Hello. First ... I'll tell you a little more about myself to get a better idea of what I represent. I am a 19 year old girl. I study in a normal high school, I am an excellent student, I will soon apply for a university. Tall, thin, colorful eyes, thin lips, long and brown hair. The only thing one would define as a minus is probably my big forehead. But ... I look normal, I think. Quite an ambitious and purposeful person. But the positives obviously end here. My problem is this - I have never been loved by anyone. Nobody fell in love with me. Understand it as you wish. My only relationship was with a man who turned out to be gay and described me as "the scapegoat he needed for his loved ones." You may think it's a joke, but ... unfortunately, this is the brutal and difficult truth about my love life. Which is an absolute and uninhabited desert. I am writing this to share my anguish over the situation I am in. Normal human experiences for my age such as caresses, kisses, compliments and even sex are completely absent from my existence. And ... that makes me pretty sad. I have been observing those around me for years. I see my peers. Some of my classmates have been with the people around them for about 3-4 years now. And I just wonder ... why isn't this happening to me? I try to hide my unhappiness and dissatisfaction with this through learning and grades - the twelfth grader, who will graduate with full honors as expected. Gold medal ... praise. I try to compensate with this activity ... with some apparent development that adds to my value as a person. But now... it's quite difficult for me. My friends are constantly talking about their halves, and when it comes to sex, I stand and have nothing to say. Simply because I haven't experienced anything close to it yet. I can't say that I feel any shame, but I will lie if I save the information that I somehow feel pushed to the periphery of this type of relationship. I don't even know if it's a periphery or ...
I'm completely out of the circle if love was defined as a circle. I will also lie if I write that everything is fine and I do not feel a strange inferiority. And ... I really feel myself being crushed slowly but steadily emotionally. Try. It's not like I don't communicate with boys, but ... it's just that no one is interested in me. This year I was rejected once again because of what I am and the values I follow, namely, I was told that I am too "old-fashioned" (I understood love in a different way than I thought it was modern). Maybe so - I would never compromise if feelings and emotions are missing. And I definitely don't think that love is just animal needs. I do not want to be left alone, I am afraid, because in my family I have an example of such a person - an adult, left alone, resentful of life, complaining, secretly happy. I don't know ... I don't know how to deal with this problem, and time goes on. When this happened to the boy (I was in the eighth grade) who turned out to be gay, I had told myself that everything was fine ... and when I turned 18-19 I would have found another person who was honest and deserved attention. we. And I will be happy in a relationship. I will even laugh at what happened. But ... now I wake up at so many years and realistically, everything is the same.
I am still alone, rejected, rejected and unwanted. I write this with tears in my eyes. I am far from thinking that this is the biggest problem in my life, because I have quite serious family problems, scandals between my relatives and difficult cases, I do not feel at home, but ... at least outside my family I wanted to be . And outside the learning atmosphere. I would be happy to hear your opinion, your advice. Thank you for your attention and reading this. I would be happy to hear your opinion, your advice. Thank you for your attention and reading this. I would be happy to hear your opinion, your advice. Thank you for your attention and reading this.
1 joysco answered
I understand you because I felt the same way at your age. When you enter a university, you can meet love there. Although I never had a boyfriend from university, I always found them elsewhere. And for the first time I was exactly 19. You have plenty of time for boyfriends, even if you change a few until you find your partner. Don't stop looking. One day you will wake up to a person who loves you.