Fake Family And Failed Life.

Hello, I will share my story with you. A child of separated parents with a stepbrother from my mother's previous marriage. Like any child, I have dreamed of a happy family and a carefree life filled with love and happiness, but dreams do not always come true. My mother, a single parent of 22 years, harassed by her previous marriage, met my father 14 years older than her with financial means and no children. Do you remember how much love there was when the action of dating, wedding, my birth and separation took place within exactly two years. Then my father left, but he continued to participate ... financially in the upbringing of me and my stepson, providing us with two apartments later. My mother, for her part, realized that there was another living thing and was just starting to live, then the money didn't spoil people. To keep my grandmother alive and healthy, she takes the baton to raise me and my brother while my mother lives her life with the financial support of my father. Well, as you can guess, there is nothing eternal, the faucet dries up and my mother starts working. I do not complain about the "material" part of my childhood, I had everything in abundance. But I don't know what influenced me more the fact that my mother preferred fun to her family, the moment when my father abandoned us or the countless other male images that have revolved around the years around my dear mother, and these are images of miracles and fairy tales. . While my father had money, I was on "mom's gold", while all the negative energy was reflected in the form of a systematic fight for good and bad on my brother. Not long after nowhere, my mother went abroad to work then I was 11 my brother was 15. Well, remember that my father did not appear as an image and fell high on my grandmother's shoulders. The woman could not cope with 2 adolescent squirrels and, accordingly, absolutely unbridled behavior ensued. I, on the other hand, was very shy, with low self-esteem and a rather quiet person.

But after puberty, things changed radically. At the age of 14 I was already systematically using alcohol and drugs, without any control, there was no one to stop me. The same was true for my brother, except that the situation there was many times worse due to the mental trauma of fighting in childhood. After 6 years, our mother returns to her native house with ... a Byzantine, another father with whom we have to share a roof. Then the misery was terrible, I was too young to work, my brother already had an advanced problem with alcohol, he gave himself all the miserable salary for drinking and gambling, my mother was looking after her lover, my father was no longer financially, my grandmother was retired, you remember. My life was filled with scandals, either from my brother or my mother, and over time I began to shiver slightly, I became emotionally disabled, I didn't believe the word I love you, I didn't believe that anyone could care about you. Forever the actions that hurt my loved ones were accompanied by the words we love you. Then I took my life into my own hands, I continued to study after high school and not long after I started working in parallel with my studies. A few more fathers passed by, the scandals deepened, my brother's alcohol degradation and nervous outbursts got worse, the quarrels over my mother's equally degraded lovers 7 years after our mother's return. And then once again my life was slapped. The girl I was with for 4 years, decided to cheat on me 14 years older than her. The pogrom is emotional. Somehow I regained consciousness, but the problems with trust and reluctance to be close to people deepened. I am already losing hope and desire for anything, my mother stopped talking nonsense, became a workaholic, helped me but left me with my brother and our already ill grandmother. My life started to get grayer and grayer, I work in two places and my head is constantly spinning negative thoughts, how will I go home and find a brother who has already started to degrade from drinking and who has already started taking drugs, half dead on the floor or asleep at the computer, my sick grandmother who can't get out of bed, the insistent conversations with my mother that my brother was drunk again and that my grandmother is slowly leaving. The fact that self-confidence, something I had achieved with great difficulty, began to go away again. I try to somehow recover and continue, but it does not occur to me how one day I will be left alone with my brother who is getting worse with each passing day. I know you can't help me, but I've always really hidden what's wrong with me and here's the place to share it. I will be glad to hear what you think.