I can't describe to you how I feel. My head is literally empty and I can't think of anything. I am so alone, lost and crying, the whole world has lost its meaning, and I am all lost in the world ... And I don't know what to do. I have no idea if I will be able to move forward at all. It all started on one of the most beautiful days I've ever had. What an irony. In early September, I had decided with my company of 7-8 people to make something like a campfire on the beach (because a river goes around the city). We brought marshmallows and beers, a few packs of cigarettes. A friend (and also my ex) took his guitar, and since I could sing, it turned out very nice. It was a lot of fun. But it wasn't just our people, it was the cousin of one of the girls. He basically comes from Sofia and has studied there so far, but I learned from her that she was moving to our city and our school. He was wearing a black-hooded sweatshirt, standing a little to one side of us, facing the fire, and the light was shining on his face. Very handsome boy, not to mention. I had ended a relationship recently, and I didn't really care at all. A 10th grade girl, quite attractive according to the comments of others, always sunny and laughing, always positive and dancing, and with a lot of self-confidence as well, I was quite courted and popular, as they say. The boy was in a bad mood, but suddenly he began to smile at me and act a little more relaxed. He suggested we take a walk. I know it's stupid of me, but I accepted almost immediately. We walked down the river, the moon reflected in his eyes. There were stars. The weather was warm. He took my hand. He told me, that he was in love with my voice (he had heard me sing a few minutes ago though). We smoked weed. It wasn't my first time, so ... It was really funny and we both laughed. We talked a lot and lay next to each other. At one point we fell silent and then he kissed me. We pressed on the sand for about an hour. We returned too late to the others. The moment we broke up I forgot about him. That speaks ill of me, but there were just too many things happening to me in those days, and we didn't see each other at all. However, I had experienced something that night. And the strangest news in the world was that it turned out that he would be in my class. We started going out. Initially all. Then just the two of them. We wrote to each other constantly. We kissed. We played this game for a few months until we got caught ... We broke up after 2 months because he had cheated on me. It was bad, that I loved him very much and was ready to return to him. But he was already with his new girlfriend and rejected me completely. I was really in love. And I missed him terribly. The first week I didn't leave the house. I cried all the time, cut myself, even got sick. Then I started going to school, but I dressed terribly naked. My clothes looked more like underwear and might have looked nice on me, but I had become a whore. I started smoking weed every day, I overdosed on alcohol, I drank not only at parties, but also on my own ... I ran away from class, I very rarely went in, I ran away from home ... I do not know what to do. It still hurts too much, but I don't care about anything at the same time. I got a tattoo. My life collapsed ... In a few days I have a birthday. I turn 17. There is something human left in me, still ... But I can't do it alone. What should I do? I have never been so deeply depressed.
1 maskkkkkk answered
You understand your problems, you only need will.