It all started when I was sixteen ... I was confused and desperate ... a teenager. I had no friends, I had nothing ... only ambitions and hopes. Now, two years later, I don't have that either ... Now I really don't have anything ... I heard voices telling me not to do it, but I didn't listen to them. They were so "backward" and "insensitive." My voice ... this one, inside, I knew he wouldn't betray me. That's why I only listened to him ... I was deceived, quite by accident, without wanting to, I fell into the abyss ... Every sentence now remains unfinished, whatever I say will be too little to express the feeling I felt every night ... when I woke up sweaty and pale, startled by another nightmare ... or just scared ... even of myself. I didn't think about anything for days and nights, I didn't communicate with anyone, I had forgotten what love is. Everyone ignored me, I was an unnecessary thing, a toy with which fate played, quite carelessly pushed it into the walls, but this "toy" also has a soul ... no one understood that. I wanted to be happy with the girl I loved, I wanted to study, then follow ... These were my only dreams. I wanted to succeed in life and I didn't give up until the last ... I really didn't believe that I would get here ... And you don't believe now, but I went this way and realized that there is no going back ... I lost the little ambition and self-belief, my only focus was on the next dose ... and the days passed so slowly, I had the feeling that time was deliberately "stopping" at some point, so that I could not shake and enjoy life ... I lived with my family ... I remember playing with my little brother, he always took an example from me. Will my path follow now ... I don't even know where he is. He's gone, the bright room is gone. Then my world was locked in a gloomy, small room full of smoke ... no light ... I had stopped studying a long time ago, and I never finished ... I remember when my friends told me not to "waste my life" ... ... and I was smiling and proud of every next packet ... I was really "in heaven" during that time, but no matter how lonely I felt before, now I'm even more lonely. I already understood what true loneliness is, I have been through everything, but what I am experiencing now is the most tragic. Those who worried about me - not to waste my life, no longer greet me ... It's amazing how honest I am, for the first time I share something so real, for the first time I realized that life is only one and that I passed through hell before I got there ...
1 hannahstocking answered
You are very right and I hope it will help others who have gone this way, if they have the opportunity to read it. Very instructive story. I don't know anything, but still you don't have the opportunity to continue your education. You have already realized your mistake, and why not now return to normal life slowly? It will not be easy, but I sincerely wish you success! :) This is one of the few stories that really moved me and made me think about the fact how valuable life is, without being in your situation, but in relation to your bitter experience. Few people like you can realize where they are going, because most find their deaths. Good luck and may the dreams you once lost along the way come back and may you make them come true, because better late than never!