Hello, Some time ago, in high school, I started having a relationship with a girl who the whole class didn't like because of her self-centeredness, staring at material things, self-love, and a strange sense of humor. I felt sorry for her because I knew from elsewhere that she had a difficult relationship with her family and I communicated with her mainly on daily topics. After graduation, the relationship was maintained, albeit less frequently. She gradually gained more friends, which made me happy, but some of them broke off their relationship or remained at the level of acquaintances. In my opinion, this was partly due to her questioning in detail where you are, what you do, why you do not look for her or reply to messages regularly, why you do not have time to go out for coffee / bar, why you lead such a homely lifestyle. You know that sooner or later such behavior is written and you withdraw, despite all the subsequent outbursts of "I love you, darling, you know?" (which is strange given most people's understanding of saying "I love you" between close friends). I have also been a "victim" of such attacks, but I have ignored them or given detailed explanations. Recently, this "accountability" has begun to weigh heavily on me. I mentally went back to all those moments when I was ashamed of her attitude towards taxi drivers, waiters, bartenders, salesmen; when she bragged to me in detail what things she had taken from a mall, despite my obvious boredom from such topics, at a time when she was lurking in which city I was and a passive-aggressive tirade followed. "Where are you? Why didn't you call me that are you here, could we go for coffee? "(this continues to this day), the constant nagging about what flaws I have on my face, etc. It became harder for me to explain to her that we are no longer 18 years old. with free time, that I have a family, obligations, work and I do not have extra 4 hours for a bar, provided that after such meetings "from today to tomorrow" she did not look for me for 2-3 weeks and that the meetings themselves exhaust me mentally.
More difficult and because in all attempts to explain to her normally why I can not answer calls, do not answer messages quickly or can not stay another 1 hour in the restaurant, she replied with "When a person has a desire, he finds away!". You can see for yourself that she wants to spend her free time with someone and that someone must otherwise give an account of why she is busy. But I feel sick because she's obviously lonely (she doesn't have many friends and a boyfriend / husband, does not get along with most of my colleagues), and I behave perhaps unjustifiably distant. I don't want to fight, so I took it even less often to answer calls, messages. The girl obviously doesn't understand from delicate hints and keeps stalking me where I am, calling me often, writing "Where are you ???".
Personally, I can say that this request for explanations about the current or future location finally repelled me and deliberately or I do not answer for months such questions or an outright lie. Understand, it is difficult for me to lie, as well as to delete a person so generally, without caring, because despite the simplicity, there were also happy moments. I ask for advice to all who have experienced such a situation, is there a way to finally end such a relationship without scandals? In other words, how to turn a person into "just a distant acquaintance"?
Conversations like "I don't have to give you explanations" or constantly "I'm busy" don't work because they cause bad talk, which is forgotten over time and the stalking continues in full force. Thanks!
1 cdopetrolero answered
I think you should cut her off once, since she turned out to be so selfish and only poisoned your psyche. If you don't cut it at once, it will be an endless horror for you. And you're not doing her a favor either, because she still believes she's your girlfriend. Stop all contact with her forever. Only then will it be less painless for both of you. Time heals. You don't owe her anything and she doesn't owe you anything. Friendships are such only if both parties want to join them voluntarily.