Bullying-just55fun

Hello! I am a 15 year old girl. My story will not be short, but I really need to share with you, hear your advice and tell me how to proceed. I feel like I'm in a circle from which there is no salvation. My story begins in 2016, when my mother found a friend and decided that we would move into them. My father had gone to the Czech Republic and during this period my mother met this man, slept in them, left my brother and me alone for weeks, without money, with little food, most of which was margarine, bread, sausages and the like. My mother and I were almost never close. She always loved my brother more (19), because he was more shy and closed and very similar to her. I didn't mind, I was never jealous of her. She was always ashamed of me, even if she didn't show it, I saw it in her eyes. When we moved, I immediately noticed her friend's arrogant behavior. I was rebellious and I was constantly going out and doing things like other children, running away from us, things I regret causing to my mother, but things because of her carelessness. motherhood. Is the mother a cold, stubborn, conservative person, living in the years of her youth, when she was not allowed anywhere. This man was constantly walking against us, with my brother, and I was retaliating. My mother used to say that we needed a little fight to get better. My mom reached out for the first time because he made her. He beat me with a belt, my whole legs were bruised because I was 20-30 minutes late to go home. Her friend, let's call him A, also reached out to me when he got drunk once, grabbed my collar and shook me on the couch. Because I contradicted him, she started confusing my mother whether to let me out, they stopped giving me pockets, she quarreled when we talked to mom, she constantly insulted us, and mom stood by and watched her and her children being humiliated.

Mom and her nerve problem one evening, at the beginning of the school year, I said I needed a picture for the notebook. And he started shouting and saying that they still wanted something from this school and from a scandal it turned into a big quarrel. Mom has nerve problems and drinks Xanax, goes to psychologists, she started crying while we were arguing. And she told me to pack my bags, I packed them, but my mother had a seizure, I stayed with her, she was motionless for a few minutes, absent from work. I had periods when I just cried every day, I was depressed, I tried to poison myself with pills, I cut myself, I got worse, my brain became a mess. I had problems at school, my father wasn't there, we didn't have money, I didn't have the means to take care of myself as a girl, I didn't have money for clothes, for school in general. And my almost non-existent self-confidence was dropping to the limit. I have problems with shame, with eating, with complexion, this is a separate topic, and he constantly insulted me about how I ate, how I talked (because sometimes my voice trembles and Bulgarian is not perfect because I am Turkish), for absolutely everything. I had gone out once and I was late and he left me without food for the whole evening, forbidding me to go out, constantly under a terrible mental harassment that continues to this day. He is NOT my real father, he has no authority over me, but his mother allows him to do whatever he wants with us. She is harassing the three of us, insulting all three of us, but mom is too in love. He didn't say any, a single little beautiful word for my mother. There have been cases in which he discards his mother's pot; because it was unsalted, he just dumped it in the toilet. He makes his complexes on us. He has a son and a daughter of 20, whom he abandoned because their mother drove him away. He has no idea how to behave with a child. My brother is almost 20, soon if we have the opportunity we will move, but we do not know how to start. I'm sorry it's so confusing but I'm having a seizure right now and I can't stop crying. but we don't know how to start. I'm sorry it's so confusing but I'm having a seizure right now and I can't stop crying. but we don't know how to start. I'm sorry it's so confusing but I'm having a seizure right now and I can't stop crying.