Children As A Person

Yes, this is a massive error in our latitudes. As a result, children become either shy or go to the other extreme and become aggressive. I even once looked on the news for a boy who crushed a classmate and almost killed him. The mother is interviewed and she says in bewilderment: Well, his father is so strict with him, he even beats him, and how aggressive it was, given that he is like a lamb at home. Well, it's normal, sheep, since you don't let him say GUCK without taking paint, to be meek at home and to be silent, just to get rid of paint. But Daddy isn't out, and this accumulated humiliation at home has to kill him somewhere.

You're right! Here, children are widely seen as inferior beings who must learn to obey and fear their superiors (parents and adults in general) instead of helping them become independent but also responsible people. It is difficult to say where the border should go, and I am not the person to give advice on upbringing (I have no children), but it is certainly not acceptable for a small child to be shouted at and called insulting. epithets only because he allowed himself to disturb the peace of his parents by asking them a simple question. I witnessed this incident and I was honestly shocked, but of course I kept quiet. I was traveling on a train in the compartment with a young family and a 4 or 5 year old boy who, like any child, was terribly bored and wanted to get his father's attention by just asking him something (I don't remember exactly, but not importantly). That when it started: "Shut up, you were an oligophrenic! When I told you to be silent, you would be silent! That I would beat you!" And so on and so forth! I honestly didn't know where to look out of shame! Not to mention the boy! So tell me how do you expect that one day this child will be a normal and responsible person? And it's just an incident that takes place in a public place (obviously it's normal for parents and they don't care that there are witnesses), but what's going on in their home, huh? How much struggle does this same child take every time his father watches a match and he allows himself to be distracted? And then why were there antisocial and aggressive children? Well, remember why.

I agree with the Author and the first two comments, but please - give a definition of "here" and "mass". Only children from lower social and / or educational backgrounds as well as children of parents who were not ready for parenthood in general are viewed in this way. In the countryside, children grow up this way rather than in Sofia and the big cities, but en masse? It is otherwise difficult for some uneducated, too young parents, who themselves depend on their parents, to look at their children as individuals ... because they themselves have not yet looked at themselves as such. Honestly, other people are to blame for such people and they tend to shift even such blame on their own young children or simply not be able to cope with their children and turn to aggression, because only this they have learned from their parents. I myself was raised by loving parents who, however, never managed to look at me as a person. They themselves were half-orphaned and the son of an alcoholic - in short, with a very difficult childhood. What can such people give me? I quickly realized and began to focus on teachers, other adults in the family (grandmother, uncle) In the end, it depends on us what we will become. It's a bit about character, it's a lot about the environment and outside the family, there is a certain amount of luck. For example, I was lucky to have good teachers who ignited in me a desire to develop, gave me a platform for opinion and made me believe in myself. In some periods of my life, even the grandmothers of my friends or a neighbor-father of a friend, who played basketball with us and gave us very important advice about life, played a big role. Somewhere in the 90s, whole families from Armenia settled on my street - refugees. They quickly learned the language, but they had difficulty speaking, and they had no friends in Bulgaria among the adults, so they often played with us in various games - basketball, folk ball, and one "uncle" (maybe he was 20!) Told us each in the evening some story - now a fairy tale, now something fantastic and he still seems to have experienced it. We constantly chased him for history. So many adults practically saw in me the personality. I SAW MY PERSONALITY IN MYSELF. I love my parents very much. They love me too, but they have never been able to find the right language, they have not been able to answer my questions and yes - my mother has beaten me and I have been punished many times unfairly for accusing my sister and other children. They always took the side of others, never mine ... even when I grew up and I could never count on them for anything, BUT we parents can't change, we can change ourselves. I recommend Dolto's book Poisonous Parents so that we don't become like the parents we criticize. And more - The author touches on a very painful topic - the topic of children in pots, but it is also an expression of the inability of the parent to cope with his role. I hope the author will manage somehow in life, because the most tragic example are the Belneyski sisters - they are just such children of parents from the lower social strata without an idea how to raise and raise children in the 21st century .... many psychologists after that confirmed that the family environment was part of the girls' problem, that they took stupid risks and were unprepared for life outside ... that's why they didn't give a child to adopt this family, but under public pressure they finally gave them a girl. A pathetic story. We are not mature as a society and in our country the parent is always on the pitch, the mother is especially respected even if she is the biggest monster or even if she can't handle her role at all. In our country, many young women under the age of 20-25 give birth only to bathe in the approval of society - as if giving birth to a child is some kind of unearthly heroism. It is heroism to raise, to RAISE, a child as a person, but girls - you know that. The very fact that you ask yourself such questions and watch what is happening outside is indicative - one day you will be better mothers

I hope more people read what you write and most importantly realize their mistakes if they make them. My mother still thinks she did a great job with my upbringing, I was just a "temerut" as she likes to call me in front of everyone. I want to tell a little of my life and I will be happy if at least one parent recognizes my mother to understand what mistakes she makes to stop while it's time, otherwise the consequences are irreparable. I started in the beginning, when I was a baby, the story is from my own mother! From the age of 1 I had a hard time falling asleep at lunch, and my mother decided that the best way to sleep was to fight. He tells me and smiles at me for beating me to sleep for two hours every day, but I was a "drummer" and I didn't sleep. So up to 4 years old. I didn't let anyone wipe my ass except my grandparents, and while they were doing it she stood next to them and beat me because I didn't give it to her. Then accusations began that I was to blame for not working because she couldn't send me to kindergarten because she was ashamed of me for roaring. Well, I'm 25 today and it still doesn't work. Until the moment I started first grade, I didn't go out, she didn't take me for walks and play with other children, because "I was constantly dirty and there was no time left for anything but to follow me and clean." . I couldn't have a conversation with my classmates at the time, but I had so many emotions from my experiences, and when I came home and talked enthusiastically about school, I only heard "SHUT UP," sometimes followed by a slap. Later, the accusations "I'm fat because of you" started. I experienced my greatest horror at puberty, around 6-7 grade. She wouldn't let me choose clothes, she bought them for me, and I was a chubby girl. He was buying me jeans that were small and my fat was popping up, all my blouses were so tight and short ... you can imagine what I looked like. I also have big breasts, and she took smaller bras from which they popped out, and that complemented the picture. All my classmates made fun of me every day, even a young teacher constantly insulted me and made fun of me in front of my class. Many times I tried to talk to her about the taunts, and she replied, "Don't be small, get well." Every Saturday and Sunday he would come to my room at 7 o'clock, pull my blankets and start beating me and shouting "get up, you poor thing to clean". And the more I roared because I was in pain and scared, and the more I begged her to stop and that I would do whatever she said, she said, "Stop yelling that you're making me even more nervous and I'll beat you." The fact that I never went out, even at class meetings, I will not even comment on it. Sorry for the long post. These are just some of my childhood memories. I don't feel like a man, I feel like a freak. I can't heal, I don't stop living in the past. Books and psychologists don't help me. I will give only one example. When I saw a stick for flies, I started to suffocate, because as a child I was forced to use one. Thank you for reading my story.

I did not read the comments in detail, but from what I read I understood that everyone blames the parents for being strict and demanding. Remember that this is their duty imposed on them by law. They are responsible for their children until they are 18 years old. Once they are responsible, they have the right to set the rules. After coming of age, their children have the right to leave their parents' home if they feel restricted. To the author: - If you are an adult, why do you still live with your parents. When you feel limited, leave their home and build a life of your own, but not reproach your parents. There is no life without obligations anywhere. As long as someone feeds you, you will abide by their rules when you become an adult, then live by your rules.