Some 5 years ago my girlfriend was raped and this greatly affects our relationship right now. I found out from her relative a few months ago. I thought she had experienced it and forgotten it, but we have been living together recently and I see that the incident continues to bother her. She is insecure and timid. He very rarely agrees to go out in the evening. He does not like places where it is full of people, but he is also afraid of the quiet ones. It is taboo to go through a park after dusk. Most men are a potential danger to her. Our sex life: very bad. We consume our relationship once every more than a week. I feel like I'm harassing her. It wasn't a big problem before, but now that we live together ... Once I wanted to surprise her and startle her, and she was shocked. That thing crippled her. She was 16 or 17 years old at the time of the rape, perhaps this was her first sexual contact. She had no other partners. I also suggested that we seek a psychologist, but she flatly refused. He doesn't want to talk about it. I asked her once and she said nothing, I don't want to bother her anymore. As if feeling ashamed. I can't know because he doesn't want to share. Can I help her? If yes - how? I want to overcome these things because it interferes with our relationships as well as hers with other people.
1 nataliajonas answered
Things you can say to her: I love you, I want to be able to show you freely how much. With your heart, mind and body. If it scares you the way I express it, show me how. I am ready / agree to be more patient and, if necessary, more restrained in my love for you. I want to make LOVE, for me this is another way to love you as much as I can, but you can show me how you want. If something, whatever it is, bothers you, scares or oppresses you, when you decide, let's talk. if you tell me what to change, I will do it, because I love you and I want you to be happy! Things you should NOT say / ask / insist: Tell me about the rape! Who was it? !! I want sex / to fuck .... similar words that can be connected with the incident. He needs to know that she is FREE to talk about whatever and when she wants, have sex, if she wants to .... And you are,