Hello. I will tell you at length about the development of my life so far and my worries. Here is my story: I am a boy, 15, from Sofia. I can say that I am well-bred, well-mannered and in good health, I do not smoke or drink, I play sports. My parents separated when I was 7 (early 1st grade), I don't think I experienced it badly, although my mother has a different opinion ... Anyway .. I developed relatively well, for a boy growing up almost completely without a father, and so on until the 4th grade. Then I began to notice signs of apathy, indifference and lack of motivation for anything in myself. I don't lack self-confidence, I've never been ridiculed, but I've never been popular, for the simple reason that I've never seen the point or even tried. Then 6th and 7th grade I remember only as a dream. At some point, I got the nickname "moving" "muffin" or something. But he just washed away with time. I didn't study much, I put everything off until the last minute ... At the end of the year my textbooks were new. In general, all the prerequisites for a tragedy, right Yes, but no, I passed my graduation exams, entered an elite high school and the next school year began. Many lines ago I told you about hints of apathy towards life on my part and unfortunately it got worse over time. By 7th grade I was almost completely indifferent to absolutely everything, I pretended to care to look normal. I wondered about the meaning of life and all that nonsense. I've been thinking about suicide, even though I'm fine. I still don't know why I have to work all my life to achieve definitely from others. " but I also do not seek friendship. In a word - apathy. Then I liked a girl, not from our school, with whom we later became boyfriends (this word sounds so dumb in Bulgarian). So far, I've been training hard in basketball, but I stopped to have more time for it, and of course to pretend to "learn." Anyway, I was really in love, I was terribly in love. Little by little, she gave meaning to my life. I know that depending on one person is stupid. But I already wanted to live. I didn't think about what I would do tomorrow or at all ..., I thought about her. I was happy, and really, the others thought I was on the grass, but in fact I was happy .. My own reality had reached full balance ... I knew that good things do not last long, I was happy while I could. And after about 2-3 months the good things are really over. We broke up by mutual consent. I was angry, of course, not at her, not at myself, just angry. And so my life went on ... Apathy, indifference and lack of motivation (so laziness) returned. A new day, but the same. Banal actions again and again. Eating, sleeping, school. I went out, I played basketball, I can't say it was often, but I did. And so the 8th grade passed, like a dream. I finished, again almost without opening the textbook. I scored 5 in the external evaluation. And today I'm sitting in front of the computer and waiting for time to pass. The class wants to take me to the psychologist, because this way of thinking was not normal for a 15-year-old (and for how old is it normal?). I couldn't be so lazy, etc .. I'm not worried about the psychologist, I can be what is accepted as "normal". I don't think I'm revealing any of this at all, which I actually think, so they're going to drive me crazy. Even to you readers I can not tell everything, the words are not enough. In general, this is. Also, completely out of context, lately a lot of lyrics seem to me, I do not know, you may find it strange, but as if the lyrics understand me .. Of course, this does not make sense, just nonsense, but who am I to say, since I cannot determine for myself what makes sense and what does not. I hope you understood me, despite the complete inconsistency of writing and confused thoughts. And if someone feels the same way (if anyone has understood what I'm trying to say at all), share ... why share? I don't know, if he can, to find a reason for himself ... I plan to leave this country, and if even then the distorted reality in my brain is not smoothed out, I don't know. This is my only plan for the future, to get away, to run away. However, it is easier ... I have never been a man of work. Write honest opinions, I am not easily affected, nor do I think that I will start doing it soon .. -inventive end-
1 raissagerona answered
Hello. I think you need to start looking at things from a different angle. Be optimistic, it will be much better for you. I think you need to love someone. It is very nice! Do not despair, life is in front of you, you will find a new girlfriend who will truly love you. It is good that you want to get out of Bulgaria. You will be calmer abroad and you will not be under stress. Good luck and be happy! And most importantly - think POSITIVE !!!