Hello! I really hope the admins publish my story because I want advice. I will be brief. I have been living in the Czech Republic for almost 6 years because my father is Czech and my Bulgarian mother had to move here. So I apologize in advance if I make mistakes. I am a 21 year old boy, I can say for myself that I am a very good person. Whenever someone needs help or advice, I am ready to help. The problem is, I can't help myself. I have had something like depression for almost a year. Almost every day after work or university, I go straight home and shut myself in. Yes, I contact people and friends, but that's it. When I meet a new person, I try to let him in, but then out of nowhere I stop contacting him / her and that's it. Many times I have been disappointed by people, which I did not expect and obviously the fact that I repel them before they get to know me is something like a defensive reaction. That's why I cut my veins, I have scars on my hands ... I took weed, cocaine and all that nonsense. I've tried to change many times, but I can't. I say to myself: I will be stronger ... I don't care about anyone anymore and I will be rude to people, but as I said, it just doesn't work. I can't be rude I'm just myself. When I'm at work it's completely different. There I am smiling, radiant and communicating as much as possible, but when I am at home I am a completely different person. I change my mood very often and a lot of people have told me that, but I know it too. I work in two places and study at one of the best universities in the Czech Republic and I am very proud of that. When I have more time for myself, I always travel wherever I want. Be it abroad or somewhere in the Czech Republic, BUT I travel alone. I can't say I don't have friends. I have, but as I said, I don't communicate much with them. I have a feeling that I will be disappointed and will think about it all the time. I'm obviously a very sensitive person. Do I need to change? Do I need to focus more on myself than others? I will be happy for any advice from you.