Change For The Worse

   Be good and do good. Sooner or later you will find the right people. Don't be 100% attached to anyone, everything is transient.

   The way out is in forgiveness, you have to forgive your debtors - those who have hurt and disappointed you. You must sincerely forgive them, take the burden of the past off your shoulders, and move forward liberated, renewed, and purified.

   An instinct for self-preservation ... sometimes I wish I could escape, even at the cost of hurting them before they hurt me. Apparently at some point you run out and turn the coin over. I don't know if it's as bad as you describe it ... it sounds more like a precaution to me - if you don't know how to protect yourself and appreciate, there's no one else to do it.

   To become like "before"? What is this "before"? You can't even tell yourself exactly the problem. You don't say a specific event or case or example ... "I like to hurt." "I like to hurt and insult" ... "I have found a good man, but he is leaving; then another comes and spoils everything ... ”Who else? What spoils the other when everything is spoiled? You don't understand anything. How can a person give you advice when you lie so much and say nothing specific? That's why maybe they leave the good people. Because you lack sincerity. They get to know you and see that you just want to, without thinking that you have to respond. In your confused words, I see a person who has realized that there is a problem, but does not dare to say exactly what it is. You mean you have a normal life and you dare say you're all right ...? To make someone suffer and cry? This is normal? !! Egati ... what's wrong with you then ... Look, I'll take the trouble to answer you, with the clear awareness that you're not a sincere person, but a complete egoist. I will do it, not because I want to offend or hurt you, but because I want to provoke you to think. I do it not as a man who is like you, but as a man hurt by a woman like you. Maybe there will be a contrast and it will be easier for you to understand, and for me to tell you ... what is your problem. As I see it, as a man who has experienced contact with such a woman. I had an affair with such a woman. It started well. She was hurt, scared. She had lost everything. She was suffering and crying that she had been betrayed, that the man next to her had hurt her and done a lot of terrible things, and in the end she left to preserve her dignity ... I took the trouble to listen to her. I comforted her and got to know her at the same time. I also sympathized with everything she had told me, that she survived. I fell in love with her right away, but I hid it. I was focused on helping her. I can say that I tried and I was successful. He began to smile, to laugh, to look for me ... He began to regain the "color" of a living and normal person. She liked me too, she hid it, but you know that these things are felt. When I saw that she was calmer and more confident, I decided to show her my feelings ... not that she wasn't aware, but it was right. She responded, of course. I thought that my destiny sent this woman to be together ... She kept telling me what she wanted, what she dreamed about ... “Why did all this happen to me? I am a good and honest man ... I am not a naughty woman ... I did everything right ... I gave myself away ... I forgave the betrayals ... I am looking for a good and sincere man ... I want a serious relationship ... I will not survive to break my heart once more. ”He was telling me these things, because she knew I liked her. She knew I would love her more if I believed her ... I believed her too. I did not question her story. We became close. We started going out. He showed me tenderness, then intimacy ... But. Then he began to disappear for weeks and days ... He began to behave strangely. Just when he became convinced that I had fallen in love a lot and I started wanting to be together all the time ... He started saying other words than the first ones. Quite different. "You are very obsessive ... I just wanted to be friends ... I don't want a relationship ... You didn't understand me correctly ... I can't be with you and take care of me ... I want to be free .. Very rarely can a partner. satisfy all my needs ... I want to do what I want ... ”Do you understand? The second behavior came when she was absolutely sure I was completely sunken and serious. He was looking to convince me that I was in love and devoted. The moment he knew for sure I was ready, it was over. He accused me of being the same as before. She said that when she started a relationship with him, she had the same "feeling" that she had with me now ... A feeling? For no reason he wrote me to leave her alone and not to look for her anymore ... I became sick and insulted. I waited a month and a half for it to pass. I tried to write to her. He responded with a bunch of insults and accusations that I was a hypocrite. That was the reason he broke up with me. I was a hypocrite. Nothing specific - just that. He wrote me that I was sorry, that he was glad that he had nothing to do with me anymore, that she had got rid of her ... Words that were so painful ... Unprovoked ... I also said that she didn't know what she was saying. She was writing things I couldn't believe she was thinking ... As if she was obsessed ... I asked her if she was relieved that she had scattered me that way. He said, “Oh yes! "Then it blocked me ... Honestly, we had a physical attraction, we matched a conversation on all sorts of topics, we talked for 3-4 hours, we could not detach from each other in meetings ... I understood one thing about myself . I did not give her any reason or reason, I did not disappoint her with anything. I realized he just wanted to hurt me. She wanted me to fall in love, to believe her, and when she was convinced that I had given myself completely - to hurt me ... This is the cruel truth. I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe him, I was looking for guilt and mistakes in my words in my behavior ... I didn't find anything that would cause such cruelty ... She just wanted to do exactly what she did. I was terrified that it was possible ... She didn't want to give me a chance to talk, to defend myself, to clarify ... nothing. No chance. He knew that if we saw each other, he wouldn't be able to look me in the eye. He wouldn't be able to say a word ... Years ago there was a TV series about people with superpowers, a woman hugged people and said very kind and gentle words to them, they relaxed like in a trance in their arms and seemed to grow together with her ... Then she pushed them away and started shouting at them that she didn't love them and didn't want them ... they slipped and died agonizing. I don't remember the name of the series or the movie, it was a long time ago, but I remember the scenes with this ability of the heroine ... I didn't believe that there were such people in real life ... until recently. How can I tell you ... I thought and analyzed what else a person has left. To say that I did not feel anything all the time - on the contrary, I felt it, but I attributed it to her fears. She had been through ugliness and a lot of bad things. There was no way she could trust me easily, there was no way she could trust me so quickly ... She was just convinced that I am the person who will hurt her. This conviction hurt me ... He insulted me a lot, accused me of funny things and common talk. Feelings, feelings, intuitions ... nonsense on wheels. But he never once said, "I don't love you." He didn't find the strength to tell me that ... He didn't want to see me, because he would be in my arms and crying ... Everyone is brave on Viber. He would be in my arms and crying ... Why did he do that? Why didn't you give me a chance? Why not give yourself a chance? Tell me, when you hurt an innocent person, how does it relieve your pain? I don't know if it's normal, but it makes sense to hurt the one who caused you suffering. Why do you think the innocent "deserves" to cry and suffer? Why do you think everyone is a scumbag and wants to crush you? Is it so amazing to meet a sincere person? To accept you, to truly believe you ... Is it so impossible ... I'm not judging you because you were deceived and betrayed, but revenge ... and on people who were clean in front of you ... Why? This is how you hurt and disfigure yourself ... others will leave, they will run away from the pain you cause them. Notes? Where will you run to? Depressed people get depressed, thick-skinned hippos doze off, they don't put anything to heart ... But you? You are sensitive, you experience things, you get depressed. This happens when we experience injustice, when we fight and resist the madness and cruelty of someone or others ... and we break down in front of this relentless wall of heartlessness ... What kind of medicine is this? Tell me? To smear someone, to make them cry and tremble from me? How can I feel good about this? Someone to love and appreciate me, to think of me, to worry about me, to give me strength, time, energy to make me happy and .... I to enjoy that I slapped him ... that I broke his heart with my malice ... Find the strength to forgive yourself. People are mostly bad, that's a fact, but not all. That's why we watch what they do, we get to know them. You yourself felt that this "medicine" of yours, to crush, does not work. You are writing here, although with ambiguities, it is still a kind of realization that something is not right, that it is not happening ... Yes, it is not happening. And do you know why? Because that "good feeling" when you crush someone is a deadly poison that kills you, slowly and surely ... There are good people, there is love, there is friendship ... Just ask yourself, did you look for them? No use. Do not answer me. Let it be personal. Answer yourself. Start from the beginning, when you first "gave" and they hurt you ... Start from the first time, from the very beginning ... Did you really give? Or it was a deal. There is a difference between a gift and a sale. There is also a difference in the principle - to give something as a gift and regret that you did it or to sell it cheaply and to be at a loss ... The options are many. I'm sure you understood me ... I'm sure you know that you started badly from the beginning ... It's time to forgive. You know? Don't hurt a sincere person. He did not appear by chance on your way. No random things ... Good luck. . Good luck. . Good luck.

   Comment 4- I experienced the same thing years ago, with small differences .. The same disoriented behavioral problems, emotionally immature, abrupt and first signal .. One day he loved me, the next no longer. After a week - the same. Finally I was tired and decided more not to see and hear each other, without insults, without dramas, each in his own way and so on. To the author: it is true - find the strength to forgive those who have disappointed you and yourself for your mistakes.

   From the author to 4 A very good story and everything, thanks for the time, just to ask you, how did you know that I am a liar and selfish? Just tell me that

   To the author of 4 I wrote you an answer, long and comprehensive. I gave you time, a few hours. You didn't understand anything from that, did you? You reacted at the first sign, took offense and only one sentence came off to scratch ... How did I know? Read the "story" again. You don't say an event, a situation ... nothing. Apparently you are not looking for answers to your questions - Why are you a naughty woman. Apparently you are only looking for support and sympathy that you are "right". You need answers like comment 3. Crush, you're right, it's an "instinct for self-preservation." Number 3 sympathizes with you. Speak in the plural ... "even at the cost of me hurting them before THEY hurt me" That's right, when you drive them on a conveyor belt, this is the technology - injury. So what? I am important. Give the next one whatever happens. Well, it happens, doesn't it? Why do not you like it? Because you are too lazy to feel. Because you don't want to think. Because only you are important. Because you don't care how the other person feels, you don't have the ability to put yourself in his place. Because you hurt a human being for no real reason with an irrational and imaginary fear that you have to get ahead of him, because he will "necessarily" hurt you ... How can you hurt someone? You can hurt him if he cares about you. If he gives five bucks for you. If he doesn't sleep, will you be able to hurt him? No, he will smile and fuck you and continue on his way without remembering you for 5 minutes ... Do you understand why you are lying? Because if someone loved you and wanted to be with you, you lied to him. You gave him hope that you want to be with him, but with the idea of ​​crushing him, not because you are sincere ... Even your answer is aggressive and disrespectful - one sentence. A mocking gratitude for a story ... from which he understood nothing. Absolutely nothing. Whether you are a liar and a selfish person is not my problem, but yours. I'm just saying it looks like that. You will be abandoned in the end. The numbers pass in time. You haven't played yet. When you play, then look for advice. You will not receive sympathy from me. Whoever behaves idiotically with people deserves retaliation. The people have said "On an evil pear - an evil rod" Until then, drive yourself how you know it and feel "good", that you are crying and insulting sincere people ... Here, I told you - how did I understand. You may not answer me. You will hardly say anything meaningful in one sentence. Or you may get bored ... for example. Whoever behaves idiotically with people deserves retaliation. The people have said "On an evil pear - an evil rod" Until then, drive yourself how you know it and feel "good", that you are crying and insulting sincere people ... Here, I told you - how did I understand. You may not answer me. You will hardly say anything meaningful in one sentence. Or you may get bored ... for example. Whoever behaves idiotically with people deserves retaliation. The people have said "On an evil pear - an evil rod" Until then, drive yourself how you know it and feel "good", that you are crying and insulting sincere people ... Here, I told you - how did I understand. You may not answer me. You will hardly say anything meaningful in one sentence. Or you may get bored ... for example.

   From number 3: Judge, do you want to convince me that what happened to you did not affect you? And for the next one you will give yourself the same way and in the end you will say to yourself "Well, I did what I could, it's not my fault that she didn't appreciate me" ... People treat a person the way he allowed them. And if they get on his head, it's his fault. I say it as a person who acts this way ... and I am increasingly convinced of how wrong this is. And no, I don't think the main goal was to hurt you, she just had feelings for her ex and wasn't ready for anything new. Most people who have come out of long-term relationships are unintentionally confused, hurt, even worn out ... and in their attempt to "save" themselves, they return it to someone who is completely innocent. But I am far from the idea that it is intentional. They just catch themselves like a straw drowning man,

   4 and 7 to 3 and 8 Yes, and for the next I will give. That's how I am. I give myself to the max, I don't hurt anyone, I don't press and I don't bother. I have always approached with great understanding and sympathy, especially to the woman I love. And it's naughty when they respond to you with idiotic behavior and crazy talk ... When you're not ready ... why are you bothering someone with nonsense?

   From the author If it's nonsense, you don't need to explain it to us

   And it continues to happen to me without wanting to hurt intentionally (to distinguish between intentional, in a period of activation of my emotional trauma - my reaction in response to a stimulus that I have not yet been able to overcome as causing me great discomfort and intentionally - in order to harm). I lived in a naughty neighborhood where it was a weakness to express feelings. Even to feel such sweet emotions as love. Or watching them - a pathetic and funny story, *** that's what we thought ***. We generally trembled with frogs, played on funnels, with needles, jumped from garages, poured lead boxes, and fought the neighboring village. Since I was 15 I have been walking with paralytic spray in my right pocket, I am calmer now and it is in my bag. My favorite character, as a little one, was Elby from Bear Ruxpin, if you watched him, and the good guys in the movie were presented as idiots, and that's how it was imprinted in my fragile childhood mind. When we include in the scheme the sick ambitions of some of the parents ... it turns out to be a rather strange human being, I am referring to myself and my close friends, who have some difficulties in 'normal' communication. I do not deny that we make love to these people, but we show it differently and fail to be 'normal', and we waste time trying to adapt to 'normalcy'. I have not had a loving look as an example and I reject it subconsciously, my association is - weakness. Analyzing myself, I came to the scheme of reasoning that I have built - I am a woman> looking for a stronger man than me - a man> if he shows weakness in front of me (he is in love = weakness), then he is not reliable because he is subordinate to a woman, so to speak, he cannot be stronger. The scheme is absolutely wrong, of course, and now, at the age of Christ, I'm starting to fight it, but I'm writing it to you, this example, to give you some guidance, may not be relevant to you, but I think it's interesting and could give you some direction to think. Many years ago I managed to open my heart with ... then a boy, 9 years older than me, was actually already a man. He betrayed me, forged my documents for a loan, which he later covered, but the trouble was already a fact. After that, I couldn't trust myself for several years when I was betrayed again. Brutal. A friend betrayed me. One of my best * friends *. I lost my father, my job, and when I told my friend at the time, he told me he didn't care about my problems, and he left me. I got in a hole, I was no longer interesting to the company I regularly gathered, I organized literary parties, but after this triple shock I couldn't be fun anymore, they withdrew, and I, who had believed in these people ('normal', not idiots like me) ) ... I deliberately read for a year everything related to the manipulations, the confusion in someone else's consciousness, the game. And I gave it back to those who had used me. And they deserved it. I didn't hurt the selfless ones, but ... oh, how sweet it was for me not to even know where they came from, the 'normal' friends. Like ... my dear Veneta. Then I realized I had a problem, I started looking for it, just like you. Almost everything was starting to annoy me. I also annoyed myself because I can't be 'normal' and like a 'normal' person. And I got this frustration on normal men. They weren't interesting to me, and I wanted them to be and to love each other, but I couldn't. Here's number 9. Sounds good, but then he wrote "crazy", you made a compromise at the beginning and then you shook *** crazy *** He gave up, but he still hasn't learned that in front of 'who, who, whom .. . 'a dull comma is put in. This is my burden, I understand, but when my sexuality depends on the intellect of the interlocutor ... it doesn't work, and I want to be with someone so much ... normal. Just kidding. So to your question - a lot of people believed the theories about toxic people, everyone who is funny is already toxic. The system does not want individuals. Try to win them back, the people you like, determine who you like and why, get to know them, talk to them, be open, and observe the people. I wish you happiness!

   Author, How can you not get tired of writing a sentence ...? You're right. You're right about everything, you know;) And you're 11 super cool. Funny, cool and ... fucked up. It's crazy when they tell you you're a hypocrite for no reason. Don't be angry when things are told to you by their real names. I know you really want people to be nice to you, even when you make fools of them ... To behave, even though you are committing atrocities ... Hurt. Who stopped you? !! Why are you paying attention to me? I am a mediocre, ordinary, boring subject. In love = weak You have no idea even how weak I am :) Find a strong man who will look at you with respect: D It's fun to explain to me how weak sincere people are ... Maybe because you are a very sincere person and you talk from your bitter experience? Hurt ... This is your "right", you know? Even here in anonymity is even cooler, don't you think? You are a weak whiner there and you are bored with your infantile naivety ... Come on, say that I am a pathetic clown and let it go :) You will feel good. I'm sure. :) It is very important to feel good. I am completely clear to you and you are glad that he defeated me, aren't you? :) Okay, you win. Enjoy your feast victory. Consume it ... with a bottle of red wine ... for example ... alone ... The winners are alone, aren't they? They look down from the top of their victories, at the unworthy weaklings, overthrown, humiliated, weak, miserable ... unworthy. Do not mind me ;) I am completely clear to you and you are glad that he defeated me, aren't you? :) Okay, you win. Enjoy your feast victory. Consume it ... with a bottle of red wine ... for example ... alone ... The winners are alone, aren't they? They look down from the top of their victories, at the unworthy weaklings, overthrown, humiliated, weak, miserable ... unworthy. Do not mind me ;) I am completely clear to you and you are glad that he defeated me, aren't you? :) Okay, you win. Enjoy your feast victory. Consume it ... with a bottle of red wine ... for example ... alone ... The winners are alone, aren't they? They look down from the top of their victories, at the unworthy weaklings, overthrown, humiliated, weak, miserable ... unworthy. Do not mind me ;)

   11, I've lived in uglier neighborhoods. Battles were commonplace. That didn't make me weak. The betrayals did not make me hate people, they did not disfigure me. I could have hurt and avenged my innocence, but I didn't, it would have been easy ... and I couldn't pay the price. You can, I see. When you write here with a strong conviction and an "implicit" sense of superiority ... caused by your exclusivity ... Correct me if I'm wrong. I'm ordinary. He was condescending, though mockingly ironic. I will learn something from your rich but misunderstood spirituality, and you will put me where I belong. That way it will be fair and satisfying ... For you :) I know you like it. I apologize for the commas. I confuse them sometimes. I know that makes me dumb, but it's a bonus for you, isn't it? Come on, shoot. Shoot the ordinary dude. :) Please tell me what happens when you smudge a sincere person ... Tell me how it makes you feel good afterwards. Come on, do it from our unimaginable intellectual difference ... Where are you, so where am I ... Do your work, especially in that part ", (to distinguish between intentionally, in a period of activation of my emotional trauma - my reaction in response to a stimulus that I have not yet been able to overcome as causing me great discomfort and deliberately - in order to harm). "These" stimuli "are interesting to me ... Explain them to me, because to me they look like" crazy "... because they are not caused by me ... for example. There is no way to know what blew you away and who fucked you ... I have nothing to do with you trusting "real" and "strong" dudes ... Dudes who have won you over with their intellect ... You are not ordinary, it's humiliating for you ... banal, false, trivial ... even offensive. Right? You deserve more, you find it (maybe at literary parties ... where smart guys in a shocking intellectual delirium win you over, seeing the author's soul and characters in astonishing insight ... Oh, sacred moments of spiritual kinship ... I understand you Everyone has a dick, but not everyone has abstract thinking and imagination ... And hop, someone confuses you with an unimaginable point of view ... There's no way you can't get excited:) ...) So ... Explain to me if you want well, how does that make you happy. You may be consistent, not paying attention to me. It's your right, isn't it? :) as in astonishing insight they see the soul of the author and the heroes ... Oh, sacred moments of spiritual kinship ... I understand you. Everyone has a dick, but not everyone has abstract thinking and imagination ... And hop, someone confuses you with an unimaginable point of view ... There's no way you can't get excited:) ...) So ... Explain to me if you want to , how does this make you happy. You may be consistent, not paying attention to me. It's your right, isn't it? :) as in astonishing insight they see the soul of the author and the heroes ... Oh, sacred moments of spiritual kinship ... I understand you. Everyone has a dick, but not everyone has abstract thinking and imagination ... And hop, someone confuses you with an unimaginable point of view ... There's no way you can't get excited:) ...) So ... Explain to me if you want to , how does this make you happy. You may be consistent, not paying attention to me. It's your right, isn't it? :)

   Thanks again to everyone for their time, especially to the dedicated gentleman, who never understood why he spoke to me as if he hated me. I respect your opinion, but PLEASE DO NOT CALL ME, "LIAR, SELFISH ...", because such a perfect and ideal person like you, hardly exists either.

   Forgive me 14 I don't hate you. I can't hate darling. Sometimes I hate that I can't hate ... It would be very easy for me if I had learned. I apologize. Really. The idea here is to sympathize, to help each other, if possible ... Who knows, a fresh idea, a good point of view from a stranger ... It can help someone, restart, see things differently .. You 're hurt. You see that something is wrong with you ... This is a big step, the right step. Forgive me. I allowed myself to say a lot of unnecessary things, and in an inappropriate way. Please forgive me. You are not a liar and selfish ... Just a very very sensitive woman who defended herself in a way that at the moment seemed ... right. I'm sorry they disappointed you. I'm sorry they hurt you. I'm sorry they abused your kindness and sincerity ... I sympathize with you. I would like you to deal with what is tormenting you. Please forgive me. Be good. Be strong. The filth happens for a purpose. Usually to good and nice people. You are like that, I am convinced ... Be happy.

   To number 14 and so they are all the same right. Then what are you looking for?

   From number 11 - to number 12/13. I'm not trying to belittle anyone, I answer the author's question - "Well, my question is: do you have such an experience, how did you manage to recover and save yourself? What would be good to do to fix my life and have normal relations with people? ". Read my whole post again. I also answer you so that you understand the other side, the one that hurt you. She didn't do it to make fun of you personally. She simply handled the tools she possessed as a result of her fears. Just as you did not understand why she acted in this way, so she did not understand herself. "When you're not ready ... why are you bothering someone with nonsense?" - a person is not born a scientist, and until he realizes that there is a problem that needs to be solved, he may inadvertently hurt some people around him. Or he might like it if he was already too hurt. The author does not want to hurt, but to understand herself and regain her human qualities. I describe to her my mechanisms, which I have almost overcome. It may sound conceited, but that's how I express myself and I don't intend to lower my level of expression so as not to sound pretentious. The fact that people in my childhood were over-demanding built me ​​up as an over-demanding person in the first place to myself, later I projected this on others. My remarks on spelling are as provocative as they are a clear example of the detail that was once able to deny me humanity. And this arrogance of mine is the result of overcompensation due to feelings of inferiority. As you can see, I have no problem naming things by their real names, nor by my weaknesses, we all have. All this (tautology) to hint to you that people who hurt, who are demanding, who are annoyed by insignificant to the majority things, who can't explain their own behavior or fight their demons and therefore happen to react inadequately ("idiotic behavior and crazy talk") against the background of less mentally burdened people (like you) ... are much more hurt in childhood than those who were loved unreservedly, who are able to understand love in advance, because they are acquainted with it, without having been rejected, abandoned ... in the period of the formation of their psyche. And it will be selfish if, after questioning themselves, they do not try to work in the right direction in order to heal the emotional traumas, to achieve balance and not to harm, but to decide, that it brings them some benefits. (I do not in any way advise anyone to stand in unsatisfactory relationships or to experience themselves as a savior). I will emphasize your quote again: "Yes, I will give for the next one. I am like that. I give myself to the max, I do not hurt anyone, I do not press and I do not bother. And it's naughty when they respond to you with idiotic behavior and crazy talk ... When you're not ready ... why are you bothering someone with nonsense? "From all your posts here, it seems that you haven't tried and aren't trying at all. to put yourself in someone else's place, nor to understand with empathy and understanding. You have taken on the role of victim - the easiest role - and accuse left and right that they have been aggressive. You are concentrating on yourself, but without analyzing yourself and not realizing it, you project it on others. The author has questioned herself and is looking for a solution to something that worries her in her relationships with others, in order to correct herself, and you write to her “I am important. Give the next one whatever happens. “Do you sense distortions in your interpretation of what you read? Have you tried to do self-analysis, psychoanalysis? Because the author does this while you explain to her how bad it is. In your comments to me, you are belligerent again. My writing is an analysis of factors that have shaped me to act according to a certain unconscious scheme, an unproductive and erroneous scheme, which I have also tried to analyze and set out in the text. I have not written anywhere that the scheme is still relevant, much less that I find it adequate. In no way have I tried to hurt or offend you, but to support the author, who seeks advice and people who have gone through this to correct their behavior, not to read your insults. And you, by sowing insults, prepare to receive. And when you learn to delve deeper into things and people, even if you get an undeserved insult, you'll just move it. "It's fun for me to explain to me how weak sincere people are ..." - where did you come up with that? You seem to be a creative person :) (here I use sarcasm to make it clear when I'm picky, I'll specify it explicitly). "I'm completely clear to you, and you're glad he defeated me, aren't you?" "Obviously, I am no less clear to you. The bad thing about most people who are used to playing the role of a victim is that they see aggression everywhere. It will be useful for you to learn to distinguish between people with seemingly similar behavior, so as not to confuse women in the future, who deliberately play with you, those who do not intentionally hurt you, and those for whom a small and harmless irony is like a spice to taste. "I could have hurt and avenged my innocence, but I didn't, it would have been easy ... and I couldn't pay the price. You can, I see. "- I have never allowed myself to intentionally hurt an innocent person, on the contrary, I have always defended the unjustified. "Find a strong man who, when he looks at you, you will write out of respect: D" - With men who inspire respect, I grind well, neither I put myself in a lower role, nor do they. I have a certain problem with men who consider themselves more ordinary than me, often they try to humiliate me in order to feel good. That's why I prefer men who do not have a problem with self-esteem, but have met and can control their ego. "The winners are alone, aren't they?" They look down from the top of their victories, at the unworthy weaklings, overthrown, humiliated, weak, miserable ... unworthy. Don't pay attention to me;) "- It is true that if a person wants to pay attention to you, we are unanimous here with you. I don't know if you realize, but you categorize me as a severe psychopath (it's good to know that psychopaths are incapable of questioning the rightness of their behavior, something the author does, as I do - it could help you be a little more oriented). "And you 11 are super cool. Funny, cool and ... fucked up. "I know perfectly well that I'm cool and funny, thank you, but fucked up - no more than you. Yes, I'll answer the question, of course - "And hop, someone is confusing you with an unimaginable point of view ... There's no way you can't get aroused" - namely, you see, that you also have intellectual flashes, to push yourself a little more and become your fan :) (almost without irony), I could even help you open your own topic, I will like the scriptures anonymously (joke). "Maybe at literary parties ... where smart guys in a shocking intellectual delirium win you over, seeing the soul of the author and the characters in astonishing insight ... Oh, sacred moments of spiritual kinship ... I understand you. Everyone has a dick, but not everyone has abstract thinking and imagination ... “you see that you are not so bad (summer), you have a nice thread, but you zealously hide it under sarcastic comments, springing from your injured soul. Instead of "kinship", however, I would put "kinship", it sounds more sexual. Even if you don't take it, I'm proud. "You are not ordinary, it is humiliating for you ... banal, false, trivial ... even offensive. What does "ordinary person" mean to you? "These" stimuli "are interesting to me ..." - I explain to you what I meant - experienced negative emotion has left a mark in the subconscious, if a situation reminds me in some way of the traumatic event, it automatically includes a behavioral program that seeks to avoid repeating the threatening scenario. Example - a child as a child faces death, he is taken to hospital, he struggles with life, and his parents are not there. It feels abandoned and alone. This is imprinted in his subconscious. In adulthood, the brain may be reminded of the forgotten feeling of immanent death in the event of abandonment by the partner (or other significant person), or simply in the event of a perceived threat to do so. A ready-made mechanism will provide an answer to avoid the possibility of this happening - for example, the termination of the relationship or the rejection of the significant person to prevent the experience of emotions associated with childhood trauma. If the causal relationships are realized, this fear "irrational and imaginary" (in your words) can be understood and overcome. Otherwise, it is felt as a real threat to the injured individual and triggers an unconscious reaction to "self-defense" (as you may have guessed). "You can hardly say anything meaningful in one sentence. Or you may get bored ... for example. "- this is your quote to the author. It follows - "That's how I am. (...) I do not oppress or annoy. " I will not explain the latter to you, I leave you to think a little and alone (without a gram of irony and sarcasm), Greetings.

   11, Farewell, too. I did not want to offend you or the author. I know that if we write here, then something is not OK. I am aware that a person does not always hurt because he is evil ... sometimes he has no idea that he even does it ... I'm just naughty ... That's it. It's easy to crush someone, it's easy to do something bad. Easy things are ... a dangerous thing. I lost a wonderful person ... In fact, she decided to lose me. It hurts me that he clung to me, but he suggested some things to himself that I wasn't ... Something "replaced" me and turned me into an unreal character in my imagination and ... Do you know how powerless a person feels when they tell him, that it is something that is not ... Someone hit you, hurt you, insulted you, someone betrayed you ... You suffer, you experience the pain, you meet a person. A person who accepts you at a time when you are at the edge of your strength. He loves you, wipes away your tears, makes you laugh ... He understands you, completely, you have an attraction, everything is as it should be, of course ... Then fear, thoughts ... You are the same. There's no way you're not the same. You caress with one hand and hide the dagger with the other ... There's no way you can't hurt me ... What kind of psychopaths have crippled you like that? !! How is it possible to be robbed so much? !! I understand you. You can't even guess how well ... Behind cynicism and aggression, there is usually an innocent defenseless girl ... So scared, so lonely, so in need of friendship, love, sincerity, hug, protection, attention ... No use. , without obliging you, without demanding anything ... You need so much that you can't believe that it can happen to you ... You see another abuser, another scoundrel ... Is that true? ? After all, is it possible? I want to apologize to you both. I provoked you, but not because I am a scoundrel, but because I am saddened that someone has abused you. Someone has left scars that will remain forever ... Someone has injected you with poison that poisons you like a curse ... There are such demonic people. I have met such people in my life. I've seen what they do. And they felt me, how to say, from time to time we become enemies. It's just in the circle of things. Honestly, they surpass me in qualities, it is difficult to fight according to their rules ... But not impossible. Forgive me for drowning you in my spam ... It's minor. I don't leave a person, a friend, a comrade ... a loved one. It didn't happen to me. If you will believe ... Never. It has always been the opposite. That's what happens ... Always. It's bad for them. I know, they told me. I want you to smile when you cry inwardly. Work. This is how I treat myself - my work saves me, heals me. I know ... In fact, I am deeply convinced that the author and the lady with the literary deviations, you are wonderful people ... In fact, all the time I was trying to explain it, but in my own way. This is my way ...;)

   From the author I wrote my story with full clarity that it will affect everyone differently. I mean, I'm glad, really, that the topic provokes something like an argument, because it's a good way FOR ME to see the different points of view of different people. I did not expect to be 100% supported by everyone, nor 100% judged. To be clear, once I say I want to correct my behavior, so be it. I don't want you to defend me or make me completely right, say what you think, but just don't make any wrong conclusions about me, or allow yourself to say things about me that you have no idea if they are true: ) Dedicated sir, what you wrote a moment ago sounded so nice. Whether it is false and mocking I will not comment, let's enjoy the moment.

   I'm in the park. At our cafe ... at our table. Alone. People pass by, the children play, the sun is nice, the breeze is caressing ... Under the green chestnuts. I sit, drink coffee, smoke cigarette after cigarette ... I miss you. The most beautiful woman in the world ... the smile, the gentle look ... you are so beautiful ... that glare and finesse of a real lady ... I miss the conversations in which we lost track of time ... the hours flew by and we couldn't to get enough of the warmth ... your hug ... your kiss ... I sit and cry ... I miss you so much darling ... I want to hug you ... I want to hold hands, that's how it touched me, as if you wanted to check if I was next to you ... that I was real ... and I wouldn't disappear ... I know you love me ... For all the unreasonable words, you didn't find the strength to tell me "I don't love you". .. He told me everything else, but he couldn't ... He didn't want to meet. He knew that if we met I would hug you and not let you go ... ever. I hate that I didn't find you ... I hate that I'm not looking for you ... I don't dare to do it, I'm waiting for you to take a step ... the days go by and it hurts me that you won't make her darling ... No I wanted to save you, you are strong, I did not oblige you with anything, this is unworthy ... I am sitting in the park and I dream of you appearing from somewhere ... Don't you miss me? A little? I want to tell you so many things ... I'm not angry with you, my love ... I want to forget you, but I can't, I want to get angry and hate you, but I don't know how ... I don't want ... I know I won't love someone like that anymore ... You touched my heart in a way that ... it was impossible to imagine ... I'm not very young anymore, I thought I saw everything ... Wherever you are , I want you to know that I love you ... So much that it can't be real ... I love you ...

   You don't sound evil to me. I speak ten times more viciously than you. I am super straight, direct sharp and rough at times. This repulses many people because everyone is used to hypocrisy. It is easier for people to put on a fake smile and everything is fine. However, this bothers me a hell of a lot. It is much harder to be in my place than a lowly hypocrite. However, most people choose the latter. Lately, though, I've been feeling like you, in a dead end. I try to be hypocritical, too, if I can fit into a small society little by little. One day I succeed, another not. I believe that with more effort I will be able to get used to it. Hahaha sounds absurd, doesn't it. To make an effort, to be hypocritical. Emmy, in time I will be as "good" as you want to be. You have to understand that most people, where they seem moral and good, they are not at all. You are probably a more valuable person than them. You're just more direct, which doesn't bother them. If you can, keep your personality, if not ... you can take my path. But to think that you are to blame for everything and that you are a bad person is naive and childish. We are not in kindergarten.

   I was soon dumped in a similar way, and at first I was taken aback, but I thought it was the behavior of a weak person. Yes, this is a weakness caused by deformation. Many people are like you. You are obviously more emotionally developed and experiencing things harder, so your sense of self-preservation makes you do so. What is the way to change? !! It is good that you are aware and looking for change, but the way is strictly individual. Maybe, next time, just stay against yourself, of course if you don't have a real reason to end. If they treat you badly again and you feel fucked up, think of the ones you made feel that way, this way you will grow up realizing the moment, not the time you have passed. Just realize that this is not the way and every soul carries. And most of all, have the strength and courage to apologize when you hurt! Regards - M36.

   To number 21: Dude, don't expose yourself, man. What you wrote is very likely that she did not read it, and you wasted your time writing this whole thing. And there are no unforgettable things, as soon as she has moved forward in some way, you resign yourself and you need to make an effort and start from the beginning. It's normal not to forget it, as you live with the fixed idea that you can't read your old messages and so on.

   Look now, things are simple. It all comes down to winding things up on your head that are projections of what has happened to you before. You dig into the past, blurring the present and the future. And you have developed the so-called psyche of the victim, in which the other is always to blame, he wants to hurt you. For a start, you can think about your part of your relationship with people - how you behave, whether you provoke them with something, whether you impose yourself on them, whether you understand each other easily ... Maybe I will disappoint you, but the fact that YOU reject them and hurting is only one of your delusions. You can only hurt someone who has spent a lot of time with you, madly in love with you, who does not know what world he is in. And these are only 10% of the total. The others just like to deal with you after your bad attitude and start to ignore you, pass by. They put an end to it and you no longer exist for them. And all this happens without drama, insult, quarrels. Quiet and peaceful, just the opposite of your sharp way. The fact that your relationship with someone ended after you strained, got used to it and insulted him, does not mean that you emerge victorious from the whole thing and you hurt him and made him suffer. As you can see, people go on with their lives and don't care, and you wonder how to have a normal relationship with them and tread in one place. For starters, try a mirror type attitude. See how the other behaves, what he says, what he does. If you like it, respond with the same. Judge people according to what is happening now, at the moment, and not with associations for different memories from before. The fact that your relationship with someone ended after you strained, got used to it and insulted him, does not mean that you come out the winner of the whole thing and you hurt him and made him suffer. As you can see, people go on with their lives and don't care, and you wonder how to have a normal relationship with them and tread in one place. For starters, try a mirror type attitude. See how the other behaves, what he says, what he does. If you like it, respond with the same. Judge people according to what is happening now, at the moment, and not with associations for different memories from before. The fact that your relationship with someone ended after you strained, got used to it and insulted him, does not mean that you come out the winner of the whole thing and you hurt him and made him suffer. As you can see, people go on with their lives and don't care, and you wonder how to have a normal relationship with them and tread in one place. For starters, try a mirror type attitude. See how the other behaves, what he says, what he does. If you like it, respond with the same. Judge people according to what is happening now, at the moment, and not with associations for different memories from before. and you wonder how to have a normal relationship with them and tread in one place. For starters, try a mirror type attitude. See how the other behaves, what he says, what he does. If you like it, respond with the same. Judge people according to what is happening now, at the moment, and not with associations for different memories from before. and you wonder how to have a normal relationship with them and tread in one place. For starters, try a mirror type attitude. See how the other behaves, what he says, what he does. If you like it, respond with the same. Judge people according to what is happening now, at the moment, and not with associations for different memories from before.

   From the author to 22 I somewhat agree with you. The fact is that our society is massively degrading, failing, etc. There are people who have not deserved anything but bad treatment, although it is not right, in spite of everything, to respond to someone with such. The problem with me is that I realize it, but I can't live that way. For me, there will always be a culprit who must be punished, even if I am actually guilty. I no longer distinguish between people who harm me and those who are always by my side and do not deserve my treatment. I know perfectly well how dishonest I am and how bad it is for everyone around me, but it's like a drug, if I may say so, it doesn't do any good, and you know it, but you can't stop it. I can't imagine myself as a really good person who knows how to treat people the way they deserve. And that, which I do naturally elicits a response. I want not to hate, not to want to take revenge on everyone, not to be angry about every mistake. To number 23 Believe me, I'm not that emotionally developed. I try to achieve it, but something keeps pulling me down and hindering me. Maybe I still have a long way to go while I fix all this in myself.

   Author, this comment 26 is quite indicative. He immediately went into explanatory mode with general talk and principles, put himself above the others, went looking for guilt and punishing, came up with a bunch of imaginary reasons not to do anything about it. I'm not saying it badly, it's just obvious from a hundred kilometers. And that's exactly where your problem is, which you seem to want to fix. You don't say in the end what provoked you to change in this way, again only general talk. If it's based on that classic story in which your ex dumped you, but you still have feelings for him and there's nothing you can do about it ... other than give it back to the male population. Well, I'm sorry, but just accept that everything has a beginning and an end. And you can't have everything and everyone. Or don't accept it, you decide for yourself. As you can see, this is how it works. And because he wrote, that you seem to realize it, you want to change something, but you can't ... here's an elementary example of starting with something other than empty talk. Choose one of those that you think you hurt. But someone who came into your life after the trauma. Someone to whom you shared more personal things and at first perceived it as normal and important to you. But at one point he became guilty, behaved horribly, and turned out not to deserve your treatment. But it has not disappeared from your life after your first act of abusive behavior. Take the initiative and look for him. Suggest he go out for a coffee or a beer. Be honest, try to tell him you're sorry. Apologize to him for your idiotic behavior, for the guilt you instilled in him, for the hatred you poured out on him, for all the drama in your relationship that came from YOU. If you can't do that, or at least part of it, you better not bother with all these questions at all. No sense in telling you now - I don't wanna ruin the suprise. Just accept yourself as you are and move on with your life.

   To number 3/8 Everything affects in some way. But such behavior is inadequate, frivolous and repulsive. Why do you deal with others at all when you have feelings for your ex? Since you feel so bad and have no desire for anything, why don't you cut them at the very beginning, but let them close to you? Why are you looking for all sorts of excuses to do things the way you do? Why do you delve into clichés like self-preservation instincts, turn over coins and start putting everyone under a common denominator? The answer is very simple, but no one will admit even after a while. You were dumped by someone, in any case it was not completely unreasonable. You are to blame for this and you realize it very well. But nothing depends on you anymore, you can't impose yourself and there is nothing you can do about it, even after another desperate attempt. And instead of thinking about what you / didn't / did to get here, you hide behind some mask of love, feelings and suffering. Because the option of self-pity is much easier than making the necessary efforts to understand where you really went wrong and how to avoid it in the future. You keep flirting with new men, always at the heart of any relationship is ... sexual attraction. It doesn't bother you, it doesn't matter that you feel confused, hurt and worn out. You continue to give totally wrong signs to the other person, eventually you end up having sex. If you don't stop there, you get to unwind, use and waste time. And instead of thinking about the excuses on duty, why don't you just tell him about your feelings for your ex at the latest after your first intimacy? Because you are selfish, and for you men, especially those after the former are a given, will always be there and will owe you a special attitude at least. Well, it doesn't happen that way. And unfortunately, it usually goes to more extremes. In the end, you usually manage to get them to treat you like garbage. But the best part is that your behavior is the same and is relatively easy to catch after being with such a woman. And you avoid them going forward, no matter how much you like them. I'm not writing this with bad feelings. I've been on both sides. I became the ex after I was cheated on. I left quickly, quietly, without dramas and explanations, just "bye" and that's it. Then from the other, I don't know if it's karma. Unraveling, excuses, one night he can't get away from me, the next I'm a bucket for mud. I left the same way again. In either case, I felt terrible for a while, but I passed. But I have never transferred my disappointments, feelings, expectations from an old relationship, nor have I done the opposite with the idea of ​​getting back. Those who have influenced me in a nasty way I pass them by and forget them, it's elementary.

   28 And I completely agree with your opinion. How is it possible for a person to rush into a new relationship, if only he is not alone, but still loves the former person next to him. It's so mean, mean and I would add a lot more. Until I completely fall out of love with an ex, I don't think about commitment at all, let alone revenge or anything like that. These things as a test are unknown to me, but to play with me as the second, I know these feelings very well.

   I want to get involved in the topic, not because I can help you who knows how much, but because something similar is happening in my life. I'll start with the first incident. I was 18 when my best friends scolded me. I don't want to share exactly how, but it was tantamount to attempted murder. To this day, I do not understand how such cruelty is possible, people who knew us did not explain how and why. After that moment, something literally broke in me. Years later, I got married, had a child ... My husband had a difficult life and I thought that in some way connected us. Again, I had not judged the man next to me - he abandoned us with the child and ran to another woman, he wanted to live. I would have swallowed it if it weren't for the fact that he wasn't interested in his own flesh and blood ... That killed the little that was left in me. I realize that I have become terribly pretentious towards people, I think they have backward thoughts, if I allow someone a little closer to me, I immediately withdraw. I want to be naughty, but it turns out that small things get me off track. At work and while I was studying, I made many acquaintances, helped many people, but after our paths parted, as I was very dear to them and so everyone forgot who I was. This left a bitterness in my soul again ... I'm starting to think that I have to become a full curtain so that I don't care. And most of all, my great pain is that my son, who turns out to be a complete copy of me, is used by various thugs and suffers, and does not understand why he behaves well, but receives insults from the other side. F40 that little things get me off track. At work and while I was studying, I made many acquaintances, helped many people, but after our paths parted, as I was very dear to them and so everyone forgot who I was. This left a bitterness in my soul again ... I'm starting to think that I have to become a full curtain so that I don't care. And most of all, my great pain is that my son, who turns out to be a complete copy of me, is used by various thugs and suffers, and does not understand why he behaves well, but receives insults from the other side. F40 that little things get me off track. At work and while I was studying, I made many acquaintances, helped many people, but after our paths parted, as I was very dear to them and so everyone forgot who I was. This left a bitterness in my soul again ... I'm starting to think that I have to become a full curtain so that I don't care. And most of all, my great pain is that my son, who turns out to be a complete copy of me, is used by various thugs and suffers, and does not understand why he behaves well, but receives insults from the other side. F40 that my son, who turns out to be a complete copy of me, is being used by various thugs and suffers, and does not understand why he is behaving well, but on the other hand receives insults. F40 that my son, who turns out to be a complete copy of me, is being used by various thugs and suffers, and does not understand why he is behaving well, but on the other hand receives insults. F40

   What you feel is of a spiritual nature and there is only a spiritual cure. No good and well-meaning advice will help you. You are hurt, and because of that you have become like those who hurt you. The issue is spiritual, and requires spiritual means to deal with it. Prayer and churching. I will not say more, as this opinion may not be allowed. It is an honor, however, that you are aware of your condition and seek permission. Be healthy! Agape.

   28 Did you get better by leaving so quickly? When you leave like this and keep everything quiet, you leave a woman deeply humiliated and hurt, confused, with thousands of questions in her mind. Because despite everything, she relied on you and your feelings and they can't die from today to tomorrow. The frustration and wounds you create make us more careful and cautious and judge people better because we don't want something like this to happen to us again. And all this takes time, as well as a little patience.