It's as if I wrote it - absolutely the same is with me. Choose a situation in which to show strength and position to stop dealing with you. If you do not, they will crush you. Make sure everything is within the law without unnecessary emotions and anger, because they will fail you. They already comply with me and do not take quarrels. This is the nature of the Bulgarian slum-considers the good man to be weak. And he understands only from the tree. justice, keep in mind that you are becoming incredibly strong. The universe has the intelligence to understand you. Just when you think you are alone, then you are most strongly accompanied.
Many people confuse kindness with uncharacteristic. It seems to me that you are one of them. Kindness does not always mean agreeing and trying to please everyone. Good doesn't mean you don't have to be critical.
Usually people like you have a very strong need to be liked by everyone. You have probably often felt rejected and unwanted in your life. You think that by fulfilling everyone's wishes, they will like you, and you are afraid that if you stop, they will abandon you. But as you can see, people don't like you, and you're actually only attracting users.
To be liked, you have to be respected. For this you have to show personality, have an opinion and criteria that you hold dear. You need to know when to be good and when to act firmly. Your actions should not be driven by a desire to please yourself. You should not react badly because you have not received what you want and you have not tried to undermine others by hurting your ego. Build clear principles and act on them.
It is entirely up to you to change your misconceptions. If you do, your world will be completely different.
Cowardice is not synonymous with kindness.
My grandfather used to say "Do good and throw it into the sea"
If you notice your goodness, then you are not a good person. Good people don't expect anything in return and don't tease like you about excursions or restaurants with your boyfriend.
You are a hypocrite in front of yourself. You live well and you do and give things that you cannot swallow. That is why you are heavy and irritated.
If you can't give, don't give. It is elementary. You will be clean in front of you like that
You can buy a coffee for your boyfriend a year, but do it with your heart!
I have also thought a lot about this question and I think the answer is YES. Especially the unhappy and angry people. I don't know if you have any idea how sad people are and even they don't realize it. When a person is in such a state and fails to fight back and covers it up with anger. Anger can be towards oneself and others. Such people hate the happy ones or those who at least try to fight their sadness, and not to put it on others. All my life I have suffered from the fact that I do not want to participate in intrigues and conspiracies, I have no interest in harming others. On the other hand, a lot of harm has been done to me by all kinds of people. That is, being good, not full of hatred, is a difficult task, but it does not mean that you have to give up and pretend to be someone you are not. Carefully choose the environment and the people around you. Bad energy is easily transmitted.
I was like that, even worse. So good, so naive that I believed in love at first sight and that people want to be your true friends. I behaved well with absolutely everyone. And what happened, super intrigues, betrayals from so-called friends, laughter behind my back, one dragged me with a lot of money, and the women were making fun of me. And then one day I sat down with myself and promised myself to change. And I changed, I changed everything from my appearance to my behavior and thinking. I lost everyone in my life. And just then, paradoxically, but in fact they began to respect me, just then I felt that they were speaking sincerely, even with a slight fear of me. There was no hint of sarcasm or ridicule.
They didn't wait for me to leave to make me laugh. I lost all such people and the questions began about what was happening to me.
I'll tell you who I'm good with. With the old people, with my family and a few other relatives. And a few people I've known for 10 years. I am kind to everyone else, but not naive and I make it clear at the beginning that I can't stand fucking.
Unfortunately, this is exactly the case in my life. The better I am, the more I am crushed. I'm not saying it's universal for all people, but for me it's a fact. Nowadays, kindness is considered a weakness, especially among women.
It is precise because of what you describe and for better or worse I started a new life, financially very difficult, but if it is said I will soon achieve what I want. At least I'm not depressed
It's great that there are still good people like you. Unfortunately, almost no one appreciates kindness. It is not worth worrying about the opinion of such people. :)
Someone usually says "why people are like that". When he says "why the world is like that" he means. And when he says he means his own environment, and when he says he means the neighborhood in which he lives. That's what I noticed. So change your environment, my friend. If there are idiots in your environment, you have chosen that environment. This does not mean that there are no good, educated and intelligent people elsewhere.
You're a little depressed, man, but that's normal considering what you described. After all, we humans are animals - some more primitive, others like you - on a higher level. There is nothing wrong with that, the bad thing is that the mass of people is one of the first. I will give you advice from personal experience - if you are a good person, you make good decisions - do not let anyone hesitate you to make the decisions you think are right, no matter who he is. Be decisive and do it your way. In animal nature, there are some terms "alpha" and "beta". I guess you know who's fine, and as I mentioned, we're animals. Take advantage of being at a higher level than others.
It is very harmful to suppress one's emotions. Why are you doing this? Tell and show people your character and how you feel.
Author, everyone loves kindness, but what you expect is neither logical nor normal. You have done good to someone, you expect retribution, that is your problem. If a person is going to do good, it must be free, or more precisely, free of charge.
And what do you do, you took your girlfriend on trips, to restaurants and cinemas, but you expect her to pay you, pretending not to notice your flaws and it turns out that you took her with you, you paid the expenses to you pay her to last you. Instead of appreciating that she actually agreed to accompany you to the events described above and make you happy with your presence next to you, you appreciate what you have given for her. And if she had paid for her movie ticket, for example, would you have accepted that she had the right to point out your shortcomings? Or if she had refused to come with you on a field trip, what would she have thought?
Is it possible that you do not give her the right to do the right thing? In order to be your friend, you think that she should accompany you and make you happy with her presence, if she refuses she will be bad, if she pays the ticket then she does not respect you as a gentleman and a man next to her, but if she accepts your invitation after is it bound to glorify you that you gave money for her part of the pleasure? Think about which is more important to you, the money you paid for the movie or the fact that she was in the next chair in your arms? And quite honestly you paid for the movie ticket, and she gave you her presence next to you, she gave you the opportunity to see a few more of her smiles up close, she gave you the opportunity to inhale her scent, to look into her eyes, she gave you is an opportunity to see her emotions from watching the movie, if there were tears, why do you think she still owes you?
You expect the same thing from your colleagues to pay you well. Do you consider them obliged to act in the right way, just because you once supported them at your request, or because you apologized at your discretion?
If you ask yourself the question "Do people hate kindness?" so the time has come for you to realize that kindness in itself pays off, and you don't need the people you treated well to pay you. That is, the kindness that a person does makes him feel good, makes him happy, makes him feel happy, right now and immediately after he has done it, and it is not fair to want to be paid again with the right behavior in your opinion.
If you give a person in need money or a gift you feel useful, which makes you feel good, you do not need him to show you or prove his gratitude.
Or here I am at 5.30 this morning I pay attention to you, I read your problem, I think about it, I try to help you look at things from above, not just from your own angle and believe me I do not expect retribution, I have no problem if you decide to look for me flaws, I have no problem even if you do not pay attention to me, because I am completely satisfied with the fact that I tried to help,
People do not hate kindness.
People don't appreciate it.
People value you as they lose.
Go to the gym ... and you will understand.
It's not fashionable to be good, it's not exactly hate, it's not functional, and it doesn't quote with everyday life I would say. My life is monotonous, neither good nor bad happens, in fact if something happens it is bad and is over the years, my parents' life is guaranteed, I can not even work with small compromises and I will still be ok and still not I am happy and I am on a similar path as you, every day is like the previous one. I don't have a girlfriend by the way. Most people are simple souls.
Being good is the easiest thing to do. It is difficult to stand up for yourself, to have an opinion, to be a person. It's hard to understand that not everyone should like you and admit that you don't like everyone either. It is difficult to express your emotions, it is easy to suppress them. It's hard to take responsibility, it's easy to say you're a victim and everyone is against you. It's hard to say what you don't like because it shows that you are aware of the problem and prompts you to take action. It is easy to keep quiet, not to act, to pretend that everything is fine and finally to call this good upbringing, tact, kindness. It's hard to admit that you want to, that you claim to deserve it. It's easy to pretend you don't have them, to hope others guess, and then to be disappointed in them. It is difficult to tell a joke at the risk of no one understanding you, it is easy not to take risks and to be silent like a stump.
But, do you know what is the most difficult - to be happy, but to give all the responsibility for your happiness to the external conditions. To think that if the girlfriend was different, if the colleagues were different, you would be different. And this is nonsense. And to change them, if you continue to try to be the way they approve of you, instead of being a person, people will again not respect you, trust you and like you. Because instead of a person on the spot, they see something that changes and adjusts to fit. Instead of sincerity, they get what they want to hear, instead of opposition, they get silence (because, above all, you are very polite), and this is not the meaning of the relationship. It is simply absolutely impossible to be good to everyone and not be a hypocrite. And people feel it and it repulses them. The other thing that repulses is the constant imputation of guilt "I care about your happiness, you don't care about mine, I know your needs, you don't know mine, I'm always on a date, you can't be relied on." But when did you take care of your happiness to see how. Or he was busy sacrificing for me and waiting for me to figure it out. When did you show me your needs, or did you show me that you didn't have them? When did you show me that your time is precious, or did you show me how everyone deserves it more than you? Did he show me when my behavior was unacceptable, or did he allow it and forgive me? And do you forgive me out of kindness or out of fear that if you don't accept me, I will leave, that if you make me try, I will give up on you? How do I know how much you deserve when you act like you don't deserve anything? To love you instead of you, to take care of you instead of you, to approve you instead of you, to be happy with you instead of you to be happy with yourself?
I know how you think about yourself - I am good, calm, patient, I am not someone capricious, I have no requirements, I accept people as they are, I do not offend, I support, I help, I love, I care, I sacrifice. But, how about this: I'm not good, but I need approval. If I were so good, I would be good to myself. I am not patient, but cowardly, because if I do not tolerate, I have to change, and I am afraid. I have claims and requirements, but I do not believe that it is worth the effort. I don't think that if I set the bar high, someone would push for me. Therefore, I push hard and make great efforts to satisfy people, to do them favors, even without asking me. That's how I become valuable. The truth is, I am not valued for what I am, but for what I do for people. And if I don't, I'm not valuable. There are people who are valuable only with their presence and when they enter they illuminate the whole room, I can't get so much adoration and continuity with thousands of actions. I forgive everything. Not because I am noble, but because I am afraid of being left alone. And in fact, I do not forgive anything, but I add a forgiveness to your obligations to me. Everyone has the right to be himself and I will accept him as he is, but if I am as I am and if I tell myself everything and if I do what I want I will not be accepted.
If what is written impresses you and if you are ready to admit at least to yourself, you have a great chance to be a very happy person someday.
I would love feedback if you judge and I would focus your work on myself.
Goodness for one is one thing, for another. Do good and throw it into the sea. Kindness is not a bargaining chip. You really are not good if you expect the same in return. But if someone abuses you, slaps you emotionally, drags you with money, girlfriend, boyfriend: you keep going and you pass.
And I'm in a situation like an author and ... He 1. I don't know what he said so much, but when I read it I got goosebumps. Maybe I was a little happier and relieved.
There is a difference between true goodness and false goodness, which comes from low self-esteem and the desire to please others. You have been told above - this is how you become a victim and activate the predatory instincts of the people around you. It's all on an unconscious level, but that's just the way things work.
When I see a "good guy" like you, I really have to use all my inner strength not to treat him / her like a sole. When you crawl at someone's feet, you can't get respect.
Think about why you want to be "good"? Result of upbringing, inner need or do you think that this is what society expects from you?
Personally, I am a person who has never been interested in what others think when I want to do something and I do not give in to manipulation. They mostly come from relatives or women - "I know you don't want to, but do it for me", "do the right thing", "don't expose me", etc. Sounds familiar, doesn't it?
It's better to be alone than with fake friends and a boyfriend-user. When the fear that you will lose this or that, or that you will be left alone, disappears, then you will be free to be who you really are and to show your potential.
I don't understand why on this site, when someone complains that he is doing something for people, and they respond with ingratitude, some comments like that start.
- "but you are falsely good"
- "but when you say you're good, you're not good"
- "but you are cowardly and almost a mold"
- "why do you want gratitude in return"
Well, I don't know a person who would do good and not be disappointed if he was answered with ingratitude and intrigue, no matter how much he expects nothing in return. The man was taken out by the sludge that he took his girlfriend on vacation, and she fucked him.
I'm sure that if she had written the story, you would have spat at her as a whore, and made the man unjust.
I have deliberately written my story for the second time from ch. the other in the story and the result was spitting in both cases on which he wrote the current story. It was a catastrophe, some may remember.
22- good and evil are extremely subjective concepts and the fact that someone thinks he is very good does not automatically make him good for others.
I don't know really good people who give without asking for anything in return. They are all complete egotists.
In general, my philosophy is not to give or help, because that means taking away the other person's ability to deal with their problem on their own. When I was younger I helped, but the result was always deplorable. The reason is that you can't help anyone if they don't help themselves.
You obviously identified with the author and went into the same victim mode, because you would prefer to be sympathized with, to be told, "Ah, your poor thing, you are so good, you help so much, and people are so bad; your head is up" and such candied nonsense. But they will not help the author, nor those like him. Either you take your life in your hands and make every effort to provide for yourself - both materially and mentally, or you will be unhappy because you have placed yourself independence on the non-existent kindness of others.
23, being subjective concepts, why did you immediately question his kindness? I do not agree that anyone who encounters ingratitude is bad, because you see you expected something in return. It is normal for you to be pleased when they return kindness with kindness, and when you return goodness with bad, you are unpleasant. There is hardly a man who rejoices that he is reciprocated with a bad kindness.
I'm not saying that the author is bad or good, I'm just weird by your logic and the fact that you understood him as a mold just because he was disappointed that they didn't return the favor. I guess you will be very pleased to do someone a favor and then he will intrigue you (for example). Well, I do not agree with your criteria for kindness.
You can't ask someone to be tolerant of intrigue and ingratitude, and that's interpreted as bad. At least you would have specified that it is not good by your criteria, not in principle. Because for me, that doesn't make it bad. You are in a hurry with various epithets, without knowing the person. He wrote two lines and it was bad.
By this logic, since we should not expect goodness, we should not rejoice if we are reciprocated.
24 - if he himself had not questioned it first and we would not write comments now and evaluate it, because he would not post the topic at all. The very fact that he fasted means that he doubts whether his behavior is correct.
I personally do not demand anything from anyone, least of all from the author, nor do I think it is bad. I just give him sample reasons why people treat him disrespectfully.
I do not do good things and services and no one wants to make fake ones for me, because only I know what is best for me. Many times it has happened to me that people do things for me that I did not want, and on top of that they expect gratitude and a similar attitude from me. This borders on audacity.
As for the criteria, it should be clear that everyone writes from their own point of view and not from that of the neighbor.
At 24 I want to tell you why I support 23 and I gave you a negative vote. First, because 23 nowhere said that the author is bad. Secondly, because it is not normal for a person, if he has decided to do good, to expect anything at all, because to do good is his own decision, which cannot oblige other people to act in any way. Third, no one wanted the author to be tolerant of intrigue, but as far as is clear, the service he did to a colleague was not requested, it may even have been unwanted.
Often around the world, people who think of themselves as saints do unsolicited goods that are perceived negatively by their recipient, and this is normal. Because the judgment of the "good man" was wrong, he was wrong that the recipient of the good needs the good, needs help, advice or a lawyer.
In general, if a person expects kindness, it is most normal to say it out loud, "I need something." However, doing unsolicited good is not normal, because you are more likely to make the mistake that the person is seeking your help. You can only do unsolicited good to your parents and brothers because you know them best.
The author
Haha, with this topic I answered the question I am asking.
I do good and behave correctly because I expect the same. What is your problem? And what do you see wrong with that? Of course, I do good so that there is good against me. Isn't that the point of fair relations between people? Once I get to the point where I notice it, even if I comment on it in front of an anonymous auditor on a website, then more is happening than it should be. Disgusting things happened to me that I ignored and accepted and did nothing to these people.
You what? Do you do good and then rejoice when you are fucked? That's enough - hahaha. I do good and I expect the same because I want good relationships in my work environment. Not malice, intrigue and spitting behind your back. Isn't that the point ... pitiful thugs ... Some of you are strong when there is a weak against you. It makes sense not to do to people what you don't want them to do to you.
No, I'm not a sweetheart and I'm not cowardly. I'm strong enough, both physically and mentally, to crush anyone who causes me problems, but I don't want to do it. I don't see the point in such things, because that's not what humans do to us.
I don't do good for myself to reap dividends. And I do it for the common good.
My opinion was confirmed that people are already nasty freaks who like to watch someone get sick. And even if there is someone as good as me, he is forced to become like them in order to survive. I'll tell you again ... I can physically crush anyone I was referring to in my topic, but I don't see the point, because that doesn't make us humans, but primates. And we are human beings and we must do good at every moment when we are given such an opportunity.
Don't be mean wretches. Because you will not get far.
Author, don't make excuses, you are bad and cowardly. :)
It was sarcasm, if you didn't understand. Apparently, there are only good Samaritans and strong-spirited people on this site who do good for sports and don't care if they are reciprocated.
And so as not to be unsubstantiated, I will set an example with my mother. She and my father have been abroad for a long time. Years ago, my cousin lost his job in Bulgaria and could not find one. My mother asked me to take him abroad, find him a job and shelter him for a while, because there was no money. He even sent him money for the trip.
No matter how he sheltered him, he took care of institutions, etc., because he didn't even know the language. She also gave him money on loan up to the first salary, which he never repaid, and even some days she did not go to work herself to be replaced by him and to earn some extra money to get back on her feet. This shelter lasted for several years, during which he did not pay the rent.
In the end he moved out. After a while, my father got drunk and started beating my mother, and one night in the middle of the night he drove her out into the street beaten. She called him in the middle of the night asking him to take her in because she just had nowhere to go, no money in her, and she was scared. And do you know what the cousin answered? I do not want problems and hung up.
So how do you think my mother should have felt? He had to say "well, the big leek that I've been wearing on my back for a few years doesn't have to help me"?
Come on, answer my question honestly. You wouldn't expect help in her place, are you trying to tell me that? Honest answers, please?
28, there is a big difference between expectations and reality. Your cousin has been on your mother's head for the past few years. She acted humanely, but if he was correct he would return the money to her and pay part of the rent. How he did not shelter her, in the end, is, of course, ugly, and one day fate will return to him. But it is another proof that he is not correct, to put it mildly. There were indications in those years when he was lying on your mother's back.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who do bad things and then say - Abe, nothing happened, calm down, don't worry. I hate such people the most.
28 - as I said above, I do not do good, so I can not be disappointed if someone does not help me. I don't want to be helped, is that clear enough? Apparently you, the good Samaritans, do not understand that your good is evil to the other.
I wouldn't shelter my cousin, I haven't lent money in a long time. I believe that everyone is obliged to deal with their own problems.
And the author suddenly turned from a benefactor into an aggressor, who now
will beat us all (what will happen if some of us are bots, ha - cool non-existent limbs will fly), which only confirms my thesis that he has entered a victim mode, and from such a position can easily turn into an aggressor. After all, both states are two sides of the same thing.
Author - I don't care that you feel bad, in fact you don't care about me at all, I can't have such a person in my environment, because I don't respect individuals like you.
There is no such thing as a common good. Apparently you have not learned a lesson from the emotional slaps you have eaten and you want to continue living the same way in the hope that something may change. The choice is yours. I just didn't understand why you were writing a topic in which you wanted advice, only to spit on everyone who tried to give a constructive opinion. This is a waste of time for both parties. Of course, you may have just decided to pour out your aggression here and then take to the streets and do something else that no one has asked you to do. And then you may cry that no one is calling you.
33, not bad - that's how you judge, that's what you do. I just don't understand why you expect people to think like you, that you even allow yourself to accuse the author of false goodness. Your comment is malicious.
34 - Did I say somewhere that I expect others to be like me? As for the author's false kindness, he himself confirmed it by saying that he was doing good because he expected it to return to him. This is pure trade.
Whether my comment is malicious or not has nothing to do with the topic.
The fact is that the author is dissatisfied with his life and the people around him. I do not have such problems, so in this case it is pointless to comment on me. Not that you can't do it, of course.
35, you're used to spitting at the author at first, no matter what the story, as most here do. Now you justify the woman that she doesn't owe him, but if the woman had written the story and said "he did so many things for me, but then I intrigued him out of gratitude", then you would spit on her.
It's not a trade, it's a good relationship, as long as the other party can evaluate them, you can't understand that.
By your logic, relationships are trade and marriage is trade, and relationships with your children are trade. There is a difference between giving BGN 5 for cheese and doing a favor / good.
And you have no problems now, but you will die like a cuckoo with that thinking. Now you are young and it is wide around your neck and you think that you do not need anyone, but we will see you in the old days, squatting what song you will sing.
38 - I am neither young (I am even relatively old), nor have I mentioned the author's wife anywhere.
And yes - of course I prefer to die alone, instead of surrounded by "benefactors" like you, where they will poison my last hours.
Marriage is the same trade and is done mainly for the purpose of procreation. Love is nowhere to be found - there is only jealousy and a sense of ownership.
Children are a product of their parents' inability to make sense of life on their own. I don't know a woman who could logically explain to me why she wants children so much. Everything is at the level of animal instincts or pressure from society.
As for the cheese and the money - I prefer to give BGN 5 and buy cheese, instead of receiving services from people like you, who will then expect the same from me. The mechanisms of trade are clear and fair - it is done with the consent of both parties. And the author, as far as I understand, does good deeds that no one wanted and then expects such an attitude. It's like the gypsies at the French stations, where they explain to you how to get somewhere (without asking them at all) and then reach out for money.
39, for a person who is blind to love (probably because he is betrayed), it is normal to think so. You see a forerunner in everyone because you are betrayed. And he called me a "benefactor" in quotes. YOU just can't believe it. And the fact that you want to die alone, remember it again, squatting. When you're not squatting, it's easy to say.
You just want to protect yourself from the pain of betrayal, so you're locked in an emotional shell, but that doesn't mean the rest of us are falsely good, and you can't blame the author for just two lines without knowing him and the situation. .
You say we have no expectations, and you have exact expectations that everyone is fake and you see trading in every way, because you just didn't know a normal relationship. Life is not a market, it is a pity that you have not understood it for so many years. But once it protects you from emotional pain, so be it. Now it became clear to me why you are so skeptical of every human action.
Sorry if there is something, but the reason is not in you, you just reacted incorrectly to someone's betrayal, but in the end these are subconscious models and we do not choose them consciously.
He and my father were orphaned at the age of 18, and now I cannot explain to him that if he responds to my sincere desire to tell two stories, I will not be attached to him and I will not suffer less when he dies. And he chose to isolate himself and not communicate with anyone, so as not to suffer if the person died. So you're obviously like that. Everyone is a slave to his prejudices. If the author is falsely good (eventually), then you are falsely happy and falsely independent, because you think that you will be betrayed again, not that you really do not want to have real people close to you. It is a hidden misfortune and false happiness, you are lying to yourself, but if you think you are well. And if everyone lied to you, maybe the reason is maaaaaalko in you. But you will never admit, you better accuse others of being fake.
Up to 39
I suggest you take the last step towards completing your passive nihilistic journey ... that depressants like you are no longer rubbing!
no 39, why did you put commas, do you have an explanation? I wonder why so many of the so-called good people want punishment from above for the bad ones.
33 is right that a good cannot be such, because we see it as such. You can always do a disservice to a person in the desire to be good and not even realize it. For example, to support your cousin for a few years and for him to leave this apartment uneducated and expecting people to treat him like his aunt (the example above). It's good that you helped the man, but you did him a disservice.
39, let me try to explain to you why I want children so much.
For starters, for me, children are a product of love between two people. For me, this means that my genes and the genes of the man I love will combine to create a new life. This life will be the personification of the fact that we have loved, desired and together we wanted to create from scratch a life that is equally deserving of both of us.
I want my husband and I to raise and educate our children in the best way we can. To give them home, environment, warmth, love, care. Family. Personally, I want to try to give them what I lacked, to build on what was given to me and to save them what was not good in my childhood.
Finally, I want to give them freedom so that they can build a life for themselves on their own that they can live as they see fit.
This is the meaning I see in having children, and that is why I want it very much.
The difference between good and sacrifice is the key.
It is a sacrifice when you neglect your needs and do things that are unpleasant for another person, under the pressure of society, expectations and other external factors. Inevitably, sacrifice creates a feeling that the other is obliged to respond to you with the same. You feel exhausted after the sacrifice.
Good is an act that brings pleasure. It's like asking someone who loves to make cakes to make you a cake for an occasion. The person will spend a whole day in a favorite activity, will make people happy, will receive satisfaction. After good, you feel winged, enthusiastic, happy with yourself.
Our upbringing is such that self-sacrifice is cult-like. But it takes the energy to take care of our happiness and makes us unhappy.
In the ideal situation of Number 28, the mother does not invite her cousin into her home at all. A great prayer means that there has been resistance. It is good to learn to listen to this resistance. In your personal needs, in the need for personal space, peace. In the end, we have secured these things, we deserve them. If the mother realized she deserved it, she would say, "No, we can't make that commitment." and stay with your decision. What are we so afraid of that we will lose someone who does not respect our needs, decisions and desires. Here, in this case, it was not worth it. The sacrifice is never worth it. Even the Bible says in memory, "If you have two shirts, give one to your neighbor." Ah, not "Undress naked if your neighbor is worse." Take care of yourself and then help the other. And whether we help at all by saving someone the effort and time is another question.
There is such a very telling moment in my work. Every month someone has to give a presentation about the activity, but we are very worried about speaking in front of an audience, this strains us and we wonder how to save the experience. Still, someone has to complain. And then this someone behaves like a sick kitten. To bring him a coffee, that his blood has dropped, to help him with his tasks, to take him home after work. Of course, we feel obligated and, God forbid, we go out ungrateful. We also have a colleague who likes to be in the center of attention, likes to talk, is good at it. Well, after the presentation, he comes out like a lion - enthusiastic, confident. Not only does it require no care, but he wonders what other feat he can do. And why not, he did not make a sacrifice, but made fun. It is charged, not crushed by the experience. This is the feeling of being good without sacrificing.
I am not retelling a textbook on personal development, but I am speaking from my experience as a victim. It took me 20, 30 years to realize that no one owed me, nor did I, and to start taking care of myself. And that's what makes me a better person than before, that's what gave me confidence that I'm doing well. Years ago in the same situation, a colleague asked me to take her home after work, I felt so obliged that I did not dare to tell her that I could not, that I had tickets for a concert. During the lunch break, instead of resting and eating, I went out to buy a T-shirt and low shoes for the concert. I took my colleague, I was late and I never found my company. I was sitting alone and thinking "Because of this impudence it happened. Am I a driver, isn't there a subway for the princess, haven't I made presentations to make me lose her?". You will say that someone pointed a gun at me, that I had no choice. Ah, she doesn't even suspect, she thinks I just threw her next to them, she doesn't know that she took away the experiences I've been waiting for for months. She doesn't know what kind of debtor she has become, if she is lucky enough to refuse me something, she will be completely ungrateful.
This is how we transfer the responsibility that we do not take care of ourselves to others and live unappreciated, surrounded by debtors and ungrateful people.
An interesting topic about human relationships that excites everyone. I am also very upset and disappointed by the attitude towards me by different people over the years, but I think I just put up with my karma. As such, some people happen to friends, colleagues and neighbors, and others life meets them only with naughty people? There is probably a reason for this and a lesson we need to learn. And a person best absorbs what he has personally experienced and experienced. It is true that if a person is in a position to do services and people depend on him, everyone will want to be his friends. The trade moment with the benefit has always been in sight. But here the topic is ingratitude and use. There is another saying about this, besides the one about the good thrown into the sea ---,, Do good and eat... "So, nothing new under the sun. And people are all kinds, there are good, honest and grateful, but it is difficult for some of us to meet them.
There is a small difference between a good person and a good person. In fact, there is a huge difference despite the etymology of the word. A good person is either born and has a soul or makes conscious actions to be good.
While the benefactor tries to please everyone and at one point is able to stab him brutally in the back. Be very careful with the benefactors.
27,
I don't see you go far if you mutter like a woman in an anonymous forum. You were bleeding all over Europe, she was spinning your numbers. Instead of beating the woman lightly as a man, he endured her weaving like a jerk. You are your own worst enemy, no one can harm you as much as you can harm yourself. You do not owe anyone attention, you are not obliged to wipe the dick of every second person who spills on your doorstep. You have chosen to behave in this way, you take responsibility for the consequences. The world is rotten, people here and elsewhere are ungrateful rubbish. You are not the first to experience ingratitude, you will not be the last. The subtlety is that there is a difference between kindness and passive slavery. One can be good without dealing with any grumbling that may or may not need help. There is nothing hypocritical or selfish about taking care of yourself as a priority, because no one else will do it anyway. You have consciously chosen to put someone else's well-being before your personal peace. Post factum whining about how (I hope) your ex-slut used you or what intrigues who was spinning is pathetic, unmanly and infantile.
I support kindness! But not tolerance! On an evil pear an evil rod! This is all I can say, that is, there is no bad kindness, respect, mercy, but if they get annoyed then ... But people have said it on an evil pear an evil rod.
48, the trick is to have no expectations after you do good. Do yourself a favor (if of course you can and it doesn't cost you much effort and won't reflect on you) and that's it. Do not think that people are obliged to return it to you.
Yes, a good upbringing requires you to return the gesture, but what seems small to you can be a serious effort for the other, it can cost him a lot in terms of personal or professional relations ... it can be many things. And in my opinion, "Do good, eat ..." is said about the unsolicited good, about what you think is good for the person, when in fact you are doing him a disservice. Example: the mother of one of the commentators above, who supported his cousin for years.
So, I will be brief.
I personally don't hate anyone. But I have a huge hatred for people who use kindness as a tool for manipulation.
Your problem, author, is that you are naive.
When will the goodness of this world begin to be appreciated? Never! When you are too good to everyone, you become a sole. A piece, a mold, uncharacteristic. Why? Because people know no boundaries. They abuse while they crush you, then in addition to making fun of you and laughing, and spitting behind your back. If you are too direct and open, you are left alone for life. You can get in a lot of trouble if you tell everyone what you think of them. You will quarrel with your family, colleagues, friends, and this extreme is painful. Usually children say everything they think, the adult sometimes has to keep something secret in the name of, some goal, or to prevent a serious conflict. Or purely from a good upbringing. But one must have limits to how far one can remain silent. He has to stand his ground. Otherwise, you will be crushed or possibly accepted in a social environment where there is mostly humility, such as a monastery or a church, and you are doomed to humility and that is it. The rest of the world is a meat grinder. You're either a hyena or prey.
After reading the written comments, I was left with the impression that one should not do good, nor lend a hand, nor help, nor behave humanely. So much malice, aggression, hatred and intolerance flow from what has been said so far. There is no point in doing good to such people --- they will neither appreciate it nor change it. But I deeply want to believe that not everyone is like that.
The author
Number 56, I for that and refused to answer such primitive people. These are not normal people. And freaks. The stupid thing is that I had to waste a lot of nerves on people who don't deserve it. There is nothing, such as those in the comments, I will try to isolate them and let them drown in their own complexity and selfishness. Because when I look at them at work or in society, they are like that with each other.
1 psparty answered