Hi, I'm a girl in 12th grade. In short, I want to share something that has been bothering me for some time. It's about a "girlfriend." The girl in question and I have been in the same position since the eighth grade, and there was also a period when we were close and went out together after school. We have different views on some things and over the years she has tried to impose her opinion on me and define it as the most correct. In general, she is not a bad person, she is not mean, she is intelligent, but the fact that she constantly imposes her opinion on me has irritated me too much lately. Also, she has never clearly stated in my eyes what exactly irritates her and she doesn't like me, and she has been constantly hinting at things for years, not in plain text, but for me to remember. I have experienced many difficult moments, I also have social anxiety, which bothers me a lot. When I shared with her, she always told me, just try to overcome it, etc., but then she started to hint that I did it for attention and how can I not overcome a depression and anxiety !? But this year it happened that she fell into such a state and expected support from me. Of course I listened to her, but if I were her she would listen to me with contempt. The other thing is that recently I have a boyfriend and we have sex. This is something new for me and I want to share with her about it, but of course she still hints that I do it for attention, and that in fact our relationship is fake, because we have drool a lot and just pretend to love each other. Just to add that until now she has never had a boyfriend and has not even kissed, otherwise she pretends to be very competent about relationships. Just never over the years, in which we were friends I did not fully show myself to her because I know she will criticize me. Understand me, I'm not a person looking for attention, on the contrary, I don't want people to notice me, because I'm sensitive to criticism and I'm always on the sidelines, somewhere in the corner, and she who is my friend can't see it and understand that I am looking only for simple understanding and acceptance, not to pretend to be interesting. She is the one who pretends to be interesting, starts scandals in front of the whole class to get her attention, says things she doesn't really do again in order to get her attention. I smoke and it also irritates her a lot, she still hinted that I smoke to make myself interesting. And here's the exact opposite, I missed a year before she found out because I was afraid of what she would say about me. I'm tired of the same thing for five years, I do not receive support from her, only inappropriate criticism. I'm tired of doing or mostly not doing and not saying what I want to be comfortable. Please give me some advice on how to proceed? I think I'll talk to her about it soon, because she criticizes who I am, and the fact that she doesn't like certain things in me is her personal problem. What do you think?
1 daniel_wells answered
I am in almost the same situation. From this year (I'm in 10th grade) I'm standing next to my girlfriend. She is literally my opposite. He criticizes my every decision, even my every opinion. We fight 10,000 times a day in a cruel way. We take offense, we shout for an hour or so. Every day we argue about everything. There have been dozens of cases in which we get stuck for two or three days and then write to each other. But the difference is that despite all the difficulties and stupid scandals, we still get along. It's as if we're meant to be friends. I know what it's like for someone to want to change just to be good. But I will give you some advice. You were not born to please people. You only have one life. Don't change to make someone else happy. If she is a true friend, she will like you the way you are and appreciate you. But, if she insults you and treats you as if you are an object and you have no feelings, she is no friend to you. On the contrary, then it is even your enemy (strongly said, but it is so). Just relax and don't worry unnecessarily. After 1 or 2 years you may not see her at all. (for example, if she's in one city and you're in another.) Don't be afraid of her, she's not your boss. You say you're tired ... Act, do something about it. Don't let her control you. I'm in 10th grade and I also have a lot of problems. But I behave somehow. I will not change to please people. True, I have a lot of negative traits, but I'm still human .. So just relax ... After 1 or 2 years you may not see her at all. (for example, if she's in one city and you're in another.) Don't be afraid of her, she's not your boss. You say you're tired ... Act, do something about it. Don't let her control you. I'm in 10th grade and I also have a lot of problems. But I behave somehow. I will not change to please people. True, I have a lot of negative traits, but I'm still human .. So just relax ... After 1 or 2 years you may not see her at all. (for example, if she's in one city and you're in another.) Don't be afraid of her, she's not your boss. You say you're tired ... Act, do something about it. Don't let her control you. I'm in 10th grade and I also have a lot of problems. But I behave somehow. I will not change to please people. True, I have a lot of negative traits, but I'm still human .. So just relax ...