Education

   Ha the author wrote 4 questions, the answer and explanations of which require a novel in several volumes. But in principle it is not right to educate with fighting and shouting. The methods of upbringing are terribly many and are applied depending on the age of the child and the amount of accumulated morality in him, for example, if you are a foster parent of a 10-year-old gypsy, you can hug him and talk to him gently while he literally spits phlegm in your face. he does not understand Bulgarian and wants to run away begging, stealing / pickpocketing / and breathing glue. Depending on the type of fight and the reason for the fight, it can be judged whether the parent is bad, you can't compare slapping the ass of a five-year-old who doesn't understand the word "can't" and goes to the store to buy him something illogical, for example "sweetened salt ", with a fight with a belt on the naked for four in the fifth grade.

   I am №1. There was a story that I will try to tell you very briefly. A king was walking among the people disguised, a child's cry was heard from a yard, he looked at the king, a man was beating his child. The king calls the father and asks him why you are beating your son, the father answers because he constantly makes me angry and asks me for things that I cannot give him. The king said that if the father could not give what his son asked for, it was the father's fault that he was not doing well, not the child. After a long dispute, the king decided to prove his thesis, as the father had to pretend to be the king's son for a month, and if he managed to anger him, he would be forgiven for being his child. That said, for a whole month the man tried to anger the king in every way, he wanted clothes of gold and precious stones, he wanted roasted deer for lunch, and fruits of which it was not their season, but the king's servants still succeeded in carrying out the order. On the last day the king and his "son" sat down for breakfast, the man ordered a glass of milk, the servants, astonished by the normal order, immediately fulfilled it, but the man asked to put two handfuls of sugar in the milk, they put a stir, he bit and said very sweet take the sugar out of the milk, the servants immediately offered to change the milk, but the man refused, claiming that he wanted the same milk but in front of him on the table to take out the sugar so it was not so sweet, the servants could not fulfill this wish, the man crashed to the floor in the air that he wants the same milk, but to take out the sugar, in the end the king got angry and realized that sometimes there is a reason to hit a child who deliberately makes you nervous.

   Number 2, a very stupid story. Read several books on emotional and social intelligence. You also visit a psychologist, you can even be a psychiatrist. It is high time for people like you to admit that they are damaged and start treating their mental disorders. And most importantly: understand that no matter what stories you write, you will not receive approval, understanding, consent, support for hitting and any kind of aggression of children at all, not from mentally healthy and stable people.

   Well, when I started working abroad in a garden and I saw something very interesting. In my childhood I heard don't do this, you can't, not now and then they slapped me. Here when they tell you please don't do something they explain to you as a big man why you shouldn't do it and it works. They do it without screaming nerves and tension and the most interesting thing is that then the children control each other and explain to each other what will happen and why something should not be done. This method does not work in rare situations, when the children are from very simple foreign families, then they are just super impudent or slimy.

   There is nothing normal about attacking the weak and defenseless. What forms of upbringing? You show him boundaries and support him in everything that is within the boundaries (which is not dangerous for him). When, figuratively speaking, he mixes up the contact, I tell him: "I'm afraid for you, the contact can say BOOMING and it hurts." That is, I tell the child the truth itself, instead of shouting "Abe, were you crazy, don't touch there !!!". A 2-year-old child understands perfectly when we are not lying to him. They understand our emotions from babies. When a child hurts us, we don't need to pretend to be strong. When he sees that it hurts, he does not repeat. People who hit their children are definitely not good parents, but they know it. However, they do not care to read how it is done or ask for advice from a pedagogue, psychologist and so on. Or to secure their home, to make it safe for children. They say, "I have to beat him, it's for his own good." Yes, children also have nerves and they can't stand it sometimes, they start screaming, trying to hit and the like. It always works to talk to them slowly and calmly, or to give them an alternative vent, or to leave them alone for a while without talking to them, without asking them for anything. They also learn to regulate themselves. Anyone who wants a non-violent upbringing will take the time to find out how. Parenting is not an innate skill, it is learned. without asking anything from them. They also learn to regulate themselves. Anyone who wants a non-violent upbringing will take the time to find out how. Parenting is not an innate skill, it is learned. without asking anything from them. They also learn to regulate themselves. Anyone who wants a non-violent upbringing will take the time to find out how. Parenting is not an innate skill, it is learned.

   And I was brought up with fighting and screaming Nothing work!

   I was also very pleased, especially my mother. And I wasn't very naughty, just my mother had thyroid problems and got mad at the smallest detail, and then she beat me. She beat me on the buttocks with the handle of a knife, grabbed the blade with her fingers and beat me with the handle, the effect was almost like a whip and turned blue. For a moment he almost broke my arm because I staggered from the blow and landed on the headboard of my bed. He was shouting at me, for example, because I inadvertently dropped a letter in a word. Or that I let a child play with my toy. By the time of puberty, my thyroid gland improved and left me alone. Then my father got drunk and he started doing some nonsense. In the end, when I was 15-16, they both whipped me abroad and, thank God, left me to live alone, as the first year my aunt, who was supposed to look after me, also suffered and began to accuse me of some things she had invented. For example, once there was a TV prophylaxis and she accused me of breaking the TV and making an unimaginable scandal that lasted all day. And then when they turned on the TV, she didn't even apologize to me, and in her mind I was still the bad guy. I can't say what effect it had on me then and now as an adult. I just don't know what I would be like if there weren't such excesses. Still, I can share this and that. Definitely my aunt is the person I hate the most in the world and even when I was 18-20 I was seriously considering murder. I studied the area where she lives, planned how to wait for her, where I would run away, what time she was at work and how to erase the traces, etc. I seriously considered every detail. But for me, murder alone was not enough punishment for what he did to me. I won't go into detail about what he did to me for a year, but not many people would tolerate such jokes. My parents didn't care and said they couldn't help me from a distance and I had to take care of myself. So I considered not just murder, but a slow and painful death. In the end, I was stopped only by the fact that I was at risk of being caught and ruining my life. I chose to return it to her later, as I was convinced that life would provide me with a better and safer way. Eventually, she later contracted cancer, died in hellish torment, and alone, even a daughter, and did not look at her in the last moments. I got some perverted pleasure out of it. So I didn't get my hands dirty, I got what I deserved. As for my parents, I still don't have a good opinion of them. But the reasons are different. My big problem is that I find it difficult to communicate. I trust almost no one but my wife. I trust her 100%. I don't need who knows how many people in my life. My people become disliked for the slightest thing. There is some anxiety in me permanently. I am over-ambitious. Otherwise, I dare say that I am relatively successful. I have had a very successful marriage for 10 years now. My daughter adores me. As a parent, I am the complete opposite of my mother. It's hard for me to be strict, it's even a little too much, because sometimes it spoils and becomes sensitive. I am too soft a parent. Even her mother, who has a rather mild character, is perceived as a stricter parent. I love her terribly and I am too gentle with her. In terms of career, I'm doing pretty well, I'm making good money, I have a prestigious job, I am educated, I am intelligent, I am a workaholic. People describe me as a terribly responsible person who can be relied on once he has promised something. I am also honest to the point of pain. Anyone who knows me knows that I will never steal, cheat, etc., even if I die hungry. However, I am also too serious and introverted and women have never liked me. Thank God that my wife managed to see the man with the pure mentality of the child before the beatings and the terror behind the image of a man who was too serious and introverted, I would say even a gloomy man. I love her and the moment I saw her, I knew she was my wife. I always wondered what I would be like if I hadn't been through hell with my aunt and if my mother hadn't beaten me so badly. Alas, I have no answer to these questions. But I believe that God sent me everything on purpose,

   Everything is very relative and has its limits, sometimes it is necessary to be firm, other times it is not, it depends on many factors, everything is strictly individual and we act according to the situation.

   The Old Testament of the Bible in Proverbs 13:24 says, "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him in his season." Don't take it literally. The father must somehow influence his son's consciousness that the son must respect his father's advice. If something is forbidden to him, it means that the son should not do it. The son must have a little fear of his father as he grows up and already begins to understand what is good and what is bad. On the other hand, many children, especially boys, but also girls, do not feel any respect or fear from their mothers and do whatever they want, even in public places.

   Respect is a two-way street and cannot be produced by force, but only with respect for the child. How else will he learn what respect is? If you think a child respects you because he doesn't want to be slapped, well, he doesn't respect you, he's afraid of you. One day, however, you will be old and weak, and stronger, and then you will wait for him to call you for Christmas, at least, and you will curse him for being ungrateful. But in 41 years of my life I have not seen a person grateful for the violence committed against him.