Depression, Death And "comfort"

I remember that day as if it were yesterday. Again, this coldness, anguish, and sorrow overwhelmed me and pierced my fragile heart. That unpleasant and heavy memory was killing me slowly. I was suffocating from my thoughts, I couldn't stand it, I wanted to shout: “Come back! ", But it was too late ... SHE was already gone. All that was left was her perfume, the scent of which she always smelled - I will never forget it. Magnolia, a delicate flower, like herself. So beautiful that you are afraid to touch it. Unfortunately, that was the only thing that comforted me - the thought of my dear mother. The worst thing is that now I'm alone, defenseless, wandering around the world without knowing where I'm going, without knowing who I am ... I certainly wasn't the same. Attempts to start my life purely failed with each passing needle piercing my hands and pouring poison into my veins .. Yes, I'm sorry for what I was - a NOTHING, useless GARBAGE and SUICIDE! I knew that this way of life would take me nowhere but to the grave. In the end, she was lying 3 meters underground instead of me .. WHY Why did you have to get here? Why wasn't I lying there? I can get an answer now. Love, care, worry, anxiety, sleepless nights on my mother's side and scandals and squandering of my life. I was the one who had to wear flowers! My conscience wouldn't let me close my eyes for even a minute. I was a living corpse. When she was alive, my mother wondered where she was actually wrong about my upbringing. I knew that answer too, but I will keep it a secret. I know it was my fault. Coming home every night in a terrible state, with swollen and bulging veins, there was almost no room left for holes, and two eyes seeing death. These evenings were followed by scandals that continued with my mother's depression. What was I doing? No, I was not consoling her. I locked myself in the bathroom, looking for an empty space in my veins for another drop of death. Years passed, in the end my mother couldn't stand it ... I killed her with my attitude and behavior, she was afraid of me. He got a tumor from his nerves. When did I find out? When I was already in the hospital holding her hand and crying out loud. I didn't appreciate her care, I didn't listen to her, I thought I could have anything I wanted. But obviously it wasn't, because I want her now, but a stupid choice repeated over the years took my world. My world was my mother! When did I find out? When I was already in the hospital holding her hand and crying out loud. I didn't appreciate her care, I didn't listen to her, I thought I could have anything I wanted. But obviously it wasn't, because I want her now, but a stupid choice repeated over the years took my world. My world was my mother! When did I find out? When I was already in the hospital holding her hand and crying out loud. I didn't appreciate her care, I didn't listen to her, I thought I could have anything I wanted. But obviously it wasn't, because I want her now, but a stupid choice repeated over the years took my world. My world was my mother!