Despair And Nothing Else

Hello everyone, I even got to write here. I had a long relationship with a girl of 8 years. She was 16 and I was 20 when we met. I am the first man in my life, she really grew up in my arms. Everything went well over the years, we didn't live together because she started studying in another city and came home often. We have always supported and loved each other and have been an example in the eyes of others. 2 years ago she lost a very close person and all the time I was by her side and supported her. Then I helped her get back on her feet by giving her a shoulder to start a new job, really the first one. She began to change a little in some respects, it is logical to see new people and their lives living with their halves or walking on men from left to right, but she has never been interested in such things. 1 year ago he told me that he wanted to separate and that he couldn't do it anymore, so he took a break in which I didn't do anything and just looked from the side, I didn't care as much. two months later we met again but for a short 10 days and then we said goodbye. Shortly afterwards, I started thinking about it around the clock and started looking for and pressing her. Then I left her for a while and we started communicating again, we went out, we had sex, but she always told me that she loved me, but her feelings were no longer the same. I agreed with that and decided to fight. We saw each other as students from time to time until she finally decided that things would not happen between us ... During all my time of struggle, she also struggles with herself and it is very nasty not to know what is happening. it happens to be split ... I love her very much, I don't know if the fact that she was only with me sexually is not one of the leading things, but I don't know how I will bear it if I want to kill my life with her. Recently she even met a boy and she didn't tell me but he found her and they started some communication and I'm super sick ... Until recently she was split and now she knows that things can't be fixed between us and now she is already sure that there is no way and I know it to some extent but I do not want to understand it and it is constantly in my head still not a little 8 years .. Someone tells me that so many years are particularly conscious and grew up in your arms will be very difficult taste a new relationship or allow someone to have sex with you for example .. Or she will be with someone and everything will remind her of me and one day she will see what kind of people she encounters and she will look for me ... I with whom thought to live I do not know.