It's evening. The stars are illuminating the deserted roads again. The lights, flashing every millisecond, illuminate small parts of the aisles. A misty silhouette can be seen on the road. Approaching me, he takes off his dark glasses and gives me an ominous look. I shudder at the energy his eyes give me - variegated blue, as if they were other stars in the sky. Without feeling scared, I go with him. It was obvious that her soul had suffered, his aura had connected with mine. I asked him, "Where are we going?" - There is a beginning, only what has an end. he said. His words were as secret as his appearance. His black coat covered his slender, tall figure. There was something in him. I wanted to find out, so I didn't press him to answer me. Finally we sat on a log by a lake. The atmosphere made the situation even more intriguing. It was a full moon and the lake was quiet and peaceful. - Have you ever wondered how one moment you have something and the next you lose it? I gave him a strange look and answered. -To have something and keep it you have to make an effort. - What if you make an effort and it leaves again? "I can't answer you." Then, this thing was worth it. "Do you know the pain of loneliness?" "She's my reflection." I'm not just close to her. "It doesn't have to be that way." said the man. Do you know happiness? - No. I've been looking for it all my life, but I'm not meant to be happy. I want to give you advice, young lady. The problem is in the search itself. If you stop looking for it, you will find it. I've wasted my life looking, and what have I found? I went out as usual at midnight and I had never met a living soul on the road I walk every night and the lake to which I meet every sunrise. Today, that day was different because I met you. At that moment, in an inexplicable thirst for closeness and comfort, I kissed him. It was as if time had stopped. It was as if the wind that was blowing on the leaves of the trees had disappeared. He kissed me back. I felt we knew each other because our souls were dancing and getting excited. Me, a young girl, and he's a man now, but it's like we've met before. It's as if we loved each other passionately in another life. He parted his lips from mine. He smiled at me. He knew how I felt, because he felt it too. He got up from the log and walked in the direction from which he had come. And I stayed there in front of the lake waiting for the sunrise. for our souls had danced and excited. Me, a young girl, and he's a man now, but it's like we've met before. It's as if we loved each other passionately in another life. He parted his lips from mine. He smiled at me. He knew how I felt, because he felt it too. He got up from the log and walked in the direction from which he had come. And I stayed there in front of the lake waiting for the sunrise. for our souls had danced and excited. Me, a young girl, and he's a man now, but it's like we've met before. It's as if we loved each other passionately in another life. He parted his lips from mine. He smiled at me. He knew how I felt, because he felt it too. He got up from the log and walked in the direction from which he had come. And I stayed there in front of the lake waiting for the sunrise.
1 nicolasarrieta answered
Write more, train your ability to use the right words in the right place. You are an amateur writer and you can see a lot. I'll guess you haven't written in years, or at least you haven't done it often enough. There were some very good phrases in your work, but there were also some that were out of place or misused. You follow a certain story line, you rely more on the story than on the descriptions of intangible things, such as feelings. You had to dig deeper into the feelings of the main character and hint at more things about the man. Your descriptions are short, which is not bad at all, but at times they sound almost cut out. At first, when I started reading, I was impressed, and then suddenly the picture disappeared from my mind. As we talk about the foggy silhouette, suddenly he (the silhouette?) Takes off his glasses and takes a bad look. There had to be at least one more sentence to make it clear that we were talking about a stranger. The description of the man could have been before the glasses were taken off, so that we could get to know the character a bit before we read about his actions. By the way, quite late I realized that the man is simply unknown to the heroine. There is something to work on, but I see potential.