I have to tell someone, I just can't stand keeping this secret ... and I don't have the courage to admit everything in real life, so I'm writing here, anonymously, hoping you can help me in some way. I searched the internet and it was not difficult to diagnose immediately - Munchausen's Syndrome or in other words I am a big 17-year-old liar desperately looking for attention. To explain this is a kind of rare mental illness in which you pretend to be ill - the exact description for me! Now I will tell you how this brought me to the insane asylum ... It all started harmlessly when I was somewhere in the second grade and I decided that I wanted to wear glasses. I pretended not to see well and my mother took me to see an ophthalmologist, and everyone said there was no reason not to see. They did all kinds of research on me, and that was fun. Now that doesn't matter at all, so I will not tell in detail. Only where because of this stupidity of mine I damaged my eyes from the unnecessary wearing of glasses, that now my diopter is already 3. Then I wanted to have my arm plastered to attract attention. I deliberately fell and did everything but without success. I was still young, I hadn't even reached puberty yet. I accidentally broke my arm when I fell on the ice rink. All this is nothing compared to what happened last year. I am generally interested in psychology and I like to read a lot on this topic. Once, as I was reading about some mental disorders, I came across bipolar disorder and I thought I had some of the symptoms. I immediately decided that I wanted to go to a psychiatrist to diagnose me and prescribe treatment. But I thought maybe everything was normal and I looked stupid, so I read everything about this disorder and embellished the truth to such an extent that it became a completely different story. I exaggerated everything to the maximum, I made up various things and so on. However, the psychiatrist slightly suspected that something was wrong, because I spoke more with learned phrases from the Internet. I am very thin and she focuses on my weight. He said I had a serious problem and referred me urgently to a child psychiatrist. I went. So far so good, but one day I decided I wanted to go into psychiatry. It just became a fixed idea for me. Well, that's what happened (from what I've said so far, you think I'm right there, you're right, but that's just the beginning). No one in the hospital suspects I'm pretending. The more nonsense I told and did, the more attention I received from doctors, nurses, patients. This encouraged me to invent more and more. I lied, that I hear voices, that I see ghosts, that I talk to them, that they threaten me, that they watch me with cameras, that they steal my thoughts and a lot of nonsense. I hurt myself, I even tried to kill myself, of course unsuccessfully, but I attracted attention. I did perfectly, considering that as a child I went to theatrical art for 3 years. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. I was in the hospital twice in about a month. I finally realized how ridiculous everything is and decided not to lie anymore! There was no way to tell the truth, but I just promised myself not to invent anything more. I'd rather take pills for the mentally ill than admit it. I have a strategy - now, when I go for an examination, I say that I am fine and the doctor reduces the medication. There were many, but now there are only 3. In a year, if everything goes according to plan, I will stop them too. And here comes the problem. I'm on the verge of ruining everything. I am thirsty again for the previous attention and care, the desire to enter the hospital arises again. I suppress it, but ... for how long? I find myself starting to invent again. I have to stop! This is a dead end. There's nothing I can do. Admittedly, it's just not in my power, and even if it was - who will believe me? Everyone will tell themselves that I deny just as all the mentally ill deny, and after everything I've played so well who will believe it was just a lie - no one! People, I have no one but you to ask for help on what to do. I know it's my fault and I have to bear the consequences, but I can't. I want to kill myself - really, this time not for attention, but for salvation from everything. Please just don't judge me, as I said it's a disease, just a disease that even has a name. At least I'm not the only one ... Thank you for listening to me! What I shared with you helped me feel better. I will be happy for any comment. Thanks!
1 panther75 answered
What happened - happened. Everyone does different nonsense to get attention or to stand out in someone's eyes. Honestly, many teenagers would pretend to be sick to impress a certain person they like. But to play such a theater that even to enter the insane asylum is too much. Plus, think about how the doctors look at you, how they sympathize with you, do their best to keep you healthy, and in the end it's all a lie that only you know. My advice is to find a psychologist, not a psychiatrist, but a psychologist who is far from all this mess and to tell him everything, the whole truth and without making it up. If you have to write what you have to tell him without ornaments without exaggeration and without pretense. Even if you tell a lie, apologize and correct yourself. Psychologists are great people, they listen to you and they point you in the right direction. Remember that you are not crazy, most importantly you are healthy. Imagine those who are really schizophrenics dreaming of being healthy, and you who are healthy are poisoned with these pills. Tighten up and take yourself in hand and remember that there is nothing better than being as healthy as you really are.