Hello! In front of me is the following case: I am a 26-year-old woman, my partner is 28 years old, my father is 51. My husband and I have been together for 10 years, we have been fighting here and there, but we have been together for 4 years, ok, we are building a home, we are planning a family. My father started getting to know the man next to me 4 years ago, he never accepted him, but it's not that he didn't like him. Everyone knows that he is kind, good and helpful. He really never abused, spoke unprepared and so on. It's just that my father is one of those people who expects everyone to know their mood, what's in their head and so on. In this line of thought, he is sometimes very pleased and happy with my man, but there are still bursts of total denial to accept my husband. I can't figure out if it's just a character / because not wanting to see us as a couple sometimes comes up with statements like, I do not accept him and I deny her, I will drive them out, and never to see her, she does not greet us, she does not speak to us, etc./. My question is, is it possible that this is due to paternal jealousy Could it be an age crisis? What can cause these unpleasant situations to be unwanted in my home, to have scandals in my family, to put me almost in front of a choice or your husband or father .... Please share if someone has gone this way or has idea ... I don't know what to do anymore ... Nobody can stand these scenes.
Answers 16
Jealousy. You will understand it when one day (to be alive and healthy, to have a son and a daughter) your son gets married. I'm not saying that's right, but it often happens.
I don't think it's exactly my father's jealousy. As if they had you for property that was taken away from him ... My father was one of those who zealously guarded his daughter. We had that relationship, like "Daddy's Princess". But he has never behaved in such a rude way. He did not insult, much less threaten me, that he would give up on me. One time it happened to a boyfriend that I was trying to break up, we were in front of our entrance and he slapped me. Apparently my father was on the terrace, we lived on the 1st floor. He jumped and was furious. Nabi beat him and shouted that if he just approached me, she would kill him as well. Only then does he react extremely, but now that I am a parent myself, I fully understand him. Otherwise, his demand was - to take me from the door of my house and return me there. I was free to share with him, I trusted him completely. When I met my husband, as if he had felt before me even that this was the last. He was subjected to cross-examination, watching him under a magnifying glass during conversations. Even if they went out "male" twice, I'm sure the idea was to see something wrong :). But in the end, the boyfriend (husband already) managed to gain his trust by becoming friends. In the end, he accepted him as his son. I think that for your father you are still "his girlfriend" and this man of yours is just the competition that takes away his girl's attention. However, it crosses borders, it goes to obsession. Try it like this, invite them to you, see his behavior on YOUR territory. If he continues to behave rudely, then calmly tell him that this is your home, your husband and your life. If he wants, he can take part in your life, if you do not respect his decision and you will put an end to it. So once and for all he will understand that you are no longer scared of his threats of dismissal, and your family will always be in the first place and he will have to accept it, no matter if he wants it or not. It just doesn't depend on him anymore, I have to accept your choice. Another option is for your husband to "show balls", in the sense that your husband should already stand in front of him and directly state "I do not allow such a tone with my wife". It will be worse, but more effective. One man (father) will have to give in to the other man (husband). Any other reaction would mean admitting that they have their property. And so the man will win at least his respect, albeit hypocritical in the beginning. It just doesn't depend on him anymore, I have to accept your choice. Another option is for your husband to "show balls", in the sense that your husband should already stand in front of him and directly state "I do not allow such a tone with my wife". It will be worse, but more effective. One man (father) will have to give in to the other man (husband). Any other reaction would mean admitting that they have their property. And so the man will win at least his respect, albeit hypocritical in the beginning. It just doesn't depend on him anymore, I have to accept your choice. Another option is for your husband to "show balls", in the sense that your husband should already stand in front of him and directly state "I do not allow such a tone with my wife". It will be worse, but more effective. One man (father) will have to give in to the other man (husband). Any other reaction would mean admitting that they have their property. And so the man will win at least his respect, albeit hypocritical in the beginning. Any other reaction would mean admitting that they have their property. And so the man will gain at least his respect, albeit hypocritical in the beginning. Any other reaction would mean admitting that they have their property. And so the man will win at least his respect, albeit hypocritical in the beginning.
Most parents have a hard time with the fact that their little girl has grown up and has another man in her life. With my father, the situation was similar, without such extremes. I got married at 23 and my father was in shock. What did I not hear about my husband, that we are both too young for a family, that he is not able to take care of me, that we are in a hurry ... we have been married for 10 years and things are ok, but I realize that my father was just worried about me. He wasn't sure that at 23 I was aware of the responsibility of marriage. I guess the reasons for your father's behavior are similar. Don't worry, he will accept it in time and if your husband really treats you well, you won't have any problems. Just give your father time to realize that you are no longer his little girl. And watch "The Bride's Father" 1 and 2. You will laugh a lot about the father's reactions when his daughter gets married. My mom and I watched it around my wedding and we died laughing. 1 to 1 with my father's reactions!
In my opinion, if you live with your father, you should move out, young and old have no place together, I don't know if there is any jealousy, more precisely, obviously the person wants to live alone and you bother him. This is my personal opinion.
If you think he is your man, then he is. You've been together for so long, don't you think you're leaving him just because of your father's outbursts? Maybe there are a few of both - both paternal jealousy and age crisis. Still, keep trying to get him to accept your man. And he will get used to it in time and everything will fall into place.
There is no update on the site on the second day, nor is it Saturday or Sunday.
This site was completely left to its own devices ... It's a shame. If you don't have enough moderators, contact us, there will always be someone willing. It's very unpleasant like that ... I'm sorry to say that.
Author, aren't you a little older with your husband to live with your father? Of course, there will be a generational conflict once you are in the same home - in order for things to go smoothly, the young family must move out separately. The person is at home and in his right - you must comply with him, not he with you. Let me tell you that I am your father and I will be annoyed if I see that at this age you will build a family, and obviously you are not independent ...
The son or daughter is old enough to pay the rent themselves.
Yes, this is the eighth crisis in the 1950s. Most likely he is afraid of getting married and forget about it. People at this age need people with whom to do things of common interest, people with whom to spend time and share. Most likely you are his faithful friend and he does not want to lose you. He may say bad words to you, call you in an unusual way, BUT all this is due to the fear of loss. He loves you and wants to live with you. Don't forget about him and love him! M17, who wants to study psychology.
Topics of 4 or more days do not have an approved comment. So far, at least on the third day, you have approved them. You just hit him through the millet.
Hello! First of all thank you very much for the comments! To numbers 4, 8 and 9: I have not spoken exhaustively, so I will try to clarify the situation. We don't live with my father, but we live in his apartment. We are not like the most common families, so I can't say that my apartment is ours or that I deserve it and so on. We pay everything and will take responsibility for everything the home needs, but the documents are in his name. I knew from the beginning that I would be constantly teased about what I got and it would break my nerves because of that, but the desire to finally live with the man dream for me was stronger… As well as to make the dream home, where rather is the problem. If we hadn't thrown our savings into repairs and furniture, I wouldn't be angry and say I get up and leave when you don't want me. But I can't… And I can't share my favorite, because how to explain the character of your father. I don't believe he will really drive me away, but I can't live in peace, knowing that at some point he can freak out and really lose me. And I don't know what I'm more afraid of - how the relationship with my parents or the man next to me would change, what I would do. And lately, I'm thinking more and more about pulling abroad, I think I'd better grit my teeth and wait to see what happens. To number 2: I always try to please. Maybe that's my problem. The person I oppress is the man next to me when it comes to my family. Always do my parents' job, always behave and talk as if licking their asses…. to be satisfied, to feel the right moment when and what to say. This communication is a job. But he never complained, he never attacked me for their behavior. He mostly came up with a comment like "why did they spend so much money on something that can be found cheaper" for example. We get together as a family… they talk to each other, he does him services, such as crossing the whole SF to bring him something so that my father doesn't get stuck in traffic. It's just that my father has a hard time admitting people, he thinks everyone fucks him and what not. And over time, he seemed to get used to it. My father hadn't behaved like that in a long time. Except if when we see each other in the first moment and it's not fun not to say anything or to speak stunted. But he won't, and his snap won't be nasty. It's just that my father has a hard time admitting people, he thinks everyone fucks him and what not. And over time, he seemed to get used to it. My father hadn't behaved like that in a long time. Except if when we see each other in the first moment and it's not fun not to say anything or to speak stunted. But he won't, and his snap won't be nasty. It's just that my father has a hard time admitting people, he thinks everyone fucks him and what not. And over time, he seemed to get used to it. My father hadn't behaved like that in a long time. Except if when we see each other in the first moment and it's not fun not to say anything or to speak stunted. But he won't, and his snap won't be nasty.
Off you doze off ... and yes with this expression !!! Nachi, my father hit the table that I was not his daughter, but at times he started whining. I broke my ankle 3 months ago and my aunt came and started "such and such I have a niece your aunt no" trot. Now he speaks kindly and politely as if nothing had happened. Nachi, the moment your father separated you like a seed and your mother stopped breastfeeding, life is in your hands. You will live with your husband, you will grow old next to him, you will tolerate his whims. Those of your father are the weight of your mother :);) I share purely and frankly. It is! Good luck
Well, you have planted a lot of naughty things - he can just always drive you out of there, because according to the documents, the house is his. I think you should tell your boyfriend about your father's cracks and have a common position. And stop making him behave that way with your parents. This is humiliating for him! Don't bet too much on going abroad unless it's a job.
№13 is right, only I am "on the other side of the barricade" :) My grandfather used to say: "Another woman - someone else's trouble!". He lived to be 98 years old. By "foreign woman" does not necessarily mean an extramarital affair, but simply means someone else's wife, and such a woman may be your own daughter - she is the care of your son-in-law, not yours! :)
And finally understand / remember that "grow" and "grow up" are two different and separate verbs - one is of the imperfect form and the other is of the perfect form! There is no such thing as "grown up"! The past perfect participle of the verb "to grow up" is "grown up."