First of all, let me say that my confession will be very long and for those who don't read it, they will just stop from now on! I just really have nowhere else to say everything I feel, no one will understand me, and I think I can no longer keep it to myself .... I'm just tired of everything. Damn ... I don't know if it's my fault, but if that's the case, I wouldn't judge others, I'm just not convinced it's all my fault. I had a friend with whom we were together for a year and a half, he loved me very much and I loved him, until a time when things just didn't work out anymore. We had a lot of problems and quarrels, his jealousy ended me. We parted in a nasty way for him. yes, if I have guilt and any sin against him, this will be the only one. Another man appeared in my life and we went out secretly for a while. Eventually everything came to light, my friend understood, We parted for good. He looked for me for a while, he prayed to me, he said that he understood where his mistakes were, he said that he would change. But I don't believe in such promises. And that's what I want to tell, most of all. Then, we met with the gentleman in question, even though I knew it was not a good party. I had a clear idea of what I was doing, and yet I preferred my personal stupidity to the sensible advice of friends and acquaintances. Everything is going well (well, of course there are scandals from time to time, but you can't do without them). We get along well, we hear each other all the time on the phone on the days when he is not there. because of another ... or others ... I later decided that I was just like that. Fear and even paranoia at times, I am completely in control. I just can't control it. I have always been like that. I don't trust anyone for anything, I have the feeling that they are constantly lying to me, cheating and that they are constantly trying to deceive me about something. I analyze each line for hours and look for different interpretations of what was said ... I just can't stop. I had decided that when you love someone and hold on to them, it is normal, but I have become very worried about myself. I have the feeling that no matter what they say, no matter how much someone swears by something, I will still not accept it. When my friend tells me that he loves me, I don't believe him. I don't believe that he wants to be with me and that he is tired of dealing with other women and I don't believe a single word. He says that he wants to be with me. marry me and I'm almost the last one in his life ... I can't believe it. Most people dream of hearing these words all their lives, and for me they are just for the purpose of blinding my eyes so that I can believe him and he can do whatever he wants. I had decided to stop and have a little more trust in people, because it only harms myself, I rethought my behavior and decided that it is not fair to do so (even if it was only in my thoughts). And I just decided to I give him a chance and he blows away ..... Tell me how to believe then It's just that he himself is a naughty person, and I love him and I can't end my relationship with him. No matter how much I don't trust him somewhere very deep inside, I have a small hope that maybe not everything is a delusion, and that maybe It really rains on me. And I just decide that I'm wrong and he does something that convinces me that I'm right and seems to ruin everything .... I can't talk to my friends because they are already far away, I was left completely alone, only with him .... And in the rare cases when I tell them, they just decide that I'm not well and tell me to go for an examination ... And my friend does not agree to see them, he said that they were scum, and he had no intention of making his girlfriend one. And I keep thinking .... if you want to deceive someone, exactly with the words "I love you" should it happen? Isn't there another way? Aren't these the words that people say when they feel it. Is it such an insensitive person? do you have to be to look someone in the eye and lie? And there is something else .... I know that at any time convenient for him, he will cheat on me. I'm just convinced of this, he has done it before with others, there is no reason not to do the same with me. Looking him in the eye, I can't tell if he's honest with me or not. My intuition tells me to believe him, but the many transgressions, advise me the opposite. I don't know what to believe and what to do. To turn my back on myself and my dignity and move forward with it, with the expectation that something will happen at any moment, or to abandon it because of my own fears, without explanation (because such a thing does not I can give it to him, at least not meaningfully). I love him and I don't want to be without him, we are no longer children aged 17-18, I should be able to judge and make such decisions on my own, and I still can't do that .. I'm sorry for the long explanations and reflections and thanks to those who have read it all and to those who will leave a comment. I'm sorry about that if I sound crazy, but as I said, I have no one to tell everything I feel without pretense. To turn my back on myself and my dignity and move on with it, with the expectation that something will happen at any moment, or to abandon it because of my own fears, without explanation (because I can't give it to him, at least not meaningfully). I love him and I don't want to be without him, we are no longer children aged 17-18, I should be able to judge and make such decisions on my own, and I still can't do that .. I'm sorry for the long explanations and reflections and thanks to those who have read it all and to those who will leave a comment. I'm sorry about that if I sound crazy, but as I said, I have no one to tell everything I feel without pretense. To turn my back on myself and my dignity and move on with it, with the expectation that something will happen at any moment, or to abandon it because of my own fears, without explanation (because I can't give it to him, at least not meaningfully). I love him and I don't want to be without him, we are no longer children aged 17-18, I should be able to judge and make such decisions on my own, and I still can't do that .. I'm sorry for the long explanations and reflections and thanks to those who have read it all and to those who will leave a comment. I'm sorry about that if I sound crazy, but as I said, I have no one to tell everything I feel without pretense. I love him and I don't want to be without him, we are no longer children aged 17-18, I should be able to judge and make such decisions on my own, and I still can't do that .. I'm sorry for the long explanations and reflections and thanks to those who have read it all and to those who will leave a comment. I'm sorry about that, too, if I seem crazy to you, but as I said, I have no one to tell everything I feel without pretense. I love him and I don't want to be without him, we are no longer children aged 17-18, I should be able to judge and make such decisions on my own, and I still can't do that .. I'm sorry for the long explanations and reflections and thanks to those who have read it all and to those who will leave a comment. I'm sorry about that if I sound crazy, but as I said, I have no one to tell everything I feel without pretense.
1 RoxxyXXX answered
Honey, you are very harassed and depressed. My advice is to go to a doctor, a psychiatrist - definitely! There is nothing shameful about that. Whoever seeks medical help does not mean he is crazy. You're just stressed, depressed. And this, if left untreated, becomes very complicated over the years. You have to take care of yourself !!! Thanks to the treatment, these gloomy and obsessive thoughts will disappear, you will feel good, your soul will feel light. And you will be able to live fully - to enjoy life, your love, and not to suffer from unnecessary fears. If, if, if ... We if we knew what would happen if ... These are imaginary fears, not so real. That's why you have to get rid of them, and you can't do it alone. That's why there are psychiatrists! For God's sake, we live in the 21st century! Don't give up on the pain! Do not analyze, do not delve into one thought. Take life easier! Easier things! Normal people do that, so their psyche endures. And who thinks a lot - hurts himself! Look pinker at life, brighter! Don't invent worries that don't exist !!! Do you know how many people in the world have problems and pains much worse than your kahari! You have nothing to suffer like that !!!