For Guests At Home

   He is not obliged to inform you, nor are you obliged to observe any relations. When you see him, greet him, ask how you are. Say you'll be happy to see each other and have a coffee, and that's it.

   "It seems to me that it is right for him to first find time to present that he has come." - I think this is right. If someone wants to see someone, he goes and introduces himself. Gurbeds are often considered to be more successful, they stick their noses in and are considered the big deal. I have a similar case, I have acquaintances who work abroad, and when they come to Bulgaria they expect all relatives to visit them, as if the queen has come !? I would not be humiliated to this position, who wants to see me, I have a home, let him come to visit me, I will welcome him and we will treat ourselves, but to go and pretend to be a jester, it will never happen.

   Man, I'm just going to tell you that teenagers have much more serious problems than you, but REALLY much more serious.

   I don't understand what the drama is, other than "do you respect me", which is pointless, since you both know it's not. And why hatred? Can't you just maintain a normal hello-hello relationship, the weather is nice today and that's it? It is not clear to me what victims of self-confidence you are writing about.

   Thanks to everyone who responded! The man in question is my sister. Lately, she is unhappy that I stopped doing her any favors. I've done a lot for her over the years. She is practically nothing to me. I just never touched her. The only case was a request for assistance in buying a car. And I did it because she herself boasted that she had acquaintances in the industry. He did not refuse me categorically. Worse. It turned out to be something like an unspoken deal to complete a repair. I did, and she threw me a small sum. I didn't argue at all, but I decided for myself that this would be the last thing I did for her. She pretended to be distracted and kept asking me to do this and that. Therefore, we do not maintain any correspondence. Well, she politely tries to wish me a Merry Christmas, a New Year, a birthday, which I do not accept. So when he comes, he hides carelessly and makes me guilty that we don't see. So I said to ask for side, unbiased opinions.

   There is nothing right and right, there are claims on both sides. If you can't stand each other, avoid each other and that's it. We all have unpleasant neighbors, "good afternoon" and that's it. It's very important that you are relatives.

   That's exactly what I'm trying to do, but on the other hand it doesn't suit them and they talk nonsense about me. Well, we are Bulgarians and not abroad, to work on the moon, we will always find someone else to blame for our own cowardice.

   Don't worry, even if you stayed in Bulgaria, it would still be the same. I speak from the position of a person who has been abroad and vice versa, others come from abroad. And how was it, I run to see everyone, I bring small gifts, and they are dissatisfied. On the contrary, someone from abroad comes, does not call, well, not bad. It is not at all who is where. It is difficult to work on human relationships in these difficult times. Don't think about it, try to be busy and that's it.

   The problem is not abroad, but that your parents have gaps in your upbringing. You are both selfish. This is your sister, man! Good, bad, that's it. Respond to the bad with good. And you know that saying that the smarter one gives way. Fix your relationship, you are great people.

   Neither your sister is obliged to ring the bell that she has come, nor are you obliged to go to introduce yourself to her, to say welcome to her, etc., especially since she has neither warned you nor called you. You distanced yourself well after feeling that they were using you. In my opinion, however, it is not bad to keep a formally good relationship - to hear from time to time for a short time, to celebrate holidays and so on. There is no need to lurk unnecessarily, avoid, etc. - you react politely when you meet her and so on, without committing to her things or bothering her with yours. There does not have to be tension or stress. Light, well-intentioned, with a sense of humor and that's it - you have nothing to strain.

   Author, I think you are quite wrong. First, you are the one who "I don't want our relationship to end in hatred." Secondly, when she paid you for the repairs, you were silent and did not tell her that you were not satisfied with the amount, the woman did not know why you were angry with her, she thought that she had given you enough money for the repairs and wondered what was happening. Well, she couldn't arrange things with the car, but it happens that a person fails even though he promised, he knew people in the industry well, but do they agree to do a favor, do they care about the brand of car you are looking for, can they to find a car at the price you are looking for and last but not least she knows them but they don't owe her anything. In my opinion, you have left the unspoken words standing between you like a wall. If he had asked her why things hadn't happened with the car, if he had told her you weren't happy with the amount you paid, things would be different. And yet your topic is called "visiting at home", if someone really goes to visit, the hosts should, at least for a while, go through the living room while he is there and greet him, it is not normal to sit in their rooms / floors / and wait for the guest to go through all the rooms / floors to say "I came". Not to mention being angry with the guest for not going through the rooms / floors. You need to know this from a general culture. One day if your wife has guests in your living room and you have a computer job in your office, you should go greet her guests, apologize for having a job, and go do it for yourself. it is not normal to sit in the rooms / floors / and wait for the guest to go through all the rooms / floors to say "I came". Not to mention being angry with the guest for not going through the rooms / floors. You need to know this from a general culture. One day if your wife has guests in your living room and you have a computer job in your office, you should go greet her guests, apologize for having a job, and go do it for yourself. it is not normal to sit in the rooms / floors / and wait for the guest to go through all the rooms / floors to say "I came". Not to mention being angry with the guest for not going through the rooms / floors. You need to know this from a general culture. One day if your wife has guests in your living room and you have a computer job in your office, you should go greet her guests, apologize for having a job, and go do it for yourself.

   Thank you anyway, but you didn't need to analyze us. It was no coincidence that I had not initially clarified the relationship. I was afraid you would crash right there. Things are much more complicated and I do not want to bother you with more details. I'm not sure that even if I write a detailed CV, you will understand me objectively. My main question was - do you know of any ethical norms for such cases? How do you act (either as "guests at home" or as "hosts")? @ 11, there is some difference between a woman's guests coming to my own home, and my sister coming to her own home. In the second case, I still have to go to someone else's home. Is it right to let you know beforehand? How, if I don't know there's someone there, and I don't have his phone? She doesn't stay at home much in principle and has to watch when she comes ... Until she talks - she definitely avoids it. I have the feeling that I have no desire to share anything from my existence abroad. I respect her wish. At least I'm not curious. But I personally do not accept the courteous, short greeting for the holidays. As well as feeling forever unilaterally obliged to do her any favors just because she's my sister.

   Author, since you want to keep your relationship, you have to go to her floor to greet her "welcome". You do not need to notify, keep a date and time, you will not visit and expect a welcome with dinner after all, you will only make a greeting. Notification is made only if you expect the "landlady" to spend more time for you, to set a table to meet you. That's why she didn't inform you that she was coming, she didn't expect you to make her a table to meet and gather with the whole family. When a person comes from abroad and announces a date in advance, he should be greeted with a special dinner, he in turn must bring a gift for each of the family, etc. If he does not want a special welcome, he just calls his mother or if the parents of the closest friend died, so that she can free a few days in the time when the "foreigner" will be in bg. Even if you were not in a house, but in a block of flats on different floors, you should still go. This in no way obliges you to do her favors or listen to her stories about her existence. When you go, if she doesn't invite you inside, you just greet her and leave, if she invites you for tea, you go in for 20 minutes, drink tea, make a conversation about time. , for street traffic or similar non-binding topics and you leave. You both have fears, that's your problem. She is afraid that if she shares something of her life, as a living abroad she has to brag about something positive, it is stupid to complain, but if she brags, the hearers will immediately want to take advantage. Just like when you heard he knew people in the industry, you asked for a car. And man sometimes in his diligence, to figure out what to brag about serves, if you understand me. You are afraid that you can't say NO and when they ask for a favor in your face you don't know how to refuse. That's why you are "afraid" to go to greet her, you subconsciously think that she will immediately find something to ask for, and you will not find words to refuse her a favor.

   If it wasn't for your sister, would you write here? And where do you think we should go? !! Ok, straight to your question- Are there ethical norms for such cases? - No, no, because there is no ethics in your relationship and there is nothing normal. You act like strangers. I'm at my sister's house, and vice versa. With or without a reservation, the door is open.

   "The door is open" It's different here. There's a door on the stairs to her floor, but it keeps her locked away. When they need me, they unlock it, come to me to tell me what they need, and leave it unlocked while I do their job. They have another entrance and if I want to visit them, I have to go out and go around the house. Sister ... I preferred you to answer me impartially ... She is my half-sister. Her mother has made a significant contribution to the deterioration of our relations. Until before her death, our father gathered us and tried his best to unite us. Then the opposite happened - her mother forcibly managed to ruin our relationship. However, not only does he not mind helping them, but he makes me obligated ... He looks for me first, whatever he needs. If I firmly refuse, only then can he look for his own son, but in most cases he forgets that she had a problem ... Even last night I went to see what was happening with their electricity ... Finally, I have no pretensions about what our relationship will be like. But I think that if you don't respect someone - you just avoid them and don't look for them for nothing. Turns out I'm wrong?