Hello, I am a 21-year-old woman and until yesterday everything in my life was well arranged and planned. I am graduating from university abroad for the second year, after a week it was assumed that I would move to my friend's city, after a 5-month relationship, try to live together and work. Let me describe myself: sometimes a little hysterical, easily attached and clinging, a little obsessed with control in their relationships, but serious, loyal, with a sense of humor, ambitious, good-looking, from a good family and self-critical, striving for improvement . At first, everyone encouraged me to stay with my partner because he was very responsive, kind, and well-meaning. 5 months later this same man became extremely nervous, constantly complaining, unable to have a normal conversation, in which everyone to present their arguments and take the best compromise solution. In the morning he repeated how much he loved me, and in the evening, after another misunderstanding, he talked about breaking up. We began to unconsciously irritate each other and put negative emotions. I was irritated by his lack of character, indecision, lack of sense of humor and desire for self-improvement. And him - I guess my negative qualities listed above, but sometimes even when I had good intentions, it also irritated him. Here's what happened in a nutshell: I got test results that showed that I had mild dysplasia and was at risk for cervical cancer, and I lost my temper. I called him and explained that it was probably something from him and he should be examined, because I do regular tests and before him I was always in excellent health. He accordingly began to defend himself fiercely and to deny it, given that there was no real evidence that he was in good health. (It's a symptom-free viral infection.) I was very upset and hoped for a little support, but we had another scandal. After 1 hour we heard each other again, he was drunk and a radically different version of the patient, smiling man I know. He admitted that he had fallen for a colleague, that he missed his ex, that he had lied to me about so many things, some of them so small, that he couldn't stand me, but he wasn't brave enough to end it. In the morning this same man explained himself to me in love and in a week we would be living together. My question is why? Will I be cured? Is it my fault or does he have a problem with himself, who is a consequence of his complexes and his unhappy childhood and earns it for me? How can I overcome shock, frustration and avoid such situations in the future? Thanks!
1 jillmdillard answered
I'm sorry for everything that happened to you. I will not go into explanatory modes, I will only advise you the following: Heal yourself. Even if he is not your man, you deserve to be a healthy, happy and one day mother. Good luck, head up and follow your happiness.