Hello!
I will try to be brief so as not to bore anyone.
I am a 23-year-old girl. I have been in a relationship for 5 years, my boyfriend is 26. In the beginning of the relationship, my sex life with my boyfriend was almost always expressed in oral love, it was very rare to have sex because he ended quickly and worried about it. I may have remembered it as a problem, but I don't know what I was thinking then, was I too young, what were my expectations at all? !! For me, he is the first with whom I have a more serious relationship and have sex, and he before me was with a maximum of 2 girls.
In the first year of our relationship, I had congratulated on the birthday of a boy we liked as children, we started writing, our chat lasted about 1 week, I told him I had a friend. We had seen each other once in them, but we just talked, we didn't have sex. Usually the boy looked for me first, I will not hide that I enjoyed writing to each other. After this 1 week, he told me that it was better to stop writing to each other, I answered him well and we haven't heard from each other since.
A few months later we went on a field trip from school. We returned and received an invitation for friendship from a boy we had met on the trip. I didn't pay attention to him then, but he said he liked me. We wrote to each other 10-15 times in a few months, he had even turned me around so much that we even talked about dirty things. He was a strange person, the last time we had dated he had blocked me, apparently because I had said something he didn't like. My communication with him was based entirely on fantasy, I sent a few more provocative photos, but it was not even a case of infidelity, maybe the fact that we were many kilometers apart saved me from allowing myself to slip.
For 3 years and something, I have not allowed myself to write to anyone. I continue my relationship. I don't think my friend found out about these shoots of mine. We even live with him. It's as if I'm older and I already understand what it's like to have a real relationship, our sex has improved, we're both trying. I even think we will move forward for a long time, but I do not want to make grand plans. During these 3 years, writing to other guys just doesn't give me peace, I feel bad, and I haven't even cheated physically. When I go back, I may have missed something, but I don't know what, I was stupid. With this feeling I'm feeling right now, I just don't think about really cheating in the future when I start a family and have children.
My question is should I tell my friend about these actions of mine? How do I start a conversation? I don't know if I'm doing it just because I want to clear my guilty conscience or because I'm worried that he might find out from someone else, even though so many years have passed? You might say that once I've written to myself, I might do it again and even physically cheat, but I'm sure I won't. I share here because I don't have enough close friends, and even nowadays you don't trust anyone!