For A Woman Who Doesn't Know What She Wants. I Ask For A Woman's Opinion And Advice

Hello ladies. I want to tell you my story with a woman who does not know what she wants or is rather the perfect incarnation of Libra. Naturally, I will present my point of view on what is happening and I would like to ask you for a comment or advice. And I beg the emancipated ladies not to stone me ... I will try to be brief but comprehensive. She and I are high school classmates. we like each other, but we disagree, because at the decisive moment I go to another, deceived by sex. (I was still 18) A year and a half later, already students in another country, our paths converge in an unthinkable way. The circumstances are so cruel that it brings us together to live together. After 3 months of torturous, incredibly nervous maintaining a supposedly friendly relationship, I give free rein to my feelings. She does the same after a month of hesitation. During this time, tides alternate with elements of sex. A 6-year relationship follows. And that's where the interesting part of the story begins, in my opinion. as you can guess, in the beginning we understand each other and we are very much in love. I was armed with a priceless weapon, a principle that works unconditionally ... cultivate the largest complex of women next to you. It's rounder, but my ass, although some find it big, I like. I worshiped this ass, and she was really complex and still is. From a persecutor, I became a persecutor. She loved me more than I did. And I loved her madly. From the 4th month of our relationship, he began to suggest to me that I am HE. However, I doubted if she was SHE, precisely because of her lability. She hesitates about the most basic, everyday things. She asks things she is sure of and yet she is waiting for my confirmation. Or in short, she is always insecure. It's like leading a puppy by a leash. Usually with her insecurities, if it's not me, her mother gets in the game too. And remember, it's not just about important decisions, it's about everyday things. At home, I felt like a big brother. Her mother calls 5 or 6 times a day every night and calls to remind her to take her contraceptives. I am a witness to this, and when I am not there, I do not care what was discussed and what advice was given. We've talked about this more than once, but her mother was always on either Skype or the phone. Even during sex, it happened to get up and answer her. My other concern was that with each serious quarrel between us, she decided that I didn't love her and that I almost didn't want to dump her. Which never crossed my mind. And last but not least, our sex was boring and monotonous because of her shyness. So far you will say, I only list negatives, why was I with her Yes, these were her downsides, but she is the best soul, true childishly pure and innocent, emotional soul I have ever met. There is no better and more compassionate person than her. And as she has told me many times, I am the only one who has discovered her essence, and indeed this is so, and I loved her very much, in spite of all the things listed. But these were things that kept me from revealing myself completely to her, because I doubted her ability to be with me in difficult times. She is a person who needs support in a difficult situation. And if I fell one day, I was never sure if she would last to help me get up. After 4 years of relationship, I decided to go to America for half a year because I believed that this experience will help me for better development. We talked and she understood me, but she said she didn't know how she would last so long without me ... 6 months. She suffers a lot, but we heard each other on Skype almost every day. He was waiting for me. It was a good sign for me, and I came back as if everything was fine. Two more years have passed since then, we have talked about the future together, but not specifically. Our relationship was already more mature, it was already on track and we understood each other. True, we could not afford to go on trips (which she always complained about) either because one or the other does not have time, or because there is no money. We were students from different majors though. We were nervous, we fought, but we always fell asleep in each other's arms. Absorbed by the stress of the last year of our studies, we both began to pay less attention. And it was bilateral, but I never stopped loving her, neither did she. There was a big quarrel, she went out and didn't come home all night, telling me she was going to a bar in anger, and she went to her brother and waited for me to look for her. However, I did not understand and decided that she really left. I went crazy, not out of jealousy, I never stopped her, but out of anger that she did it. In a fit of emotion, I decided to pack my bags and went to post ads that I was looking for a room. At that moment she comes and calls me on the phone. I was very angry and told her she saw what I was doing. She ran away from home and did not try to stop me. she just texted me that she was with her brother and that she hoped to look for her. I calmed down after a few minutes and came back. Slowly, but we got along. I admit my mistake here ... then everything was old. We talked about the future again after we finished. She changed her mind constantly. Now he wanted to return to Bulgaria, now he wanted us to stay where we are. I had the ambition to go to England for myself and she was ready to come with me because her professional development would also benefit from that. But then he gave up. She decided, under the influence of her mother, that she had nowhere to go in a third country. But in spite of everything, even though we didn't pay so much attention to each other because of our own problems, we still fell asleep embracing and calm that we were both. I finished on her and the same thing was coming in 3 months. And I was afraid that the time had come for us to decide what to do. we talked and I explained my motives for England, and they were that I wanted to do everything possible one day to be good enough to be the engine of a future family. I feel I have to do it so that I don't regret it one day, that I have missed the opportunity I have. She understood me and told me again that she did not know how she would last this year, but she loved me and did not want anyone else. I reassured her that we would reunite and that the physical separation did not end our relationship and that I loved her and that at 2 to 3 months we would see each other and transfer this 1 year. I was honest and I decided that if we endured this, we would be able to start a family. I would have an incomparable profile and I would find a good job and I could really be the head of the family. She would have proved to me that we can withstand difficulty ... because "in joy and sorrow" is the oath. However, over the years, she had told me more and more that I was going to dump her when she was younger. No matter how much I convinced her otherwise, she still wasn't sure ... I didn't think to dump her for a second, but I just never told her in plain text that we would get married, for the reasons described at the beginning. I went to Bulgaria to prepare for entrance exams, she stayed to finish her studies. we heard each other regularly, she came to BG to do part of her thesis and because we are from the same city we saw each other almost every day and everything was still fine. After she left, we talked again and she mentioned something about children again in a funny way, I answered the joke, but I did not deny it. And after about 10 days, her mother went to visit her. The day after her mother left, she decided after 6.5 years to write to me on Skype that she wanted to separate, that she could not have a long-distance relationship. I explained to her again what it was about and why I was doing it, in the name of a higher goal, to be with the best possible prerequisites for good realization, to make me a good, secure father and husband. we quarreled word for word. I was again affected, as in the situation described above, when I had taken my luggage, and I wrote her all these things here, but in a slightly angrier and more offended form. When I calmed down a bit, I called her and calmed her down. Because she was about to defend her dissertation. We got along and agreed that we are nervous and that we do not decide anything, but we will talk live when we see each other in 2 weeks. We talked normally again on Skype, but she was somehow withdrawn. Here she was as I knew her, here she was different. I immediately suspected that there was another, and she denied it and said again that she loved me, but every departure was torture for me, so she said she wanted us to separate. I accepted it and said, let's see each other and talk and rethink our plans. That day was yesterday and she told me that on the day of our skype quarrel, when she told me for the first time that she wanted us to part temporarily, then she slept with someone else. she had caught herself drowning in a straw because she needed someone. And she didn't want to hesitate again, it was better for her to be separated and that she didn't know what she wanted and that the other didn't love him and that she still had feelings for me, but she didn't know what she wanted. whether to follow him, whether to follow me, whether to continue on her own. Her moods are changing. here she is again and we hug, here she is cold. Here I feel a desire to kiss her, but when I do, he pulls at the last moment. She was confused as to why she had done it and felt dirty and could not lie down with me or kiss me. The next moment she says that the other is in her thoughts ... a constant change of emotions and opinions, typical for her. let me add another fact that she told me. she was very upset by her defense, and she told me that she had called not her mother, not the other, but me, because I would have understood her best. After a while she told me that she couldn't promise me not to see the other ... I can't understand her. After this long novel, if you have read it and you are not bored, what do you think? Is she with him to forget me, does she really want a fresh start. Put yourself in her shoes and tell me as a woman, I will be grateful to you. I myself was wrong about her, I was not sinless, but we had a generally harmonious relationship. The strange thing is that she didn't hurt me when she told me she was with someone else. I had done something like this after we had an argument, only I didn't sleep with the other one, but not because she wouldn't let me, but because I stopped. My (ex?) Friend and I both reacted the same way, no matter how far we went. I want to hear an opinion, because after this act of hers, I no longer know how I feel about her. I want to understand her and myself. Is there a meaning and a chance for us and this is a test we have to go through, or will I not make a mistake if I give up because I am ready to do it? Ladies, have your say, please.