Confused-realdeancain

IMPORTANT !!! THE STORY IS LONG, I TELL IT DIFFERENTLY, UNORDERLY, BECAUSE I HAVE A LOT TO SAY, BUT TAKE A LITTLE OF YOUR TIME TO READ IT! THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION! Hi, I've written similar stories before, but I've always found a solution after that. Everything happens by itself. Now I wonder where to start? I have so many questions and nonsense, but there is no way - I want to pour it out that it starts eating me. I'll start with the fact that I've always felt alone in one way or another. I have never had a back of friends or different companies to spend time with. I've always had a few friends, sometimes even just one, and yet I used to appreciate what I had. I didn't think so much that I didn't have a lot of people, that I wasn't one of the most social types. Yes, it didn't concern me then, but over time I changed and began to think more and more about it. About 2 years ago, I started dating my main childhood friends again, with whom I had lost touch since we entered various high schools. Fortunately for both of them, one of them was at my school and along with him I managed to get closer to some people, mostly friends from his class. But (there's a big but) then I was so blinded by the opportunity to finally have a big, shared company of friends and have fun together. Well, it wasn't what I imagined. For me, it was life and death, as if I would not get a new opportunity for socialization for the rest of my life. Grass and alcohol unite people, which is the case, but it was my ideal at the time.

These 2 things made me come alive, to break away from reality, since I had big problems before. I was going to be expelled from school and I was given a final warning, as well as 2 corrections at the beginning and end of the summer, from which I naturally lost all hope of recovery. The grass was like a repair of the past, I kind of managed to forget about these problems and really somehow my life went up. I improved my success, met other people, became calmer and more relaxed, but at the same time I had a lot of dull moments. The Avers, no matter how close, still advised me to take breaks. Of course, I didn't take them seriously, I was still in a period of happiness and I didn't want anyone to spoil it for me. : d During this period I was 11th grade, I had big plans after graduation, it was my most leisurely year. I didn't open a textbook and finish properly, as ours hoped every year, since I got into this stupid teacher. But again, everything was on the grass. At one time we had a weak period with the avers and there were no more smoking parties than before, and during such gatherings where there is no smoking and drinking, I seemed angry. I was angry that we had to have fun and talk in a normal way, and I was used to being in adequate condition. Gradually, I began to realize that I was addicted to some degree, but so far. I never thought I had a problem. My best friend, with whom I had a long time before I started dating, fucked him because he wasn't that fun. I lost all interest in him, and not only in all other people in general. Everyone else started to seem super dumb and uninteresting to me even if I realized that this is not the case I still had no interest in new acquaintances. I lived with the idea that the world was around the block and a few friends with grass. I didn't want to expand this space, it was just a comfort zone for me and when there was an evening we didn't go out, I was angry as if something serious had happened.

Now I realize that all this happiness was an illusion from the grass itself - it actually created it and without it I felt inferior and everything was hellishly empty. I lost interest in hobbies, games, movies, TV series, sports. I just smoked cigarettes like never before and lived in the future, running away from the present. I fucked people who wanted to be my friends and now that I feel alone again, I'm really embarrassed to write to them about coffee or a visionary. It's as if I'm going to use them to replace those who left, not because I want them in my life, that's why I don't even bother to do it. I realized a lot of things in the last 2 years, which helped me build myself as a person and prepare for a whole new stage of my life. At the moment the Avers are abroad and only one is left here, we ended up there with him. It's a bad thing that lately he constantly refuses to go out and keeps canceling plans, and the worst thing happened to me when a few days ago he wrote to me to ski, and in the evening when I called him, he didn't pick up and finally called me "my brother, I'm at the bar right now, I'll probably see you tomorrow. " I shout ok, although I was affected, but he is not in dispute, because he knows his own and this is not just for me, but for everyone else. Everyone has mentioned to him that there is a problem with reservations (he does not keep them, he is not serious), but he laughs at this and does not accept it as a problem. This is already annoying. And at the moment he is the only one left in this city who is still faithful to me. Everyone else has either fucked me up or they're not here. I don't know if they even fucked me, because every time I write or call them, they sound happy, but when I expect the opposite from them, I don't get it. Does it make sense to run after people's butts if they don't do the same for you?

Recently it was said in one of our conversations with the main avercheto (that which is still in the city) that everyone is alone in his life. No matter how many friends and connections, contacts a person has, I will always manage on my own, because there are few who will help you in a difficult time and will be by your side. And I've really experienced that. I had my difficult moments, but there were almost no people next to me then. I told myself for several months now - do everything for yourself, you are a central character in life, there are no eternal people. Unfortunately, this turned out to be true ... I am consumed by this thought inside that at the moment I have no one to pour out my soul to and share what I hold. I'm lonely right now and wondering what to do? I want to socialize, to meet new and interesting people, but I feel inside myself how I have lost all desire for dating. I don't trust people anymore and that would cause me some problems, because when I feel like I'm losing someone, I start to intrude, and that's damn annoying. I can't live with the fact that people come and go, but unfortunately that's the truth! I'm currently considering stopping the weed, because I haven't smoked regularly lately anyway, somehow I don't feel the need to be "inadequate" anymore. I prefer to be in my normal state. I started to build myself as a person, which will not be perfect for others, but perfect for me! Be yourself people, do not rely on others, because sooner or later they leave and you are left alone. I learned it the hard way, because with me things are always learned badly.

Don't be like glue, if someone really enjoys you and appreciates you, he will come to you, and you have to appreciate that. Stop looking for those who are not looking for you, on the contrary - look for those who are looking for you for better or worse! If you have read the story (thanks for that!), Leave your opinion in the comments. I would be interested to see what your views are on the subject. :))) Don't be like a sticker, if someone really enjoys you and appreciates you, he will come to you himself, and you have to appreciate that. Stop looking for those who are not looking for you, on the contrary - look for those who are looking for you for better or worse! If you have read the story (thanks for that!), Leave your opinion in the comments. I would be interested to see what your views are on the subject. :))) Don't be like a sticker, if someone really enjoys you and appreciates you, he will come to you himself, and you have to appreciate that. Stop looking for those who are not looking for you, on the contrary - look for those who are looking for you for better or worse! If you have read the story (thanks for that!), Leave your opinion in the comments. I would be interested to see what your views are on the subject. :)))