I'm writing here for the first time, I don't even know if it's the right place to write. For as long as I can remember, my parents have been arguing. It has always been like this. My father is a man who is stuck in casinos and very lazy. It works, but it doesn't show. He is a taxi driver and all his money goes, you know where ...
For years my mother has been planning to move out, she always convinced me that this time we were really moving out, but that never happened. Until today, when she told me she took the key to our new apartment. I am terribly scared of what is to come.
I am 18 years old, my sister is 12 and my grandmother, my mother's mother, also lives with us. The four of us have to move out together. My father is, to put it mildly, an unstable man. He is constantly screaming, slamming doors, hitting his mother more than once. It is impossible to talk to him calmly. He doesn't know about our plans to move out, and I'm afraid that when he finds out, something very bad will happen. I want to move out, it will be better for all of us, but I am afraid for my future relationship with Dad.
I'm sure he won't talk to me for a long time, which I'm terribly afraid of. At the same time, I am afraid of him. It will fail completely, my mother has endured it all her life. I'm afraid that after we move out, he won't have the money to pay his bills, to eat. At the same time, I do not want to feel sorry for him. He humiliated me countless times, threatened me that I would not have a ball, he would not pay for it. He left us hungry.
I remember that night when there were margarine and jam in the fridge, there was not even bread to spread on it. He could have gone out to work in the taxi, but he didn't, just in defiance of my mother. We were forced to starve, we didn't have a penny.
I really don't want to feel sorry for him, but I can't. Whatever he did, he remains my father and I love him. I am not strong, I am weak, I am afraid of the future and how we will endure it. I'm afraid of my father and what he can do. I need help! How to calm down? What to do?
1 pevecupv63 answered