Hello. Until a few years ago, I played sports and had a pretty good body until I found the love of my life. But the problem is not the girl, but rather the ambitions and sick thinking of my parents. Things got serious with her, we even got married, but unfortunately my parents didn't accept her. In the beginning, they were very rude to her because they thought she was not for me and stopped my development and she suffered a lot. They really wanted me to go abroad, because people there succeeded and I "had no future in Bulgaria". Maybe they think so because they are not very successful people, I would even say that they are quite mediocre, without education and career. Maybe looking at them, I aspired to graduate with good grades and not be one (I'm an engineer, if that matters). Nevertheless, I listened to them and went abroad with my wife. She left her job here, which she liked very much, and it was very difficult, but she came with me. We earned good salaries there, but my wife and I were not happy, we missed Bulgaria and our salaries here are not bad either. When I shared this with my parents, they accused me of being slimy, my wife encouraged me to go back, and it stopped my development and the "good" life I had there. They constantly gave me an example of how the son and daughter of someone who was abroad and do you see how successful they were, because they pick strawberries in England, for example. Nevertheless, we returned a few years later and with the money saved we bought an apartment. To my great regret, we are now repairing it and we are forced to live with them. Out of courtesy, they behave well, but at times they can't hide their feelings. My wife felt it too, and she began to be quite rude to them. You can remember how unbearable it is in us, and I give myself all the money to finish the renovation of the new home as soon as possible and move out, so I do not want to look for an apartment for rent. Separately, I have to go to work, which is also responsible and stressful. The thing is, from all this, my nerves can't take it anymore. I gained a lot of weight, I gained blood, my blood sugar is at the limit, I gasp when I walk and I feel very bad and I am only 32. Also, I started abusing alcohol. I no longer know what to do, how long it will last and whether I have ruined my health irretrievably. What annoys me the most is that I was an athlete in good health and a good body, and only out of nerves and tension because of the styles and ill ambitions of someone did this happen. Maybe it's all my fault. Maybe I'm too soft and characterless,
Answers 8
I'm sorry author, but it's easiest to blame others for your own problems and failures. And the reality is that you have great confidence that they were mediocre, and you are supposed to be very great, at the same time you need their help. They helped you 100% and while you graduated from university, today you decided that you need to use their home. For your information, the 32-year-old Europeans do not seek help from their parents, for them it is a shame, such a search for help after coming of age is done only in Bulgaria. As for looking for accommodation, it is not obligatory at all, you can easily fix a room from your apartment in two days and live there until you fix the whole thing. Yes, it is unpleasant to live in a house that is being renovated, but believe me you will not be the first. And really, if people who live in their own home, decide to make repairs do not need to be exported. If after 15-20 years you decide to make repairs again and you are already 52 years old, will you go to them again? Once you think that your parents are ruining your health, what do you do with them, especially when you have your own home. Who knows how long you will spend this repair, since during this time you have gained weight and this weight gain has already affected your health. When we bought a house, it was ruined. An 80-year-old grandmother lived in it, with all her natures. Exactly for a day we cleaned one of the rooms, sent a new nylon on the ground, put a mattress on it and slept there until we fixed the bedroom, our clothes were in bags, and we were with a 5-year-old child. We just had to vacate the apartment to save money on rent so that we would have something to invest in the repairs, and we needed money for the loan. While we lived inside, we spent our free time working on the apartment, why should I pay to have old wallpaper or old oil paint removed from the walls in the kitchen, to take out old furniture, when I can do it. But you are a great engineer, you may not want to tolerate such inconveniences, you prefer to use the conveniences of your parents. I don't think your parents are to blame, they don't have to like your wife or live with her, and you suffer from your own decisions, not theirs.
Your only fault is that you keep quiet about them and let them treat you and your wife that way. They will not stop even after you move out. You need to oppose them, set clear boundaries and impose them. Read Borders. It is best not to live with them at all. There is airbnb. Don't expect them to change after you talk to them and suddenly become understanding parents who understand, support and want the best for you, but you will certainly feel better if you limit their influence on you.
You see for yourself where the problem is and that it is not in you. Cut your parents and tell them they have no right to impose on you. Success is not measured in money and who has spent how much time abroad, but how happy a person is. If you are happy with the girl and happy with the work, then you have succeeded for yourself. They are unhappy - their problem, but they make it yours. The only failure in your life is caused by them right now. I hope you manage to somehow overcome the situation and in the last resort accommodation and tranquility better, nothing that will take a little longer to complete the repair. I wish you all the best.
And I am of the opinion of number 1. You are to blame for the mess in which you got involved. And you have no family problems when it comes to your parents, not your wife. Your family is now your wife, not your parents. Although you have lived abroad, you are clearly not independent enough yet. What would you do if you didn't have parents to live with for free? And really what is this repair that is taking so long? Once you give all your money, you should find good craftsmen who work fast. Ask them to fix a room, bathroom and kitchen in the first place. If you do the repairs yourself, take a vacation and focus entirely on it. There is no middle ground to wait months and years living with your parents, who are poisoning your family's life.
№3 Happiness is not money, but happiness built on intruding on someone else's home, accumulating bills and messing in the refrigerator of those you blame for your misfortunes, is it happiness? Will you free a room for me to live happily? I will use your refrigerator, washing machine, dryer and everything there, but you will provide your belongings and property for my happiness.
"Maybe it's all my fault. Maybe I'm too soft and uncharacteristic, but somehow I want to change that." "Yes, it's all your fault!" What else are you looking for in mom, you are already a married man. Once you have an apartment, move there immediately and continue with its renovation. You can do the repairs in stages - room by room. First, clean a place, make a lair and live happily ever after. Is there an understanding, and the floor can sleep temporarily. If there was a barracks and a soldier had gone, you would not be in that position now. Get away from your irritable parents as soon as possible.
Thanks for the comments. I accept your criticism. For the apartment, we bought it a month ago, and it is new, without parquet, plaster, tiles in the bathroom, electrical installation, running water and everything else. There were only concrete walls and a front door when we bought it. And we have been here for less than two and a half months. Until then, we had been abroad for about three years, almost four. And my problems have been accumulating for about ten years, with each call and waste of them, how they are my parents and I hardly have to obey them. That's what I did before I met my wife. They told me what time to go home, and I dutifully obeyed, because otherwise there would be anger, scandals and grumbling. Even as a student, I found a girlfriend and abandoned her because of them. Their word was the law for me. They keep muttering, how they have no money and I even gave them the card with my salary (now we also give them some of the bills and food). When my wife showed up about ten years ago, I stopped obeying them, and that's where the problems started. And before, my mother was constantly nervous, grumbling about how tired she was and how she had no money, let alone had to wash the dishes or clean, there was a revolution, she was shouting and nervous. But I took it for granted and I wasn't annoyed, I hadn't seen anything other than that. I found entertainment in the gym and levers and somehow that was enough for me. But since I met my wife and started going out more with friends (I made friends at all, because I had almost no friends until now), I realized that this is not a normal way of life at all. So over the course of those ten years,
And what is the conclusion of №7 authors? You have been living with your mother since you were born, and you have had health problems since you got married! That is, who has a bad effect on your health - your wife!