Gay Or Not, Married Or Not

Hello, I wanted to ask you if something like this has happened to you. The story is as follows. In general, I'm not very contactable and I don't have MANY FRIENDS and I also had a hard time communicating with girls. I was a virgin until I was 18 when I fucked a friend of his sister. I did very badly, I couldn't lift it and I had a lot of desire. She played with him for a long time, but I finally managed to do something. The same thing happened at university, I lived in a dormitory and I can say that there were a lot of girls who liked me. But even with most of them I had a problem, just because everything was known where I was and I always worried that I would expose myself and everyone would laugh at me and that's why and most of the time it was so special with those who rights for the first time. In addition, I had a slight sexual problem that was removed with one operation - circumcision because it could not be enough for me and I always fell for it. One day after the last failure, I began to imagine that I had something, I began to doubt whether I was gay, why it happens. It happened at the same time that I had an argument with a friend over a girl and from there he set everyone else against me, and because of the fact that we all gathered in his room, I had to sit completely alone, which I think that totally bothered me.

There was no one to go out with, I sat alone for 2 weeks in an unknown city. I began to think that I was a scumbag, that I was a complete jerk and that I was good for nothing. The last time I couldn't make it to bed and I began to doubt I was gay, was at the end of the 2nd week of the period I spent alone. After the girl left, I started thinking about it. An inner voice kept telling me you were gay, that's why it works. This is basically my biggest fear and I always thought it sucked so badly that if I really did I would commit suicide and so on. And so day after day this thing intensified, only when I slept everything was ok, but as soon as I woke up again this inner voice began - you are gay you are gay. I began to fear more and more of this. Little by little stupid things began to impress me. My fear was growing. I was afraid to see a boy in boxer shorts when two boys were sitting next to each other, I was afraid of looking down on him or doing something gay. At one point, nothing else interested me, nothing pleased me, I was constantly afraid, I got used to this fear and it even seemed abnormal to me not to have it. When I went out or with friends I think that they are the big deal and I am not good for anything, I had the feeling that no one respects me, I constantly thought that all men are more masculine than me. That I cost nothing and so on.

I had the feeling that I was kind of humiliating myself so that someone could always be friends with me, I agreed with their opinions and tried to support them. I had the feeling that I was blowing them to be with me, which is very dumb. I keep asking myself why these guys are fucking and have such confidence and how they can be so arrogant and confident. I just didn't want to be alone. Maybe that's why I don't know everything. I just remembered that I became even more modest in my dealings with girls. Then I went abroad and there again the same job I was alone again and again I felt this complete loneliness. I had a few colleagues and friends, but again I was not the center of attention, I had the feeling that I was constantly intruding on them and it was like that, I always had to look for them and I always underestimated myself and thought that I was ugly and very ugly and fat and big gasmen and big work I didn't have any self-confidence, they were joking with me, I didn't defend myself in any way, because I thought they were right and so on. I thought they were very cool and why I'm not like that myself and why they don't respect me ... I thought I was blowing the lowest thing on earth myself. During my stay abroad I slept with 2 girls, with the 2nd several times, I was not amazing but I think I relaxed in some way and got up.

Then I came back from abroad and stayed home alone again and unemployed for another year. All this remained, the fear bothered me constantly. This year passed and I got a job, I was sent to study in a neighboring town. I spent 5 days with 2 poops and it was super constantly I hung them up again and they tied me and I felt like a strong gasman. Then I rushed to my city and started working. I worked all day with only one girl, all the neighboring offices were only with women and I felt great, I started to relax and hang out with everyone. Luckily for me, my colleague was quite curled up and offered herself to me, I cracked her a few times and so I felt very good, the work was good, there were always a lot of people around me and the work itself ignited my time, there was something to do 10 hours a day.

Gradually the women I fucked grew bigger and bigger, at one time I even fucked three girlfriends. And so that fear gradually disappeared, I was the man in the office and I handled everything, my self-esteem erupted, I started working and something private, I had money, nice women, self-confidence, the people I knew and in some way were dependent on me and my services increased and so on, I had a goal and I had the feeling that I could handle everything and in the interest of the truth it was so.

Suddenly I met a girl who was from the neighboring village and so, she was nice to me but nothing more initially. She wasn't the greatest beauty in the world, not that I was, but there was something very nice about her — namely, that she was very good and very serious. At the time we met, she had a friend who was harassing her. Anyway, I started calling her and she seemed to like me a lot, and I was pretty good to her compared to her previous one who only harassed and used her. To be honest, I think I only felt sorry for her, but I cared a lot and I still care about her. So after I had a lot of threats and nonsense, we finally started to take it more seriously. The sex between us was amazing, I loved doing it - it was a fucking marathon every day without a pass. It was very nice. But at one point I started to like being with her and at one point I had terrible sex with her and still kept looking around. I started looking around and every woman looked scary to me and I wanted to fuck her.

My self-esteem was uplifted and I thought I was a terrible man and I could have any. But somehow I couldn't afford it - I always said to myself she's very good, you're the luckiest with her, she's so serious, she doesn't deserve to be crushed and to top it all off, she was terribly jealous, she had found out about her colleagues and she was constantly making scandals of me that I was hanging out anyway. Constant ringing, constantly calling me I LOVE YOU and expecting and I feel the same, and I do not - but I said it and constantly felt sick of it. Maybe that's why he never allowed himself to baptize her, and the sex between us was great. Her constant good attitude and love for me made me behave well with her, I fulfilled all her whims, as I trampled on my desires. At one point I went to them and met theirs. They treated me very well, but I still didn't want him, I still thought we were cheating and that she wasn't the girl for me. At one wonderful moment, I moved to her village and we became colleagues, I worked together every day and in the evening I slept with them.

Gradually I began to feel like I had become a complete putty, I was afraid to look or conspire another girl, I began to side with all women, even if I liked what I said no. I had the feeling that I was on a leash, she was constantly talking about marriage, children, etc. and I thought that I was just obliged to do it myself - to marry her, I was just obliged, I began to be afraid of everything and everyone. I was constantly not doing well. All my fears appeared, including my problem with gay fear. As a cover, I didn't know anyone in your village and the only person I was with was her. Time passed and we broke up, but she kept calling me. I thought that when I came home from my city and got a new boyfriend and a new job, things would get better, but alas, it didn't work out. I got over it but I still can't catch any, and I really want it. Instead, the story was repeated again, alone again without any friends, closed in on himself and I think he is nothing.

Loneliness broke me again. I went to a babysitter to tell me what to do next - how far I just got. This girl changed me so much, so brainwashed me. The babysitter told me that the 6 of them had gone a long way, and I was so sad that I wasn't with her. 5 minutes I'm thinking of marrying her and I'm scared and 5 minutes my gay fear bothers me / I just don't like the person she turned me into /. I am afraid of everything, I am afraid to move forward, I do not want to lose her because I am afraid of not being alone, nor do I want to be with her and the person she turns me into. If anyone has had this happen to him, let him write.

I don't know what's wrong with me but I'm just freaking out. that's how it brainwashed me. The babysitter told me that the 6 of them had gone a long way, and I was so sad that I wasn't with her. 5 minutes I'm thinking of marrying her and I'm scared and 5 minutes my gay fear bothers me / I just don't like the person she turned me into /. I am afraid of everything, I am afraid to move forward, I do not want to lose her because I am afraid of not being alone, nor do I want to be with her and the person she turns me into. If anyone has had this happen to him, let him write. I don't know what's wrong with me but I'm just freaking out. that's how it brainwashed me. The babysitter told me that the 6 of them had gone a long way, and I was so sad that I wasn't with her. 5 minutes I'm thinking of marrying her and I'm scared and 5 minutes my gay fear bothers me / I just don't like the person she turned me into /.

I am afraid of everything, I am afraid to move forward, I do not want to lose her because I am afraid of not being alone, nor do I want to be with her and the person she turns me into. If anyone has had this happen to him, let him write. I don't know what's wrong with me but I'm just freaking out. nor do I want to be with her and the man she turns me into. If anyone has had this happen to him, let him write. I don't know what's wrong with me but I'm just freaking out. nor do I want to be with her and the man she turns me into. If anyone has had this happen to him, let him write. I don't know what's wrong with me but I'm just freaking out.