Hello, I want if I can hear the opinions of people who are impartial, because mine is biased and I can't seem to judge things objectively. I hope my story is published. It's about my mother. She left me in the care of my grandmother (my father's mother) from an early age. He only took me when I had to start school and my brother was watching him. He is 2 years younger than me. I got married and went abroad, but we still visited each other twice a year. She came to me, then I came to her. Because she had a difficult childhood, I forgave her many things, such as grievances, criticism, I tried to please her with what I could, to buy her something she needed, provided that I also have a lot of expenses and 2 children for which to takes care. Anyway, at one point I was better off materially and she seemed to get angry, she kept wondering what the other daughters were doing for their mothers, almost a hint that I had to pay her money every month to support her. She didn't care about my children at all, I left my daughter once when she was a baby and she cried, then a scandal broke out where I had been for so long, and she couldn't handle this roaring baby. Since then I have not relied on her to help me with the children, I raised them on my own without grandmothers. Anyway. At the same time, she was completely different from my brother, he was always on his toes, he was always wronged, he was still not doing well. I have nothing wrong with him, he is not bad as a person, a little characterless, and I have always tried to maintain a good relationship with him. Anyway, my mother almost instilled in me that I was living my life, and he, poor thing, couldn't get better. He takes good money, however, they go to discos, restaurants for BGN 300, clothes for BGN 500 and so it all ends. And he is still poor and unjust, and I almost squeezed, which does not give them money. I look after 2 children, and the only thing waiting for me is how to do it. Subsequently, what hurt me the most was the family apartment behind my back, without even telling me, and at one point the truth came out. I have no pretensions to this apartment, I had no intention of living there, but still shouldn't have informed me at least to know, It really ruined me, and the explanation was you have an apartment, and he does not. Ok I have no problem staying for him, but at least they would have told me everything behind my back was done. I stopped communicating with these people as if they had stabbed me in the heart. Now they're calling and they want us to fix our relationship, but I can't take such resentment anymore, lies and manipulations. Tell me who is right in this case, because I am already totally confused by everything that is happening. I have the feeling that my mother hates me and everything I do is taken for granted, and everything my brother does is almost for theology. I just feel betrayed and hurt and he doesn't want to communicate with these people. They lied to me and betrayed me, and all my life they treated me like a rag.
Answers 11
Get rid of this vampire. Only in the end it was not clear to me which other than your mother you mean. You only complain about her, I haven't read about others. Does your husband know about your torments? What matters is what he thinks about it.
When someone likes me, when I see that he wants to take advantage of me. And if I'm not dependent on him in any way. I just stop communicating with him - for me this person no longer exists. And if you want to pray to me. I do not allow them to treat me unfairly. No matter who he is. I'm just trying to stay out of an awkward situation.
And you have the right not to keep in touch with them if you don't like it. Although the reason is not that your grandmother took care of you in early childhood. And that they always want you to give to your brother. Your brother is innocent in this case, he is not to blame for his parents instilling that you are doing well and he is almost defective. For now, you don't have to give anything to anyone and you don't have to feel guilty about the fact. If, as adults, you are convicted of alimony, you are obliged to bring them money, but I hope they do not remember to sue you. Even if you think about it, you were lucky to have your grandmother raise you for the first 7 years and not swallow your mother's poison from an early age, this is exactly what gave you a chance to develop now to the point where you can handle yourself and even think that you are so good that they want you to help them. Otherwise it is very unpleasant that they prescribed your brother's house, without telling you, but keep in mind that you are far away and he takes care of them every day, for now by listening to them and taking their poison, and you don't even want to hear them, think how bad he is now, he has to put up with them all day, in the future they will become older and will need to be watched by doctors, he will take all this and believe me he will pay for his apartment with nerves. That's how it is in life, housing pays off, with nerves, with money, always with work.
Hungry your husband and children. Your mother, your brother and others are already a story for you. I don't think you should have contacts with them - they will always find a way to disappoint you !!! I tell you again: starve your husband and your children.
For them you are the hardened hen. You cut them correctly, don't bother and load them with beer. You have a family to take care of, keep the energy for them. And without that, you don't owe anything to your mother, but rather to your grandmother, if she ever needs to help her without crossing borders. They also impose a feeling of guilt on you, for what ?? !! You should not be responsible for the life of your brother or mother. To cope as best they can. Who gives you ready-made like that? !! My sister is like that. The eternal sacrifice also rests on me forever. Well, I'm tired at last and I cut very roughly, but believe me after a lot of money and nerves spent on it. I also live outside and I became for her the piggy bank that she always releases. When he got there, however, he wanted to ask me for money for the car of the man he lived with, well, he was there. I've broken my nerves with her so much that I'm still wondering how I bonded. Example - "how, I have a big problem. They cut off my electricity. I owe about 600 leva". Ok, I'm sorry for a moment. The next day, from common acquaintances, I understand that she had a crazy party in a tavern and drank well. Well, to make a barovka on someone else's money. And I also have two children, and instead of throwing that money at Disneyland, for example, I send them to the taverns. Well, I want to say that it doesn't make sense, and even so, they never learn to take responsibility for themselves, at least, and to stretch according to their own, not your rug. Cut and forget! And I also have two children, and instead of throwing that money at Disneyland, for example, I send them to the taverns. Well, I want to say that it doesn't make sense, and even so, they never learn to take responsibility for themselves, at least, and to stretch according to their own, not your rug. Cut and forget! And I also have two children, and instead of throwing that money at Disneyland, for example, I send them to the taverns. Well, I want to say that it doesn't make sense, and even so, they never learn to take responsibility for themselves, at least to stretch according to their own, not your rug. Cut and forget!
Unfortunately, one cannot choose one's family. There are many people in your situation, and even worse, I hope one of them tells you his story here and gives you advice on how to survive the situation. I sincerely regret that your mother treats you this way, that the person who must love you unconditionally and always be behind you is obviously not really interested in you or your children. I have always been of the opinion that relatives and family are the most important people in a person's life and that everyone should do everything possible to maintain good relations with them, but everything has its limits. You say that this has been the case throughout your life - you have not received respect and gratitude, you have not felt loved or valued. What you can do is distance yourself from these people, without scandals and ugly scenes, just live your life, away from them and most of all be a much better mother to your own children. It is difficult to have such a family, but you have already built your own home and this is already your priority. I can only feel sorry for your mother, who did not understand what it is like to be a real parent and protector, to give everything you have without expecting anything in return. Try not to be too moved by this behavior and do not blame yourself, you cannot be the only one who always compromises and takes care of others.
Аз пък ще ти разкажа друга история. Едната ми баба цял живот даваше мило и драго за чичо ми. Неговото дете направо и се качваше на главата с претенции и баба ми си харчеше цялата пенсия за него. Гледаше го всичките ваканции, а през зимата отиваше у чичо ми, за да може те да вземат помощите за отопление и тя да им пере и чисти. В същото време изкарваше половината зима у дома без картата за пенсията и и без въпросните помощи. Накрая като се разболя ни я оставиха при нас - без пукната стотинка, а същевременно те си харчеха парите от пенсията й. Нали жената на можеше да им слугува вече... Баба в последните две три години започна да осъзнава, че има и други внуци. Вече не ми бъркаше името и отлетяха всякакви мечти, че чичо ми и така обичния й внук ще се обадят дори за някой празник. А те не се обаждаха, за да не ги пита тя, кога ще дойдат да я видят поне. И така седем осем години докато почина. Вече гаснеше и ние се опитвахме да се свържем с чичо ми, поне да благоволят да я видят преди да предаде богу дух, а той няколко дни не ни вдигаше телефона, че да не му зададем някой неудобен въпрос. Накрая дойдоха буквално преди да умре... аз не съм била в стаята, но майка ми каза, че като отишли той и съпругата и да правят на много прискръбни, баба ми извърнала поглед настрана и не е искала да ги погледне. И така си отиде с огорчение в душата. А скъпият й преди това внук дори на погребението не благоволи да дойде! Има близки роднини, които се възползват ужасно много от добрите хора. Ти си гледай децата и си вземи поука от начина, по който са постъпили с теб. Дели по равно - не давай поводи децата ти от братя и сестри да се превърнат във врагове. Ако ще помагаш на някого, помагай на бабата, която се е грижила за теб, ако е жива още. А пък че си била по-добре финансово - то си е твоя заслугата. Точно за това не бива да изпитваш вина.
Author, you are absolutely right and I sympathize with you for everything you have suffered from your relatives. You have broken off a relationship correctly - there is no point in them when only they poison and use. Your mother obviously loves your brother more - cases like this a lot, you're not guilty and you can't change it. Just stay away from these people and look after your life and the children. For your parents, he will always be their little child to help - and you are obviously the donkey that carries everything and should feel obligated and serve everyone. No wonder they decided to watch them in their old age - you're a girl, and your brother is expected to become the head of the family. That they decided to deprive you of an inheritance in favor of your brother - ok, but that they neglect their grandchildren, that they have never helped you with the children and that they have decided to disinherit them as well - as a mother it is not right to swallow. You reacted in the right way. I know it's a big wound and it hurts a lot - but if you let them back in your life, they'll just keep hurting you. Don't expect them to regret what they did or to ever appreciate you. Be strong.
Thanks for the answers. I see that you also advise me not to communicate with them, which is at least a relief that I did the right thing. As you said, this poison is difficult to tolerate. It's just that I've always been of the opinion that relatives should be supported and united, because we already live in a difficult world with a lot of people who don't think well of us. As I said to my brother, I have no bad feelings and I have the feeling that my mother has separated us. He makes good money but has the mind of a teenager and is wasted on nonsense. He could have bought at least 2 apartments in those years, but everything went for parties, clothes, entertainment, repayment of foreign loans. Well, I'm not to blame in this case, to such people and the millions from the lottery to fall again will waste them. The problem is, my mother closes her eyes to this, making him a sufferer, without realizing that he had gotten there himself. And I, who have more or less arranged my life, am the lucky one, I just invested what I earn in having a home and a normal standard of living. But as a person lives in delusion, no one can open his eyes unless he decides for himself. You are right, the most important thing for me is to raise my family and children, there is no point in wasting energy in unnecessary quarrels.
Personally, I would have beaten my mother's ass a long time ago and not dealt with her at all. I am quite an extreme person and when someone does something like that, I go to extremes in my decisions. Your mother is to blame for me. She can't kill the complexes on her children, a real mother shouldn't divide her children, because that way the children are hated. Feel free to give your mother, before explaining to her why you do not want to communicate with her, explain to her and your brother that you are not a bank and will not send money to lazy people or thugs. From there, if you want, keep in touch with your brother, unless he inherited your mother's character.
The apartment can not be legally attributed. As their daughter, you have a so-called 'reserved part' and you can get it back in court, don't let them steal from you. And they can even go to jail. Search the Internet for heritage - a reserved part and you will see for yourself, Author. Even if they copied your brother's apartment, by law you own that apartment too. No one can take away the reserved part of the children heirs, such is the law simply.