Family Absence

Hello. The story I will describe to you will certainly seem quite unrealistically shared and slightly exaggerated. I'm sure it will be difficult for you to understand me, because I think, to put it mildly, ridiculous about my age, but I am like that, unfortunately. But I'm glad that there is such a site where we can freely express what bothers or excites us, and reading your comments on other topics, I notice that you are people with good hearts, most of them striving to understand and help as you express your opinion, which is commendable. I'll start my story like this: A 19-year-old boy. As a child, I was hell-bent, understandably, because the only thing that excited us was going out with friends to play all kinds of games, to experience this "children's fun." in which my grandfather did not appear to put an end to our daily adventure, due to the late hour, and to look forward to the next day. Other than that, I didn't care to go out and play with my friends outside. Nor did my mother, father, or anyone in the family, my only thought was to go out with my friends at the time. Things have changed over the years and now we do not hear or see each other, communication is zero, but this is a completely separate topic, not subject to what I will share with you. But I started like that because that's where what we're going to talk about happened. It's about my family or, more specifically, my grandfather. I was named after him, he was the most emotional person on the day of my birth - I found out thanks to "Old School" tapes, which are rarely used nowadays or rather "erased". from new technologies. And from that day on, he was always by my side, hellishly caring, ready to do anything to do the best for his grandson. I felt this care of his precisely from those moments with this "coming off the street", but I did not take him seriously - logically, like any child. He did everything for me to make me feel as good as possible.

Gradually, over the years, I noticed that my grandfather put a lot of emphasis on alcohol. Almost every night he poured insanely, hid from us, thinking he could not see, but was visible to the naked eye. The thing that depressed me about him was that he often talked about death and that he would leave this world with the sentence, "I will not be here, next to you, to see you happy, son." He had heart problems, so he took medication, smoked and drank separately. There was no control, no .. it was sad to watch it all. Three years ago, he died ... of heart problems. It was early in the morning, before that I could not sleep all night due to a severe headache. When I found out he was dead, I was numb, just frozen with tears in my eyes. But I was expecting him and I was sorry that I could not help him stop this alcohol so as not to create additional complications. That moment completely turned my life upside down, I couldn't accept that my grandfather was gone, just the thought of not seeing him again ruined me, and I'm hellishly emotional and sensitive. I was super stunned, unbalanced wherever I went, I couldn't interrupt my school activities for a while, so I decided to keep going, but it didn't work well for me. I had no one to share this sadness with, I hid it in myself .. it was hellishly painful. I cried for days, wherever I was, I just didn't care who was looking at me, why they were looking at me, how they were reacting ... I didn't care, gram. My mother and father, I did not want to share with them how I feel and what I think, because strangely or not, we fail to understand each other on any topic, which is unfortunate for me personally, for a family. I was looking for a consultation with a psychologist who could help me in some way, but I couldn't find anyone. Three unanswered years have passed since then, and I still feel that way - shocked, stunned.

I even began to hallucinate often in people with my grandfather, for example, I see someone like him for years, suddenly imagining himself. Abnormal and unfortunate .. My grandfather was a great man, a man of example! The worries, all this love he was giving ... was something extraordinary, something no one else had done for me. He was so caring, more so than my parents .. he was a parent to me .. but my stupid head realized this fact too late. Because of this, I'm so sorry and I blame myself for being so callous and pathetic that I didn't appreciate what he was doing for me. Losing a person who loved you and would do anything for you, and you realize it only when it's too late to know ... a pain for life. It so happened that 2 months ago I met a person on the Internet, apparently at the age of my grandfather, by chance or not, I can not say. I liked him because he was damn good, understanding, sociable. I shared all this with him, he was the person to whom I decided for the first time to share my story without ceasing this radiance of my trust in this person I did not know.

Over time, I felt a hell of a lot closer to him, as if I was imagining him as my grandfather ... which, of course, will sound super filmed, but imagine - that was it. And at that moment I felt strong concern for him as if it were my grandfather. This is my story, friends. I would like to ask you whether it is normal or not what is happening to me, whether this communication from nothing with someone is normal ... whom I represent as a close person from my family? It all sounds crazy, I realize it is, but I would be happy if you read what is written and express an opinion, whether positive or negative, on the question, and overall with the story, the assessment is yours, which I would respect.

Thank you! Greetings! but imagine - that was it. And at that moment I felt a strong concern for him as if it were my grandfather. This is my story, friends. I would like to ask you whether it is normal or not what is happening to me, whether this communication from nothing with someone is normal ... whom I represent as a close person from my family? It all sounds crazy, I realize, but I would be happy if you read what is written and express an opinion, whether positive or negative, on the question, and overall with the story, the judgment is yours, which I would respect. Thank you! Greetings! but imagine - that was it. And at that moment I felt a strong concern for him, as if it were my grandfather. This is my story, friends. I would like to ask you whether it is normal or not what is happening to me, whether this communication from nothing with someone is normal ... whom I represent as a close person from my family? It all sounds crazy, I realize, but I would be happy if you read what is written and express an opinion, whether positive or negative, on the question, and overall with the story, the judgment is yours, which I would respect. Thank you! Greetings! Is this communication from nothing with someone normal ... whom I represent as a close person from my family?

It all sounds crazy, I realize it is, but I would be happy if you read what is written and express an opinion, whether positive or negative, on the question, and overall with the story, the assessment is yours, which I would respect. Thank you! Greetings! Is this communication from nothing with someone normal ... whom I represent as a close person from my family? It all sounds crazy, I realize, but I would be happy if you read what is written and express an opinion, whether positive or negative, on the question, and overall with the story, the judgment is yours, which I would respect. Thank you! Greetings!