We broke up ... and from there everything became even more painful for me, because we kept seeing each other, but I couldn't take care of other girls anymore ... quite a bad period in general, in the end he got to the point where he limited me. from his life to bully and kill me for no reason, to let him find and "live" ... One day I just told myself that I was moving forward, no matter how hard it was for me. It was the beginning of summer, I am a student and this summer I worked as a waitress. In general, I had no desires for other boys, I did not pay attention to anyone. One day a boy appeared who I really liked .. I just looked at him for a moment .. the next day he had found me on Facebook, it turned out that he had liked me for years. We went out once ... Then my ex-boyfriend reappeared. He just called me, as if nothing had happened, as if he had never thrown me out of his life ... he wanted to hear me ... After my second meeting with this boy, my ex was like crazy, he started following me, yes he watches who drives me to work, when I come home, he waits for me in front of us, he asks me to get together, he promises me that he will change, he says I am unique, that he doesn't want anyone else, that he only needed me. I had already started a relationship with another boy. This complicated everything. I was furious that he was doing all this only when I decided to move on. I had only dreamed of hearing these words from him to promise me that he would change and to pray to me, to admit that he behaved horribly ... I really only dreamed, but I could not make fun of the other boy .. I'm not like that. To leave a wonderful boy for someone who makes a fool of me and eventually throws me out of his life. He was used to doing what he wanted, and when it occurred to him I would return to him immediately. I'm not like that, I couldn't hurt the other boy, he's wonderful, handsome, good, faithful ... I chose the mind ... before the heart. But I'm very sad. I love him very much, I miss him, but I couldn't know what would be better for me, so I chose to give the boy a chance, which he deserved, so it seemed more correct .. I chose the mind, before the heart. I know that I can not completely recreate the situation, nor can you tell me what was better, nor is there a step back, but I just needed to share :)