My husband and I have been together for 11 years. We have been married for 9 years. For the last 6 years I have been a mother with our two children. My husband works from home. We thought we were fine. But over time, we became very annoyed. He spent most of his time in front of the computer, supposedly working. There was no time at all for the children or for me, I made him at least start playing sports to diversify, but he didn't want that either. If there was no work, he slept constantly. I did everything at home, and only I took care of the children. I have asked him many times to start paying at least a little attention to them, at least to keep them busy while I make the salad. We have said many times that children need their father. He argued first, then seemed to agree with me and promised to do his best. But every miracle for 3 days and then again in his old way. He didn't pay any attention to me either, still tired. He went to bed with the children. He didn't want to stay for 5 minutes to talk at least. I felt terribly lonely, desperate, and at a dead end, depressed. I started going to bed late (maybe subconsciously I just didn't want to go to bed with him), so in the morning I was rotten and I was sick all day. I entered a vicious circle. And my husband, accordingly, he got worse (he has been a hypochondriac for 8 years, but in the last 2 years he may have become depressed and things got out of control) he started to look too much at himself, at his health, he was constantly going to hospitals, doctors, all the specialists passed - they didn't find anything for him.
My relatives and I told him that his problem was mostly mental. I made him play sports, he didn't want to. I told him he had to go to a psychologist, he didn't want to. He got to the point where he started having panic attacks, hallucinating, and finally went to the doctor. He has been taking medication for several months now and we still can't hit him completely. Allegedly initially depressed, it now turned out to be bipolar disorder. During all these years I have always been by his side, I have supported him as much as I can. But I didn't feel the same in return. He knew I was depressed too, but he never wanted to help me with anything. He never appreciated my work at home, nor the fact that I looked after the children alone. He just grumbled that he was making money, and I wasn't helping him with the bills. Given that he insisted on looking after my children up to 2 years old. I never asked him for money, until I gave birth I always worked. I told him that if he wanted to start a job, he had to take on at least some of the housework and childcare. He seemed to agree, but at the same time he didn't keep his word. I started work, I went for 2 months, and he muttered that I was late, that he was tired of dealing with children. He didn't do his homework either. He said it wasn't worth being away from home for my meager salary. Shortly afterwards I left. I told him I wanted to paint and eventually open something like an art shop. He allegedly supported me and said that he would not handle me for money in the next few months.
But shortly after that he muttered about money again (he says he earns enough, and the next moment he asks me for the bills). I don't understand it anymore, I don't know if it's because of the disease or because we're already very tired. We are constantly arguing (we have always had a problem with communication, but it is already intolerable). Before, after every quarrel, he was the first to come to terms and apologized. He said he loved me and wanted us to be well. But it's not like that anymore, he doesn't care that we go to bed quarreling, he started looking at me with such malice, he started to turn my relatives against me. As we quarreled, I pushed him lightly in my rage, and he punched me in the body with all his might or grabbed me by the throat to strangle me, becoming like an animal. He has never insulted me before, and lately it happens every day. I am always the one who wants to talk and understand each other. At least he used to stand and pretend to listen, now he kills him out of aggression, then goes out in the middle of the night and drives like crazy. I don't know if it's one of the medicines (if we don't fight, it's supposed to be calm) or we're just tired to the limit. He says I'm getting him out of my skin, so he gets mad. On the other hand, I am also tired of everything and I can't take it anymore, I have lost patience and strength already. Now with this quarantine we are forced to stay at home and we are locked up with the children all day (they are naughty enough too!). The situation is INTOLERABLE ALREADY. I'm still depressed, I'm even getting worse, everything and everyone annoys me, I want to run away somewhere alone, but there's no way. I feel like I'm in prison, like I'm at a dead-end, and I don't see a ray of hope that things will work out. How can I be his support, how can he heal, how can I take adequate care of my children, when I can no longer help myself. Please people, give advice!