Disappointed, I Feel Lonely

Hi, I'm 22 years old, I'm driving 23 and I need to share with someone. I've never had a girlfriend before, more than a year ago I fell in love with a girl very much, but I never knew and couldn't tell her, although I think she guessed my behavior about it, we met at university , where we study together, we are colleagues in the course, we are from nearby cities, the distance between the two cities is 30 km. I never found the strength to share my feelings, but at the beginning of the new year we went to the tavern course, where alcohol helped me and then in front of the disco, I finally gained courage and admitted the truth that I love her very much. . Then she just told me that we would talk on the phone the next day. I was already sober and called the next afternoon, but one of our mutual friends picked me up, where she helped her pack for the new room, they told me they would come to see me, and I waited and waited for more than 2 hours in the evening, but no one came. Then a week later, I had a birthday and it was really fun, I had a great time, she welcomed me at the entrance, it was very nice of her. And suddenly everything collapsed when the next day the mutual friend in question told me that you had a boyfriend. I really wanted to talk to her, but she never gave me a chance until one day I decided to write her a letter, with everything I feel for her, I even shared a lot of personal things with her that I probably shouldn't have. he knows. I handed over the letter and went over the river bridge to the city center. I was on the phone with a lot of tears and I said again that I love her, but she told me that you had a friend and she didn't want to break my heart, but he promised to come at least to see me from time to time, but alas he lied, and never came even once to ask me at least how I was, how I felt. I live like some cattle for 3 years, my parents divorced, I have diseases from birth, I am weak, I can't fight, life has hit me hard, but despite everything I still love her very much and I miss her so much, one we didn't talk for a month, I shed a lot of tears, I was locked in my own shell and I didn't talk to anyone, I was on her birthday last month, I had nothing to give her last month, I was very ashamed. Unfortunately, I'm not a great player, as most are with great self-confidence, but I really love her and I continue to feel the same to her to this day, I don't know how long she will last in solitude, I'm not happy, I feel very bad, for me these were no holidays, for the first time, I didn't feel them at all, sometimes I have the feeling that I will be completely alone in this world, no girl has ever looked at me and wants me, I hoped to have at least a drop of hope as if the last drops of a ray of hope had evaporated in me. This is my story, I just wanted to share it with someone and pour my grief and tears into what I wrote, loneliness kills me, and I still love it more than anything in the world.