A few months ago, my father died suddenly while I was abroad. He had health problems because of alcohol, but he never wanted to be treated, he hated hospitals. My relationship with him was not warm, for a reason. For years, under the influence of alcohol, my mother was physically and mentally harassed, and I witnessed all the scandals. He never touched me. The years passed, with age he became worse, he became skin and bones, he did not eat, respectively he was not the same person, he had no strength for anything but to go to the toilet. He was warm to me, he always hugged me, I was cold, I didn't want to talk to him much, I didn't think I had anything to say to him. When I found out he was dead, I took him badly, I know I couldn't forgive him a lot, but I still cried ... I was sad because I felt guilty about my behavior before I left. Because I knew he wasn't a bad person, but alcohol made him so.
I've been dreaming of him ever since he died. It's been every night lately. Sometimes dreams are strange - in some of them he seems to be given a second chance in life, and I try to make him change.
It's not like I think about him every day. I had a period when I was so absorbed in my own problems and torments (depression and anxiety) that I didn't think about my father. And yet I dream it. Does that mean anything?
Answers 3
1
anny_cox answered · July 10, 2020
Give it to God to forgive his name, waffle desserts, etc.
2
hyalgreen answered · July 10, 2020
My relationship with my father is similar, and I also live abroad. He made wheat for my mother, my brother, and hell for me, and he also beat and harassed me a lot. For him, that was good manners. And he always drank, as did his father, whom I don't know, but I've heard he was a great tyrant. My father has a terrible temper and in addition to alcohol he becomes simply intolerant. However, I know that he loves me in his own way. Our relationship is bad, we rarely hear from each other, and he is already old and I am afraid that one day the same thing will happen. Maybe then I won't be able to forgive myself that we broke up badly, but he's just not someone he can communicate with normally. It is true that we do not choose our parents, but they do not deserve our respect by presumption, they should deserve it. So don't blame yourself, it's normal to be sad, he's still your father, but it's not your fault. Everyone gets the attitude they deserve.
3
crazy_korean answered · July 10, 2020
Light a candle for me, visit his grave if you haven't gone